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Original poster

Finances when moving in together

228 replies

Dobetter · 23/09/2025 10:40

Hiya

Looking for some opinions/advice.

My partner has moved into my house, which I share with my DD (16).

Before moving in we didn’t have a conversation about finances. Call me silly but we are both very open, so I just assumed it would come up whilst here.

Yesterday, it came up 3 months after hes moved in. I’m yet to have any contribution from him.

We have his 3 children here every Saturday - Sunday and lucky enough I had a spare room which has now become their bedroom.

In yesterday’s conversation he has offered me £100 towards the bills and half to the food shopping. Is this reasonable? I didn’t give him much feedback as I felt like I was caught off guard and he delivered the conversation in a jokey way.

He said he is unwilling to contribute towards the mortgage. Whilst I appreciate it’s not his house, he can’t get a mortgage. Nor can he be put on this one, for various reasons. As I did make the suggestion for the future.

He was previously paying board at his parents house, as he lived there following a break up a few years ago. He said it’s my mortgage so my financial burden, however, if he rented he would have to pay someone else’s mortgage..

I’m open to suggestions, advice and opinions as to whether you think the above arrangement of £100 to bills and half the food shopping is reasonable, or if you think he should be contributing more.

We both work.

I have always paid the mortgage on my own prior to this, but obviously have less disposable income than him if this arrangement stands. He isn’t very giving or forthcoming financially, we tend to take turns or go halves when out and about.

If I’m honest part of me feels like he is taking advantage, as a 40 year old man, where can you live for £100 a month in 2025…

Thanks for your comments in advance.

OP posts:
Baggyit · 23/09/2025 11:16

3 months you have allowed this loser live off you and have his children at the weekend.

Your poor daughter.
You must be absolutely desperate for a man to have brought this into your home.

I feel so sorry for your daughter.

His offer is derisory.
He sees you as a total desperate mug.

I'm sorry if that reads as harsh.
But wake up.
What a shocking example to your daughter.

Of course he shouldn't be paying towards the morgage.
He should be paying RENT.

That he would even suggest he pay towards the morgage tells you how dim he thinks you are.

He needed to pay RENT and half all the bills.
AND pay for the shop for his children visiting.

indoorplantqueen · 23/09/2025 11:16

It’s having a laugh. Why did you even let him move in with his 3 kids coming every weekend. How does your dd feel about this?
he should be contributing towards all bills 50;50 (except the mortgage). If he doesn’t agree then I’d dump him.

nutbrownhare15 · 23/09/2025 11:18

Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with someone so miserly? Really this should have been discussed before he moved in.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 23/09/2025 11:22

He is a lodger. And will be contributing to wear and tear. Admittedly he is a lodger in a shared room but that's still worth something (as he effectively has his own room, for his children)

So half bills, half food shopping, half any benefits you lost for being single, and some for lodgings, even it its one or two hundred

Honestly though do you not want to reconsider the relationship? That a grown man thought it was OK to move him and his children in somewhere without contributing financially in any way until he was forced, does not indicate he is generous or fair or reasonable.

Moving in together is pooling resources and rather than maintaining two separate households, should ultimately save you both money compared to if you both ran your own separate household

caringcarer · 23/09/2025 11:23

You will have lost your reduction on council tax if another adult lives there. Water rates will be much higher with another person showering everyday and more laundry. No adultale could live on food of £50 for a while month. Why not make him but his own food and give him a cupboard and a shelf in the fridge. Make him shop for his own food and cook it for himself for a month. See how much the cost of his food alone is. Also charge him for use if room for his kids. Look up air BnB rates for one room for 2 nights. Tell him the cost.

Wishimaywishimight · 23/09/2025 11:25

So he gets a free roof over his head (i.e. no rent or mortgage), offers £100 a MONTH(!) and brings 3 kids to stay every weekend? He really has got a sweet deal hasn't he?

snughugs · 23/09/2025 11:29

You need a lodgers agreement and this should’ve been discussed before moving in. Why did you move in without discussing this? I am baffled. He needs to leave this man is taking advantage.

padronpepper · 23/09/2025 11:33

I have read your other thread where you say he has 3 children with 3 other women and the children are aged 13, 9 and 2.
Why on earth have you agreed for him to move into your own 16 year old daughter's home???
And now you are discovering his true colours - happy to leech off you.

TwistedWonder · 23/09/2025 11:38

Another in the long list of MN cocklodgers living a life of Riley with their partners bankrolling them.

Completely agree he should pay towards your mortgage as it’s your asset however as an absolute minimum he should be paying 50% of food and bills. And as his outgoings less than yours i’d expect him to treat you on nights out etc.

arcticpandas · 23/09/2025 11:39

Wtf did I just read? @Dobetter Are you really that desperate that you pay for having this prince of a man in your home?

Tell him to move out! Explain to him that you decided to take a lodger who will contribute to your mortgage by paying rent. He also has his kids coming the week-end and the stingy fucker thinks he owes you 100£ a month for bills!!! He's using you and a man like that ought to give you the ick. Shove him out so that you and your daughter can live in peace without this sponger and his 3 kids.

