Aibu to think this is a good salary?

[jamsandwich5]

Just to settle an argument. My husband and I respectively take home 33k and 31k a year after tax.

I work 30 hours, he works 38. He wants me to up my hours but I don’t see why as we don’t struggle for money and I am happy having a bit of spare time to sort kids school admin etc.

AIBU to think 64k for a household (of4) is plenty?

It doesn't really matter whether it's "good", it matters what your aspirations/needs and wants are and whether you can afford them. I'd be sitting down and questioning what upping your hours actually buys you (better holidays, a cleaner, savings for kids?) Vs what it loses you in time and happiness. Then you can make an actual judgement. Money only represents what it can buy you in exchange for you earning it, so it's kind of irrelevant - if you're reaching all your financial goals then thats great, if your dh has some valid financial goals that working extra will help you both reach, then you should discuss those and whether it's worth it for you.
If he ignores your valid concerns about the domestic admin you do in that time, then he needs to be aware what he will personally need to pick up (even if it's just thinking about certain things) - because he can't demand you just cram more in, the emotional load/domestic admin will need sharing if you fit more paid work in.

My husband and I were in a similar situation and when he asked me if I was going to up my hours I was ready! My reply was are you going to take on half of the cooking, shopping, cleaning, washing, taking kids to clubs, taking them to parties, pack lunch making, home work help, filling in forms for school trips or other outings?! He did a little of this when asked but certainly did not carry the mental load. His answer was err ok then maybe it’s not a good idea! 😆

Both are below median wage so make of that what you will.

A lot depends on future plans, childcare, buying/moving house etc

I also missed the after tax part which makes a huge difference

It really depends on whether he’s going to pick up 50% of the extra admin/school stuff that you spend your time doing!

Is there any point in boasting your 6 figure income (. It’s not answering the question is it… number people are so strange

Wonder if you added up all the time spent on life admin (school runs, prepping for uniforms/bags, cleaning), basically anything you do before 5 pm that you wouldn’t be able to do if you went “full time”, if you’re actually working 8 hours less than him a week. I’d say the gap would be a lot smaller.

With £2500 "unaccounted for" I'd be very suspicious of his motivation for needing more money coming in. Probably because 99% of men I've been with have been pieces of shit, so I see red flags everywhere now 😂

This question is important.

I don't know what the cost of living is where you are or the rate of inflation but all I will say is that I was earning that salary 20 years ago in a fairly average job in Scotland. It was a stretch at times to make ends meet and we didn't even have children at the time. So I would think 33k is a low salary in this day and age BUT if it is enough for you and you are making ends meet and able to pay your mortgage then that's all that matters. Having a flexible schedule to be able to do school pick ups / drop offs etc is a big positive.

Well a chunk has to go to tax

Your salary is approximately £52k FTE gross.

Working 30hrs gives you approx £43k
gross / £33k net.

If you went full time you’d earn £9.5k gross / £7k after tax. Out of that £7k you need to price afterschool care, additional care over summer, any other cost impact of longer hours.

Your husband earns approx £38.5k gross - £31k net.

The discussion here is when you work out how much the household income will actually increase in total - let’s assume £4k after costs. Is that £4k life changing enough to miss out on the benefits of a parent being present for the children when they’re young, reducing overall stress in home, more engaged home support. It’s the costs of putting pressure on grandparents to become carers for your children, more pressure on you.

Your husband is on a much lower salary - and likely contributing less to the household so that would be the issue I’d be addressing in the balance here. As he earns less it’s economically better for him to reduce his hours to pick up the slack to then allow him to parent his own children and take responsibility for his own living environment. If he dropped a day it would only be £5400 net so not very impactful. He might also value the unpaid work you’ve been generously contributing on top of your larger salary.

To answer the question you’ve asked - @jamsandwich5

as to whether your net household is decent - the answer is yes. You’re on £81.5k gross so doing much better than average household.

In the financial year ending 2024, the mean gross income for UK households decreased by 1.7% to £55,200 according to the ONS.

This figure represents the total income from all sources before taxes and benefits are deducted.

Key figures for gross household income in the UK (Financial Year Ending 2024)

Mean Gross Income: £55,200
Original Income: This makes up 87.5% of gross income.
Cash Benefits: These make up 12.5% of gross income.
Direct Taxes: These remain relatively stable at 22.7% of gross income.

After tax. The OP said after tax.

OP stated figures were after tax

I don't think it's unfair to change your mind, dependent on the circumstances. Before I had a child, I always thought it was fair for the woman to do everything in the house and majority childcare, if she was a SAHM. Fast forward to having a child that didn't sleep (I still average 5h of broken sleep, at age 7 because he's AUDHD) and that really changed my perspective. We also said he could be the stay at home parent, after breastfeeding was done, but he turned out to be a covert narcissist manbaby who couldn't be arsed to do the odd pumped milk bottle feed of even get our child to eat prepared snacks. I would absolutely say if you're managing on current income, leave it until they're older. You could back it up with a spreadsheet of the additional childcare costs, to show how counter-productively it might be. Assuming of course you don't just switch, since you're the higher earner. He goes PT and takes over the parenting you're doing and you go FT, then you'll still be better off and the kids won't have to be in childcare or GPS roped in.

We would manage fine with that (same mortgage cost and we currently earn slightly less between us) but it would really depend on outgoings.

If you're happy with your current standard of life and you have a decent safety net, I'd argue that being around for children, life admin, child admin etc. is far more important! Increasing your hours would directly impact how much of that is getting done and when (e.g. weekends spent just catching up) and is likely to make things far more stressful for both of you.

You can always increase your hours when the children are older?