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Original poster

Finances when moving in together

228 replies

Dobetter · 23/09/2025 10:40

Hiya

Looking for some opinions/advice.

My partner has moved into my house, which I share with my DD (16).

Before moving in we didn’t have a conversation about finances. Call me silly but we are both very open, so I just assumed it would come up whilst here.

Yesterday, it came up 3 months after hes moved in. I’m yet to have any contribution from him.

We have his 3 children here every Saturday - Sunday and lucky enough I had a spare room which has now become their bedroom.

In yesterday’s conversation he has offered me £100 towards the bills and half to the food shopping. Is this reasonable? I didn’t give him much feedback as I felt like I was caught off guard and he delivered the conversation in a jokey way.

He said he is unwilling to contribute towards the mortgage. Whilst I appreciate it’s not his house, he can’t get a mortgage. Nor can he be put on this one, for various reasons. As I did make the suggestion for the future.

He was previously paying board at his parents house, as he lived there following a break up a few years ago. He said it’s my mortgage so my financial burden, however, if he rented he would have to pay someone else’s mortgage..

I’m open to suggestions, advice and opinions as to whether you think the above arrangement of £100 to bills and half the food shopping is reasonable, or if you think he should be contributing more.

We both work.

I have always paid the mortgage on my own prior to this, but obviously have less disposable income than him if this arrangement stands. He isn’t very giving or forthcoming financially, we tend to take turns or go halves when out and about.

If I’m honest part of me feels like he is taking advantage, as a 40 year old man, where can you live for £100 a month in 2025…

Thanks for your comments in advance.

OP posts:
FriedFalafels · 23/09/2025 14:37

Call his bluff! Ask him to move back out if he’s not willing to pay more

I kind of get the argument with the mortgage however a lot of peoples mortgage payments include a large amount of interest, which isn’t equity. This could be the equivalent of rent. Therefore I’d probably say 40% of the mortgage interest, bills and food.

TwistedWonder · 23/09/2025 14:39

So you see a future with this prince amongst men with 3 kids with 3 different women who thinks throwing you a few quid is enough for you to keep bankrolling him and providing sex and housemaid duties?

Honestly MN never fails to shock me with the subterranean level some women set their bar

Baggyit · 23/09/2025 15:03

Upsetbetty · 23/09/2025 13:21

Jesus…I fucking despair! @Dobetter is this a wind up?I really hope so!

Regular as clockwork on here unfortunately.
Poor daughter.

toomuchfaff · 23/09/2025 15:11

I had a lodger for years, he never had a claim on the hosue because he was lodging there... just like the cocklodger you've managed to get lumped with.

Half the bills, half the food shop and an additional % on top for his lodgings (and his kids). How has your child been put out by having his kids stay there every weekend?

Or he can move out. He always has that option of course, then you and your child get the house back as it should be.

toomuchfaff · 23/09/2025 15:20

3 kids with 3 different women.

Stop ✋️ don't have any sex, he will have you knocked up in no time and trapped. Get rid ASAP. Send him back to his mums...

Minnie798 · 23/09/2025 15:28

Keep your mortgage and all costs associated with your house completely separate. You do not want him contributing to any of that and being able to stake a claim in the future.
Renters have a legal agreement, terms and conditions and rights under the law. The landlord also has legal responsibilities.You and your partner don't have any of this, so you can't compare it to a landlord and renter situation.
I would think half of household bills and food is reasonable. His children are only there two days a week but there are three of them, compared to your one. His dc's probably eat in a weekend what your dc does all week ( depending on their ages).

Baggyit · 23/09/2025 15:34

toomuchfaff · 23/09/2025 15:20

3 kids with 3 different women.

Stop ✋️ don't have any sex, he will have you knocked up in no time and trapped. Get rid ASAP. Send him back to his mums...

His mother is no doubt thrilled to have this loser moved out.

ForLoveNotMoney · 23/09/2025 15:42

This a surely not real? Nobody is this stupid are they? Your poor daughter! How does she feel having a strange man and his entourage living in her safe space?

