AIBU to think my American neighbour is taking this too far?

[MelaniaLovesLemon]

She’s already invited us to Thanksgiving (yes, in September) and has given me a little to-do list...
Bring a casserole, make miniature turkeys out of whole walnuts(?), and have something prepared to say about what we’re thankful for, and I need to bring my own chair. She’s quirky, loud and brash with a weird husband, and has a habit of turning up unannounced with crazy schemes.

Recently she came for an aperitif in our cute garden, and practically inhaled the entire tin of prawn cocktail Pringles that I was saving for my DS and then simply helped herself to another glass of wine without asking, apparently she wants that wine for the dinner?

Another time she invited me round at 9am to taste test three different types of stuffing, for the Thanksgiving. I could not possibly eat all that at 9am!

I don’t know if I’m being rude thinking this is all a bit much?

Also, casarole to Americans means anything in an oven dish. You could chuck pasta pesto in there and call it casserole.

Be warned thanksgiving food is utterly rank.

Don’t go, the food is not great (pumpkin stuff that comes out of a tin in one go still in the shape of the tin) and the embarrassing “giving thanks”. I got caught out once, I didn’t realise they actually gave thanks, I mumbled something about spurs beating Arsenal. It’s not for me. Mind you, I think they were not great cooks

I would definitely go and join in the fun as she sounds like a really nice person and she obviously feels comfortable with you. All experiences are valid and learning about different cultures and traditions all adds to life’s rich tapestry. I would not give the wine or pringlegate a second thought as it’s way too trivial to worry about. If you don’t go then it could create an atmosphere with your neighbour moving forward and could possibly make you feel guilty for not going. I too have looked up turkey walnuts and now I understand, I was thinking halved walnuts and something edible rather than a decoration.

Me too.
What's the address?
I'll go in your place OP.

My American IL hosts a Thanksgiving in this country and the food is fantastic.

Home made corn bread, a beautifully cooked turkey (brined, once deep fried which sounds terrible but it was so moist and not greasy because the oil doesn't get into the meat, it just stops the moisture evaporating as it roasts) , sweet potatoes, really good home made mac.n.cheese, good veg, good spicy pumpkin pie made from actual squash, not out of a tin etc.

PS Creamed corn - made from fresh corn on the cob

But never miniature craft turkeys - I will be suggesting this.

I personally think she sounds fun, but it does read that your personalities maybe just aren’t matched at all! You can always just decline if you don’t want to go.

Just say no if you want to. I assume when she says casserole she means green bean casserole which if you watch on youtube is not actually very hard and is less labor than what we would consider casserole. The turkey made out of walnuts is a bit strange and I would probably tell her that you do not know how to do them so could she give you a recipe. The chair I wouldn't think anything, I have a few folding chairs that I often bring to events like this, The thankful thing is normal I think.

I lived next door to American students when in University one year and was also asked to have something ready about being thankful. We were also assigned dishes to bring.

In regards to the Pringles and wine I think you need to loosen up a bit.

Invent some random, almost forgotten local tradition that clashes with Thanksgiving and tell her can’t make it to hers unfortunately.

I have American family and Thanksgiving is a lovely celebration - great food (varies by locality across the country!), thankful hearts and always a space for everyone at the table. If you don’t want to go, just say no thank you.

And also - it is 8 weeks away. Fairly standard timeframe in terms of planning for hosting an event for a number of people I would say. Just because you don’t do things a certain way doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

😂I've be so tempted to make it out of an empty prawn cocktail tube.

Ok this is totally irrelevant but I'd love to live on your road. It sounds like so much fun.

She's going ott on the Thanksgiving shite though.

Say "listen, we are looking forward to it but I can't commit to all this prep. I'll bring a bottle of wine and dessert / salad. Take it or leave it."

I can feel Samhain festivities coming on...

By the way folks, it’s a PIPE of Pringles. Ask Alan Partridge. Will you invite her to bonfire night? Tell her it’s dog rolls all round and then recreate the blitz. That’s our tradition anyway

She ATE some crisps out at a party and had a SECOND glass of wine? The horror…

I think it’s lovely she wants to share such a special day (for her) with you. I have been to Thanksgiving celebrations and really enjoyed them.

I think she sounds great

Me too...

pumpkin stuff that comes out of a tin in one go still in the shape of the tin

I think you might be thinking of cranberry sauce. "Pumpkin stuff" is cooked in a pie, never eaten straight out of the can.

And canned pumpkin is actually often better for the pie than fresh pumpkin, which can often vary considerably in taste.

Tread carefully OP, in a few Christmases time, you'll be providing and cooking the turkey.

As others have said, be more giving with drinks and snacks but decline if not your thing.

I'm happy for people to celebrate everything going, but sometimes I just want to watch Netflix than join in.

@MelaniaLovesLemon

Don’t make the walnut turkeys if you don’t want to. She just wants some autumnal decorations for her house.

I’m a dual national but I have hosted TG here (not on the traditional Thursday but on the following Saturday) but the atmosphere isn’t the same with my British relatives who basically just wanted a roast dinner and didn’t want to try the American sides like ‘cornbread’.

We have roast potatoes but it’s not really a thing in the States and they usually have mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes.

We lived in Switzerland for a few years and I was a member of the American Women’s Club in Zurich where they host an annual TG dinner. One year I mentioned to the club secretary how much I liked the paper turkey table centerpieces and she gave me some to take home. They didn’t make the move back to the US then the UK, but I managed to buy some from a party decoration place (online) here in England as well as maple leaves, paper Pilgrims and native Americans.

You may wish to decline making the walnut turkeys (I initially thought it was something you were supposed to eat lol!) but take an alternative decoration instead and I think your neighbour would really appreciate it.

A turkey table centrepiece (30.5cm) similar to the ones that I have only costs £5.99 from www.partypacks.co.uk

I would love this, DH would prefer to stick pins in his eyes. It sounds like you and NDN are just not very compatible in terms of social events, that doesn’t make either of you wrong. The requests sound only slightly OTT by Thanksgiving standards. I would be more irritated by being invited for a drink and only given one glass of wine than I would be by being asked to make walnut turkeys

I’d be annoyed at being expected to do little crafty… bakes? for something I was invited to, but honestly it’s no weirder than you expecting a guest to ask for permission to have another glass.

Have you ever said “sorry no, you can’t”?

If you have a child, sounds to me like she thought they might have fun making this craft.

I might not like people helping themselves to crisps and wine. Did you offer the Pringles and they ate the lot?

I had something similar. A friend of a friend invited themselves over. When everyone was leaving they picked up a bottle of wine 3/4 full to take home. They asked for the lid, I put it back in the fridge. If they had brought anything and not been insufferable, I might have let them.

I agree on both counts. The PP was likely thinking of cranberry sauce, although everyone I know makes their own, and tinned pumpkin is better because the moisture content is more consistent. Not a pumpkin pie fan, but we do make a killer pumpkin bourbon creme brûlée. I've experiment with both tinned and fresh and have generally had a better result with tinned.