Finances when moving in together

[Dobetter]

Hiya

Looking for some opinions/advice.

My partner has moved into my house, which I share with my DD (16).

Before moving in we didn’t have a conversation about finances. Call me silly but we are both very open, so I just assumed it would come up whilst here.

Yesterday, it came up 3 months after hes moved in. I’m yet to have any contribution from him.

We have his 3 children here every Saturday - Sunday and lucky enough I had a spare room which has now become their bedroom.

In yesterday’s conversation he has offered me £100 towards the bills and half to the food shopping. Is this reasonable? I didn’t give him much feedback as I felt like I was caught off guard and he delivered the conversation in a jokey way.

He said he is unwilling to contribute towards the mortgage. Whilst I appreciate it’s not his house, he can’t get a mortgage. Nor can he be put on this one, for various reasons. As I did make the suggestion for the future.

He was previously paying board at his parents house, as he lived there following a break up a few years ago. He said it’s my mortgage so my financial burden, however, if he rented he would have to pay someone else’s mortgage..

I’m open to suggestions, advice and opinions as to whether you think the above arrangement of £100 to bills and half the food shopping is reasonable, or if you think he should be contributing more.

We both work.

I have always paid the mortgage on my own prior to this, but obviously have less disposable income than him if this arrangement stands. He isn’t very giving or forthcoming financially, we tend to take turns or go halves when out and about.

If I’m honest part of me feels like he is taking advantage, as a 40 year old man, where can you live for £100 a month in 2025…

Thanks for your comments in advance.

Sounds like a freeloader to me who knows he is on a good thing and won't be going any time soon. Not a good long term bet. But that is up to you.

Asap, sit down with him and work out what he needs to contribute to your household budget.

Then the first thing to do is to is to ask him for the 3 months of money he already owes you. Itemized list of every utility, food, household bills etc. Including what his hungry every weekend kids consume.

Get a. written agreement for this and ongoing below signed by a witness.

Threaten him with the Small Claims Court if tries to shrug it off

If he won't agree to that. Change the locks. Then pack his bags, show him the door and give him his marching orders.
Call the Police if he kicks off.

Look into Council Tax and if you will still entitled to Single Persons discount

If he does agree. Get a joint bank account in both names, with appropriate withdrawal and transfer conditions .So he can pay his monthly share of money a month in advance.

As for rent and mortgage. You need to be careful on this area. However, could he be considered as a lodger? You need to look into this.

At the very least I’d say he needs to pay half the bills and food so work out how much half the gas, electric, water, council tax, internet etc etc is. Apart from internet all the other things will have increased as a result of him living there/his children staying over. Also get some agreement in place that he isn’t entitled to any share of the house.

This! He is taking you for an absolute fool. How on earth can you have any respect for a man who is unwilling to support himself and his own children but will happily sponge off you. Im sorry but I'd be showing him the door.