TreeDudette · 23/09/2025 15:44

If you aren't planning on merging your finances and paying everything proportionally (probably best not to do that pre-marriage) then he should pay 50% of all bills except mortgage. You might need to do something different about food if you and your DD are normally 2 persons and he is normally 1 person except when his kids are around... But he should absolutely pay his share.

TwoBlueFish · 23/09/2025 15:45

At a bare minimum he should be paying half the bills and half the food. Yes it’s not his mortgage but he’s adding wear and tear to your house so I’d also expect a contribution to upkeep.

id also expect him to cook and look after his kids and for you and your daughter not to be doing child care.

id sit down and have a proper conversation about finances, if you can’t do that then he shouldn’t be living with you.

Icanttakethisanymore · 23/09/2025 15:45

Forget this "i'm not contributing to your mortgage malarkey", that's ridiculous; he needs to give you an amount of money that shares the financial benefit of you living together.

You should be better off and he should be better off.

I'd add up all the bills and he can pay half. I'd also add a bit extra for rent (but not a huge amount).

Round3HereWeGo · 23/09/2025 15:45

Please leave this person. This will only get worse. Users don't change.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 23/09/2025 16:06

I’d be telling him to move out.

Vaxtable · 23/09/2025 16:09

£100 is a joke. Work the bills out, allowing for the fact his kids are here weekends, so I would suggest 50/50 as a minimum. Food he pays 50/50.

you could also charge him rent with a lease etc.

I sort of get him not paying for the mortgage but he’s a CF living off mummy and now you

do you really want him there?

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 23/09/2025 16:09

MyElatedUmberFinch · 23/09/2025 16:06

I’d be telling him to move out.

Me too. He’s a piss taker and he has moved his kids in! F me, he’s fallen on his feet. Kick his arse out.

mamagogo1 · 23/09/2025 16:11

50% of bills excluding mortgage and buildings insurance and 50% of shopping as a bare minimum. Honestly, what were you thinking not speaking about this first? If he refuses give him his marching orders

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 23/09/2025 16:12

Do you contribute to childcare? MN always mentions cocklodgers and nanny with a fanny. You’re being taken for a joke. Ask your friends in real life, gauge their reactions.

mcmuffin22 · 23/09/2025 16:16

His attitude is awful. I would not have a discussion, I would kick him out.

KatyN · 23/09/2025 16:17

When my partner moved in we split his rent, so he gave me half and kept half. Then we both benefitted financially. We split all bills 50:50.
we also got a living together agreement from citizens advice which documents who owns what ok case you break up.. the key one being the house..

WatchingTheDetective · 23/09/2025 16:19

I would move him right back out again and would end the relationship. You were silly not to discuss money before he moved in, but that's done now and he's had three months of living for nothing. I'd tell him none of it suited me and he needs to go back to his parents' home tonight.

BengalBangle · 23/09/2025 16:23

£100 pcm is mental, but then so is letting someone move into your home - and that of your daughter - without discussing finances properly.

EllieWales · 23/09/2025 16:24

YANBU I live in DPs house, he has a son who’s with us Friday - Monday. I pay half of all running costs including mortgage, bills and food. I don’t pay for any maintenance/repairs/insurance. The way I see it is if I wasn’t paying his mortgage I would be paying a heck of a lot more against someone else’s.

There are better people in the world than this man and as your name suggests, you can do better.

Mildmanneredmum · 23/09/2025 16:25

Handmethegunandaskmeagain · 23/09/2025 11:13

Also, if he can’t and won’t ever come on the mortgage, don’t marry him. He’ll have a claim on the property immediately then.

Just be really careful. Even if he isn't on the mortgage he could claim that he has a claim because he has been "contributing to the household". Ask me how I know - bitter experience.....

dcadmamagain · 23/09/2025 16:29

Omg! I thought he’d offered £100 a week then saw it was per month. Even per week £100 is too low!!

Mildmanneredmum · 23/09/2025 16:32

Oh, and he moved his daughter in every other weekend.

He said that if I didn't "put him on the deeds" he'd be off. That showed me exactly which was his priority. His daughter even sat on my sofa and said "as long as I get this house, I don't care what happens".

I have two children myself from my previous marriage. Who were MY priority.