Finances when moving in together

[Dobetter]

Hiya

Looking for some opinions/advice.

My partner has moved into my house, which I share with my DD (16).

Before moving in we didn’t have a conversation about finances. Call me silly but we are both very open, so I just assumed it would come up whilst here.

Yesterday, it came up 3 months after hes moved in. I’m yet to have any contribution from him.

We have his 3 children here every Saturday - Sunday and lucky enough I had a spare room which has now become their bedroom.

In yesterday’s conversation he has offered me £100 towards the bills and half to the food shopping. Is this reasonable? I didn’t give him much feedback as I felt like I was caught off guard and he delivered the conversation in a jokey way.

He said he is unwilling to contribute towards the mortgage. Whilst I appreciate it’s not his house, he can’t get a mortgage. Nor can he be put on this one, for various reasons. As I did make the suggestion for the future.

He was previously paying board at his parents house, as he lived there following a break up a few years ago. He said it’s my mortgage so my financial burden, however, if he rented he would have to pay someone else’s mortgage..

I’m open to suggestions, advice and opinions as to whether you think the above arrangement of £100 to bills and half the food shopping is reasonable, or if you think he should be contributing more.

We both work.

I have always paid the mortgage on my own prior to this, but obviously have less disposable income than him if this arrangement stands. He isn’t very giving or forthcoming financially, we tend to take turns or go halves when out and about.

If I’m honest part of me feels like he is taking advantage, as a 40 year old man, where can you live for £100 a month in 2025…

Thanks for your comments in advance.

£100 a month?!? He's taking the piss!

Send him back to mum

This - and how did you end up with his children every weekend??

£100? What year does he think it is? 1985?

As usual in these situations I can only think /hope he’s amazing in bed

as honestly can’t think of any other reason why you would want to be with him

I would get legal advice… a friend had similar and from memory she was told this…

Get a cohabitation agreement, so he has no claim to your property if you split up. Do not let him contribute to the mortgage or pay for anything that adds value.

He’s completely using you. I would either look up how much a room in a shared house would cost him and ask him for that (or close to) Then he should be paying half the food.

Alternatively, you could ask him for up to £625 all in as you wouldn’t have to pay tax on it under the lodger scheme thing.

Again, check all this as I’m not an expert. But unless he contributes fairly, make him move out. He sounds like a right sponger 👎🏻

Was just thinking this.

Over a month you have yourself and your daughter every day, he has himself every day plus 3 kids every weekend.
At a minimum I'd say you pay 60% and he pays 40 % of food and all bills (apart from mortgage) a fairer split would be 50/50

How long were you with him before he moved in ?

🚨🚨 COCKLODGER 🚨🚨

Off he fucks!

Time to sit down seriously with him and discuss finances properly
Yes you don't want him to be paying the mortgage but he should be paying you a reasonable amount of money to feed and house him and his children and if that reasonable amount is rejected by him, then I would be asking him to move back in with his parents.

Look at it this way, if the roles were reversed would you feel okay about giving him £100 a month and some money towards the food shop? I'm guessing not. I imagine he won't even be covering the increase in council tax if you've lost your single person discount and the increase in utilities. Why should you be paying more to have him in your house, he needs to learn to be an adult

Absolutely this 👆 he should be paying rent and his share of all bills, including council tax. He is really taking the piss and is going to bleed you dry. If he refuses to pay you more than a hundred pounds per month, then I'd ask him to move out.

Except I don't think people are saying he should be responsible for paying her mortgage, it doesn't mean he shouldn't be paying towards bills and expenses of having him and his children living there and most threads where the sexes are reversed, the advice isn't £100 plus a bit of money towards the food shop as reasonable contribution. Most say 50% on bills at a minimum

Honestly, sounds like the definition of c**klodger
He's taking huge advantage of you and you know it

My partner was like this when he first moved in. (I have 2 teenagers at home).Took a lot of arguments before he accepted responsibility and started paying more. I don't have a mortgage (I know very lucky) so he contributes £250 a month towards bills and pays for all the food shopping. Which seems pretty reasonable to me. But he's always been difficult going out for meals etc, often expecting me to pay (he earns a lot more money than me!). He's got a lot better and pays most the time now but I am currently pregnant with his baby! I still worry about it as I find his attitude strange (my ex used to pay for everything) and I do worry about eventually buying a house together as I have more to invest so potentially more to lose. It's a tough one but in my case he has definitely got better as time has gone on

Jesus…I fucking despair! @Dobetter is this a wind up?I really hope so!

Absolutely not, he needs to pay his way. Rent a room/lodger rates locally plus bills.

But to be honest this would be a deal-breaker for me. Is he in serious debt?

£100? what an insult. I’d kick him right back out. Even if you ask for more he’s obviously a tight, selfish prick so it will be an ongoing battle

It’s not even about working out what is a reasonable offer. The fact that 3 months in he has offered £100 is deeply insulting. What does this say about his attitude generally? How can you find someone like this attractive as a partner?

YABU! Because:

You’re allowing yourself to be taken for a mug here I’m sorry to say.

Yes very very silly to let a bloke full time and his 3 kids move in every weekend without the convo of money?

Now you’re questioning if £100 towards bills and half the food shop is OK. You know that’s not right, surely? I’d kick him to the kerb and send him back to his mums to be honest with you.

How long have you been together?

Wow what a catch..

I actually am in shock he hasn't paid you anything up til now. He needs to have a standing order of atleast £500 a month towards bills and food shopping.
How much was his board at his parents house? How much is the mortgage and bills?
You need to get a hold on this as he is basically using you.

If you look at your child as 1 x 3 meals per day x 7 = 21 meals per week, his 3 children would be equivalent of 3 meals per day x2 =6 x 3 children = 18 meals per week. So not a great deal of difference. You both are there full time so heating and general bills should be 50:50. Food bills also almost 50:50, maybe 60:40. So if you protect your house by paying all of the mortgage without a contribution from him, he still needs to pay 50:50 on everything else -changing the 60:40 to 50:50 because he’s not paying mortgage, rent or repairs.
You could ask for more in rent but I think that then affects your rights if you ask him to leave?

I’m gobsmacked you’ve let him get away with taking the piss for this long.
The nerve of him, tightwad user that’s what you’ve landed yourself with.