AIBU to think my American neighbour is taking this too far?

[MelaniaLovesLemon]

She’s already invited us to Thanksgiving (yes, in September) and has given me a little to-do list...
Bring a casserole, make miniature turkeys out of whole walnuts(?), and have something prepared to say about what we’re thankful for, and I need to bring my own chair. She’s quirky, loud and brash with a weird husband, and has a habit of turning up unannounced with crazy schemes.

Recently she came for an aperitif in our cute garden, and practically inhaled the entire tin of prawn cocktail Pringles that I was saving for my DS and then simply helped herself to another glass of wine without asking, apparently she wants that wine for the dinner?

Another time she invited me round at 9am to taste test three different types of stuffing, for the Thanksgiving. I could not possibly eat all that at 9am!

I don’t know if I’m being rude thinking this is all a bit much?

Many years ago I went to a Thanksgiving meal in Baltimore with an American family.

Tbh it was very similar to a Christmas meal in England: no one had to say anything about things they were thankful for and there were definitely no turkeys carved out of walnuts.

It was literally just a rather heavy roast turkey first course with pecan pie for pudding.

If you don't want to spend time with this neighbour OP just say you can't make it. She does sound a bit ott.

The first few replies are a bit miserable - just because you don't usually celebrate something doesn't mean you can't join in with someone else's celebration, sometimes it's nice to experience things from different cultures. She sounds a lot more like a 'everyone pitches in' person than you so I don't think it's rude to ask you to bring something. Or to eat crisps that were left out at a get together. The only thing I think is a bit much is the walnuts, and surely you can come up with some excuse around those

You know what I'm going to be enjoying before tonight's evening repast

Thanksgiving is such a great festival, my American friends here in Europe go all out on it. It's quite normal to bring a dish. Agree with you on the walnut turkeys though.

Don't be so stingy with your wine and Pringles! She sounds a bit crazy but fun. The Americans I know are generous and very informal hosts and they would tell us just to help ourselves to another glass of wine, or bottle of beer.

😂😂😂😂

Thanksgiving is such a great festival, my American friends here in Europe go all out on it. It's quite normal to bring a dish. Agree with you on the walnut turkeys though.

Don't be so stingy with your wine and Pringles! She sounds a bit crazy but fun. The Americans I know are generous and very informal hosts and they would tell us just to help ourselves to another glass of wine, or bottle of beer.

You could use a 'strategic incompetence' strategy?
I.e., do as she requested but do a really bad job.

As an American in the UK, I'll answer this on the assumption this neighbour is real and your post isn't just entertaining rage bait.

1. I've never heard of walnut turkeys, but just looked them up. There are numerous how-to videos. I'm not crafty and don't like crafty things, so in your place, I'd just lose the walnuts. Maybe a squirrel break-in.
2. I don't like prawn Pringles (paprika are edible at a push) to the degree that if you thought they were fit to serve, I would certainly not trust you to bring a dish.
3. If you invited me for a drink and hosted poorly enough that I had to top up my own wine (inquiring minds want to know what kind it was - hopefully not Pinot Grigio, because in that case I probably wouldn't even want your chair, no matter how cute your garden is.

Genuinely, though, Thanksgiving is a big deal in the US and it's common as an expat to feel a bit sad and miss the big family/friends get-together. We have had big Thanksgiving gatherings for friends of different nationalities and always had a really nice, and sometimes raucous, time. Asking people to say something they're thankful for is very traditional, and I think, can be really nice. I don't ask people to bring dishes, but that's because I'm a control freak.

My advice is, don't go. You don't like her, you seem like you've been sucking on some of those lemons Melania loves, you'll all be happier if you stay home.

OMG, I've got everything in my craft stash to make those, except the walnuts.😜

ETA Although now I've seen the actual instructions, neither my real nor my artificial acorns (really) are that flat, so I'll have to bow out. Or saw the bottoms off some acorns.🤔

Thanksgiving is such a great festival, my American friends here in Europe go all out on it. It's quite normal to bring a dish. Agree with you on the walnut turkeys though.

Don't be so stingy with your wine and Pringles! She sounds a bit crazy but fun. The Americans I know are generous and very informal hosts and they would tell us just to help ourselves to another glass of wine, or bottle of beer.

I'm American and know of no one that crazy. Just say no I'm not interested.

Dang. In Norfolk Uk we can't even manage to gather enough Americans to have a TG dinner together, never mind rounding up British neighbours.

Am wondering if OP is having a suitably British problem of not knowing how to politely say "No thank you."

Either go along with it or decline. She's not forcing you. If she asks you to do something at 9am don't answer the phone or door.

I think she sounds quite fun. But I guess if you haven't chosen to be friends with someone like that I can see it being a bit much.

If you keep politely saying no to things she's bound to back down.

It seems like a fussy thing to do but if you look at the link, they're hardly taxing - just an acorn for the head, googly eyes, a leaf for a tail, and a bit of red felt under the chin.

Why did she invite you?

You sound stuck up, referring to yr cute garden, aperitifs and posh snacks and also very tight and stingy over a £3 box of crappy pringles and an extra glass of wine!!

Oh, that is the much easier than I imagined!
I thought you had to carve them with tiny chisels.

I would be turning down tasting stuffing at 9am, but the rest? She sounds great. I would go.
You never know, OP, you might have fun.

Americans treat Thanksgiving as we do Christmas. We plan months in advance, all have our traditions etc, why make fun of her.

Very unkind.

I'm not a green bean casserole person myself , and despite being American, have never actually had the marshmallow sweet potatoes, but tell your son to offer to do this one - I did it one year for a green bean casserole loving friend and it was actually pretty good

https://smittenkitchen.com/2013/11/green-bean-casserole-with-crispy-onions/

Is anyone else getting Hyacinth Bucket's "candlelight suppers" vibe from OP?

"Neighbours often drop in for an aperitif, she’s no exception. Usually it’s quite posh, so yes, Pringles aren’t the norm. They were for DS, but that didn’t stop her."

I don’t know. I’m torn because as an English introvert I wouldn’t like this either. And on the other, I’d like to make a neighbour friend who was bubbly and friendly and wants to have fun and include me - and I see what you mean about helping herself to things like wine and Pringles … but maybe it’s normal where she’s from or maybe she has a generous spirit and doesn’t fully know how reserved and self conscious (and a bit unfriendly?) we can be in England. It’s only a glass of wine and some Pringles.

Me too!!

Edit...I see the explanation has been given already. Bit disappointed. I was imagining a stuffed turkey being made out of Walnuts

This.

i think she sounds great! You just need to say no to the bits you don’t want to do.

I want to be her neighbour and have a cute garden. She sounds fun and you sound like a bad host.

YABU for not setting boundaries and articulating what you are willing and wanting to do, and what you don't want to do.