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Original poster

Finances when moving in together

228 replies

Dobetter · 23/09/2025 10:40

Hiya

Looking for some opinions/advice.

My partner has moved into my house, which I share with my DD (16).

Before moving in we didn’t have a conversation about finances. Call me silly but we are both very open, so I just assumed it would come up whilst here.

Yesterday, it came up 3 months after hes moved in. I’m yet to have any contribution from him.

We have his 3 children here every Saturday - Sunday and lucky enough I had a spare room which has now become their bedroom.

In yesterday’s conversation he has offered me £100 towards the bills and half to the food shopping. Is this reasonable? I didn’t give him much feedback as I felt like I was caught off guard and he delivered the conversation in a jokey way.

He said he is unwilling to contribute towards the mortgage. Whilst I appreciate it’s not his house, he can’t get a mortgage. Nor can he be put on this one, for various reasons. As I did make the suggestion for the future.

He was previously paying board at his parents house, as he lived there following a break up a few years ago. He said it’s my mortgage so my financial burden, however, if he rented he would have to pay someone else’s mortgage..

I’m open to suggestions, advice and opinions as to whether you think the above arrangement of £100 to bills and half the food shopping is reasonable, or if you think he should be contributing more.

We both work.

I have always paid the mortgage on my own prior to this, but obviously have less disposable income than him if this arrangement stands. He isn’t very giving or forthcoming financially, we tend to take turns or go halves when out and about.

If I’m honest part of me feels like he is taking advantage, as a 40 year old man, where can you live for £100 a month in 2025…

Thanks for your comments in advance.

OP posts:
DirtyDancing · 23/09/2025 21:36

I believe the name for this is cock-lodger

Jessica5432 · 23/09/2025 21:37

Omg. I want to shake you.

DaisyChain505 · 23/09/2025 21:37

🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ Jesus Christ.

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/09/2025 21:38

Baggyit · 23/09/2025 18:48

OP, you have a man moved in who is living off you and he has brought his children from 3 different women with him for good luck at the weekend.
All being paid for by you.
Is this what you want for your daughter?
This is Jeremy Kyle show territory.

You think the posts are harsh?
I think they have gone seriously easy after what you have written.

He's a complete user loser.

You deserve better.
Your daughter deserves better.
She most certainly is not an oblivious child at 16.
16 year olds can be very clued in.

Expect him to try and talk you around tonight.
He really won't want to give up his sweet free accommodation, food, home for his children deal that you have given him.

Absolutely THIS.

He's taking you for a mug, OP. I'd get rid because if he behaves like this at the start of cohabiting, it really is downhill all the way from here.

jolies1 · 23/09/2025 21:40

You pay mortgage.

He pays 50% of everything else (council tax, utilities, food shop - he’d be paying this by himself if he was renting so it’s still better for both of you.)

If he’s genuine he will save what he would have spent on rent towards a deposit!

Emma6cat · 23/09/2025 21:40

My partner moved into my house with me. I pay the mortgage and the household bills and he pays for everything else. , food, petrol (his car and my car) holidays, going out, clothes etc….

HowlongdoIwait · 23/09/2025 21:40

£100 probably barely covers the increase in council tax now you have lost your single person discount! He saw your coming

Pessismistic · 23/09/2025 21:41

Dobetter · 23/09/2025 17:11

Thanks to everyone for your input.

Whilst I appreciate I asked for opinions, there is no “poor daughter” in this. Firstly, she is not aware of anything financially as she is a child and that business isn’t a concern of hers. Secondly, she has always and will always be number one. I consult her in every decision I intend to make and we have an excellent relationship. She has known said person since she was 18 months old. It isn’t a stranger to her. Further, I’m not and never will be “desperate” for a man. What I am is human, and I got feelings for someone who it appears is taking my kindness as a weakness.

In terms of the finances it seems it’s kind of a split opinion when it comes to the mortgage. But I think I agree with the element of wear and tear. Yes, I also lost my council tax discount. I asked the question as I didn’t have anyone else I could ask, but in reality I knew the answer for myself is that I’m not happy with his proposed amount.