ElizaMulvil · 23/09/2025 11:43

What were you thinking! Move him out asap. He's told you loud and clear what sort of man he is. Exploitative. No decent person would allow anyone to be had like this, for 3 months! Let alone someone he claims to love. He doesn't. He loves your house and money. He has no shame. Your poor daughter. What sort of message are you giving her? That you have to allow a man to walk all over you? The longer you allow this to go on the bigger the problem will be. Be charming, pleasant, but explain it's not going to work out. (The atmosphere will deteriorate as soon as you suggest he pays his way. He'll start calling you names, give you the silent treatment, and don't you love me? Etc. Etc.) No details, no arguments. Just make sure he goes. He can go back to his Mum.

Rosesarere · 23/09/2025 11:45

cocklodger. You deserve so much more than this total loser. There is nothing worse than a tight man. Gross

TwistedWonder · 23/09/2025 11:46

padronpepper · 23/09/2025 11:33

I have read your other thread where you say he has 3 children with 3 other women and the children are aged 13, 9 and 2.
Why on earth have you agreed for him to move into your own 16 year old daughter's home???
And now you are discovering his true colours - happy to leech off you.

Edited

Agree. Why do so many women drag these useless fuckers into their kids homes and accept a few crumbs and a few quid while they twist themself into a pretzel to change their life to accommodate him.

He’s a freeloader who saw the OP coming. Get rid and put your DD first

BigCity · 23/09/2025 11:47

No he shouldn’t pay the mortgage or rent as will then potentially be able to make a legal claim on house if you split up. You are building up an asset and he is not so it’s reasonable he uses what he saves on mortgage for his own future. Yes he should pay fair share bills like council tax, utilities, tv etc. if you want to accept ‘rent’ you need legal advice and a proper agreement but personally I think it’s better not to risk taking it, especially as he’s someone who’s shown themselves to be taking financial advantage of you. No-one decent would pay zero for 3 months.

SweetTalkinWookie · 23/09/2025 11:49

He is a cocklodger.

£100 a month is an insult.

padronpepper · 23/09/2025 11:51

Why do so many women drag these useless fuckers into their kids homes and accept a few crumbs and a few quid while they twist themself into a pretzel to change their life to accommodate him.
Probably because being with any man - no matter how shit a man - is better than no man at all.

aWeeCornishPastie · 23/09/2025 11:51

Why on earth didn’t you have the conversation before he moved in and offering you £100 after 3 months. Yes he saw you coming.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 23/09/2025 11:54

I thought you meant £100 a week, and half the food bills!

Not £100/month. That's ridiculous.

DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE MORTGAGE

Mauvehoodie · 23/09/2025 12:15

I wouldn't take anything towards the mortgage so you can make sure he can't take anything from the house. I think 50% of bills and food shop is reasonable. I'd be hugely wary of the fact he spent 3 months paying nothing (not even towards food?!). He sounds a freeloader.

nomas · 23/09/2025 12:18

Urgh, why do women do this?! You’ve moved in a cocklodger!

How much rent would he have been paying?

He needs to pay rent and half of bills.

Bananalanacake · 23/09/2025 12:22

What's the point in living together if you don't have kids together, seriously, enjoy going on dates or watching films then politely kick him out the door while saying, see you next week. He adds no value to your life at all.

BMW6 · 23/09/2025 12:25

FFS 🙄OP

JaneEyre40 · 23/09/2025 12:25

Dobetter · 23/09/2025 10:40

Hiya

Looking for some opinions/advice.

My partner has moved into my house, which I share with my DD (16).

Before moving in we didn’t have a conversation about finances. Call me silly but we are both very open, so I just assumed it would come up whilst here.

Yesterday, it came up 3 months after hes moved in. I’m yet to have any contribution from him.

We have his 3 children here every Saturday - Sunday and lucky enough I had a spare room which has now become their bedroom.

In yesterday’s conversation he has offered me £100 towards the bills and half to the food shopping. Is this reasonable? I didn’t give him much feedback as I felt like I was caught off guard and he delivered the conversation in a jokey way.

He said he is unwilling to contribute towards the mortgage. Whilst I appreciate it’s not his house, he can’t get a mortgage. Nor can he be put on this one, for various reasons. As I did make the suggestion for the future.

He was previously paying board at his parents house, as he lived there following a break up a few years ago. He said it’s my mortgage so my financial burden, however, if he rented he would have to pay someone else’s mortgage..

I’m open to suggestions, advice and opinions as to whether you think the above arrangement of £100 to bills and half the food shopping is reasonable, or if you think he should be contributing more.

We both work.

I have always paid the mortgage on my own prior to this, but obviously have less disposable income than him if this arrangement stands. He isn’t very giving or forthcoming financially, we tend to take turns or go halves when out and about.

If I’m honest part of me feels like he is taking advantage, as a 40 year old man, where can you live for £100 a month in 2025…

Thanks for your comments in advance.

So he gets accommodation for free? Erm... absolutely not!

Cosyblankets · 23/09/2025 12:26

How much was he paying his mum?
You need to work out what the build come to and he pays at least a third of that. You will have lost your single person council tax discount so that needs to be factored in as well

DashboardConfession · 23/09/2025 12:28

£100?! For a start you lost your single person council tax discount. That alone is £230 for band D here. What about wear and tear, the extra water/electricity, the extra washing machine cycles? Get him out, cheeky fucker.