To think you don’t need to live a particularly “uncomfortable” life to be happy?

[IWasScaredToBeHeld]

Inspired by another thread about a 27 year old who doesn’t go clubbing etc.

im 26 and it really got me wondering.

my evenings are spent going to the gym, having a nice long hot shower and then reading (at this time of year, in front of the fire!). I spend my weekends meal prepping, seeing friends for coffee and relaxing. I go on holidays but they’re usually a city break to do something, not anything particularly challenging. I’d not go backpacking around Asia, for example. I have a decent job with decent progression opportunities but nothing groundbreaking. I’d like a boyfriend but OLD is awful and there’s no sort of clubs I could go to to meet someone in my area.

AIBU to think that’s enough? I’m happy and content with where I am in life!

Maybe it’s just me then!

Sounds good to me but I’m much older.

At your stage I would be of the get out and meet people and develop yourself mindset too so clubs and hobbies etc.

I encourage my children always to have one hobby that you are developing yourself in that allows you to meet like minded people. My daughter your age is big into a water sport for example.

I do have hobbies, but a lot of clubs in my area ended with Covid. So instead of them being face to face clubs, they’re online. Which I don’t mind!

I think if you are happy and content then you are indeed winning at life.

Personally? I am so glad I had my adventures in my 20s. For you? If you're happy then you're happy and that's great. I do worry a bit about a society where more and more people essentially confine their world to their home, though - I think it has a lot of consequences for society as a whole. I don't think that's either your job nor within your power to fix by making yourself do things you don't want to do, though!

I personally don’t think people under 30!should be aiming to be ‘content’. They should be aiming to achieve whatever they want to achieve and your lifestyle clearly doesn’t work for you because you want to date but your lifestyle doesn’t give you the opportunities to meet people.

Your 20s should be about experiences, about building the life you want, about being fearless.

I mean I don’t know what I can do, beyond moving to a totally new city, giving up my career and starting over! But aside from not having a boyfriend I’m incredibly happy.

I think for my generation our adventures look different- like for example I’d rather one big trip a year instead of going off backpacking or something!

This is just me and again I’m older so things obviously have changed in your generation but I don’t see the same value in online clubs. I’d be willing to travel further for face to face.

I think being part of a face to face group is very valuable for well being.

I have a few (book club/writing club/first aider in the community) and my next goal is to take up paddle just for engaging with people.

I’m really glad the pub scene has died a bit of a death in your generation because it had a pretty toxic downside but I do see huge value in constantly extending your social/community face to face contact for well-being.

Contentment is a great thing to achieve

some people can not be content with simpler things in life but that shouldn’t mean they should knock or despise those who are - jealousy would be a more reasonable emotion!

imagine being contented with out having to continually search out the new and exciting in an increasingly limited world

Can I ask why shoukd your 20s be about that? I mean for people who want fine but if someone doesn't why is that wrong.

Contentment with what you have is a great blessing, it doesn't mean you don't save or plan for the future or that you have zero ambition: but not trying to keep up with the Jones's is better for you financially and mentally. True happiness is not in the abundance of possessions but financial security is part of contentment knowing a leaky boiler or burst tyre will not tip you over the edge. A few good friends are better than 200 Facebook followers. I think happiness is having good relationships with family and / or friends and enough money for budgeting not to be a stressful nightmare

This is exactly where I’m at.

im content with my life because I’ll happily spend Saturday baking some bread and meal prepping, going for a nice long cold walk and then having a nice hot bath, allowing me to save for a big holiday next year!

The idea of travelling for an extended period of time has never appealed to me, I like my home comforts too much!

It sounds like you have a decent life balance tbh. You're taking care of your health (going to the gym), keeping your mind active (reading), finding time to socialise and also building a career. It doesn't sound like you're deeply unhappy about being not in a relationship and you're young enough to meet someone if it does become a priority for you.

Well I'm almost 40 - I've never been clubbing and I don't regret it in the slightest. I have 4 amazing kids, in my free time I bake, paint, crochet, sew - oh and ride a motorcycle. My life is am absolute blast - anyone who judges it can carry on with their judgement because it means f all to me - you do you as the kids say!

The thought gives me the ick! I’d also never head down to Australia (as seems to be so popular) because of all the wildlife that wants to kill you 🤣

Contentment is a great thing - and if you have good friends and links in your community - that's great.

I'd think about how you can meet new people though - your 20s is a great time to meet new people and form relationships - and who knows who they might know to help with the dating. And meeting in real life not all online...

Being contented and happy in your life, whatever it looks like, is an absolute gift. I’m so glad you have that, OP

I think if you are having what feels like adventures then, as you say, it doesn't matter what they look like. I wasn't necessarily meaning travelling by that - but taking risks, experiencing new things, testing and challenging yourself a bit. For me (and again - that doesn't make it right for everyone) my 20s was my only decade, and likely to be the only one I get, where I had minimal responsibilities and could have myself as my own focus. It's a privilege to get that all - not everyone does - but for me it was a very precious period where I grew a lot (and I do think you have to risk a bit, and fail a bit, to grow). I think there's a million different ways to do that, but that there is a downside to never doing it.

If you go back to the 60s when I was a child hardly anyone had cars, or phones (in their houses), people biked to school and work. And apart from the monthly whist drive and WRI my DM stayed in. Or sometimes someone came round to play cards on the Sat night. But this was in the country with no nearby pub.

That thread sparked a conversation at my work the other day: it's funny, because I know loads of 20-somethings like you and objectively you're probably taking better care of yourselves than everyone my age (mid 30s) and older did. So in theory it's 'better'. But we all came to the conclusion we felt a bit sad that so many younger people are so .....sensible? I have friends whose kids or much younger siblings are at uni now and they've got such clean, rigid routines of working out and meal prepping and bed at 11pm latest and it's all 100% better for the body than what we were doing but I wonder if they'll look back when they're older and feel like they missed out??

Maybe not though - there were plenty of downsides to my late teens/20s being a time of chaos and silliness! But I look back on it so fondly now I'm a bit older and more settled and living the same kind of lifestyle you are.

BUT. Who cares what I or any other older person thinks - you're right, if you're happy then that's what's important!

I think it sounds confined, and like someone living well within their very small comfort zone, but you do you. I prefer stretching myself, and certainly that period in my life involved living in several different countries, learning new languages, new cultures, new relationships, studying, putting myself in different contexts, figuring out where I wanted to be. It means that by the time you want to settle in a job/in a relationship/in a place, you've experienced a lot of different ones so you can make an informed choice, rather than just be stuck in the country you happened to be born in.

But that's not for everyone.

But it can’t have been that good lifestyle if you no longer live it? And there are other years to live - fun and good life being over at 30 seems quite negative

Knowing what you want rather than what you’re being told you want is always a good first step. Stick to your guns.

You don't need to live your life according to what anyone else thinks you 'should' be doing.