My intention is to have the discussion this evening. I can’t imagine it is going to go well and do believe the best option will be for him to move out. Where that leaves the relationship I do not know and after reading some home truths on here, it has made me question entirely whether this is in fact a relationship I should be in.

Thank you everyone.

Hi op I hope you get this sorted he should have been willing to pay rent no matter what. I would send him on his way wish him good luck with his 100. What a cheeky bastard we all have to pay someone’s mortgage unless your very lucky to own a home outright. Rent is a mortgage just not the person who lives in the house.

ChloeSPowell · 23/09/2025 21:47

Council tax is now 100%
More hot water used for baths/showers
More electricity for laundry
Food costs more than £100 a month for a single person!
Toiletries and loo roll
A single room in a shared house with bills included but without food would be at least £700 per month.
He’s being totally unreasonable.

gmgnts · 23/09/2025 21:50

When you said £100 I assumed it would be a week, not a month. He is a cocklodger, taking advantage of you. What does your DD think about extra children living in her house at the weekend? It doesn't sound satisfactory to me at all.

Sunbeam01 · 23/09/2025 22:01

Massive ick.

My skin crawls thinking about it.

I'm sorry OP but I also feel sorry for your DD.

Throw this one back.

NSA2103 · 23/09/2025 22:03

ZoggyStirdust · 23/09/2025 10:56

Mumsnet struggles with questions like this. A man not contributing to the mortgage is a cocklodger, but a man expecting his partner to pay towards his mortgage is taking advantage…

Best reply I've read in ages.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 23/09/2025 22:05

Right so you have

Council tax
Utilitiy bills
Broadband
Tv package
Food
Dry roof over 4 extra heads
Thats, at the very, very least £400 pcm
Please don't allow him to use you like that, get it sorted or the resentment will build and your self worth will plummet.
Good luck

Bestfootforward11 · 23/09/2025 22:06

£100 for bills? Honestly he should be embarrassed.

AlinaRawlings · 23/09/2025 22:17

Dobetter · 23/09/2025 10:40

Hiya

Looking for some opinions/advice.

My partner has moved into my house, which I share with my DD (16).

Before moving in we didn’t have a conversation about finances. Call me silly but we are both very open, so I just assumed it would come up whilst here.

Yesterday, it came up 3 months after hes moved in. I’m yet to have any contribution from him.

We have his 3 children here every Saturday - Sunday and lucky enough I had a spare room which has now become their bedroom.

In yesterday’s conversation he has offered me £100 towards the bills and half to the food shopping. Is this reasonable? I didn’t give him much feedback as I felt like I was caught off guard and he delivered the conversation in a jokey way.

He said he is unwilling to contribute towards the mortgage. Whilst I appreciate it’s not his house, he can’t get a mortgage. Nor can he be put on this one, for various reasons. As I did make the suggestion for the future.

He was previously paying board at his parents house, as he lived there following a break up a few years ago. He said it’s my mortgage so my financial burden, however, if he rented he would have to pay someone else’s mortgage..

I’m open to suggestions, advice and opinions as to whether you think the above arrangement of £100 to bills and half the food shopping is reasonable, or if you think he should be contributing more.

We both work.

I have always paid the mortgage on my own prior to this, but obviously have less disposable income than him if this arrangement stands. He isn’t very giving or forthcoming financially, we tend to take turns or go halves when out and about.

If I’m honest part of me feels like he is taking advantage, as a 40 year old man, where can you live for £100 a month in 2025…

Thanks for your comments in advance.

Are you familiar with the term “cocklodger” 🤣….i would absolutely not have him paying your mortgage as that’s your house! But….he should be paying his way with half of everything else! Stop letting this tramp get a free life!

Sgreenpy · 23/09/2025 22:18

As PPs, him living with you is presumably supposed to be of benefit to you - lifestyle (and financially). As I see you you've lost your own space to a man (and his 3 children part of the time) for a measly payment of £100!
Sit down and write down all the bills for running the house - insurance, utilities council tax, broadband (excluding the mortgage). Then talk about what kind of contribution he'd like to make (up to 50%). He should also contribute at least a third of the food bill.
If he's not happy then send him back to his mother's and enjoy dating him.
Good luck OP!

ThatRareLimeFinch · 23/09/2025 22:21

my DP moved in with me when i moved last year. 100% my house.

i cover the rent, my car bills, (he doesnt drive), and my phone bill.

he pays his phone bill, and for the internet as he wanted the fancy fast one

we go 50/50 on all other bills

we rotate who buys the shopping every 2 weeks.

Happyjoe · 23/09/2025 22:28

A lovely lady who works up the high street had her fella live with her for a fair few years. He paid a bit towards living there but when they split up, he made a claim towards the house, saying he was paying towards her mortgage, despite not having his name on it and not being married. I don't know why but she gave in because it was easier than going to courts I guess and she ended up having to give him a fair few tens of thousands.

Your fella does set off a few alarm bells for me, so sorry. I'd actually go so far as to get a rent book just to protect yourself, some legally clear way of saying that he is just paying rent and board.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 23/09/2025 22:29

Get a lodger, much easier and you'll be better off.

TrimayrAcademy · 23/09/2025 22:34

He is absolutely taking the piss! He should pay half of all bills and probably half the food shop considering there are three extra mouths to feed at weekends.

Nothing towards the mortgage though as you don’t want him to have any claim on your asset when you see the light and kick this freeloader out.

Phoenixfire1988 · 23/09/2025 22:43

Dobetter · 23/09/2025 10:40

Hiya

Looking for some opinions/advice.

My partner has moved into my house, which I share with my DD (16).

Before moving in we didn’t have a conversation about finances. Call me silly but we are both very open, so I just assumed it would come up whilst here.

Yesterday, it came up 3 months after hes moved in. I’m yet to have any contribution from him.

We have his 3 children here every Saturday - Sunday and lucky enough I had a spare room which has now become their bedroom.

In yesterday’s conversation he has offered me £100 towards the bills and half to the food shopping. Is this reasonable? I didn’t give him much feedback as I felt like I was caught off guard and he delivered the conversation in a jokey way.

He said he is unwilling to contribute towards the mortgage. Whilst I appreciate it’s not his house, he can’t get a mortgage. Nor can he be put on this one, for various reasons. As I did make the suggestion for the future.

He was previously paying board at his parents house, as he lived there following a break up a few years ago. He said it’s my mortgage so my financial burden, however, if he rented he would have to pay someone else’s mortgage..

I’m open to suggestions, advice and opinions as to whether you think the above arrangement of £100 to bills and half the food shopping is reasonable, or if you think he should be contributing more.

We both work.

I have always paid the mortgage on my own prior to this, but obviously have less disposable income than him if this arrangement stands. He isn’t very giving or forthcoming financially, we tend to take turns or go halves when out and about.

If I’m honest part of me feels like he is taking advantage, as a 40 year old man, where can you live for £100 a month in 2025…

Thanks for your comments in advance.

You seriously messed up not discussing bills before allowing him to move in ! Half all bills and 3/5ths food monthly from him mortgage is on you I'd absolutely not accept 100 a month he is absolutely taking the p!ss

Bigboldfont · 23/09/2025 22:47

No mortgage, you don't want him being able to take your house in the future. Do not ever put someone else on the deeds or mortgage.

He should be paying half all bills and half the food.
2 adults. You have one daughter 7 days, he has 3 kids 2 days.

Xmasbaby11 · 23/09/2025 22:53

Agree with other comments - he should be paying half the bills, including food. That is fair. That's probably around £500 or so, which is still a good deal for him.

I would be very unhappy with this arrangement as it is.

Deebee90 · 23/09/2025 22:56

He’s a joker . From the month he moved in he should be paying his way. Yes he shouldn’t pay any of the mortgage but the rest yes. Water, gas, electricity, council tax, food etc he needs to be paying half for it all. I’d be kicking him back out .

telestrations · 23/09/2025 23:01

Get him out of your house as fast as possible. No man who is serious and serious about you would leave you hanging and then offer a measly £100 for bed and board for him and his kids.

If you're not going to do that you can write up a lodger agreement for the spare room which he can rent at MR. Then add food and other expenses