To think you don’t need to live a particularly “uncomfortable” life to be happy?

[IWasScaredToBeHeld]

Inspired by another thread about a 27 year old who doesn’t go clubbing etc.

im 26 and it really got me wondering.

my evenings are spent going to the gym, having a nice long hot shower and then reading (at this time of year, in front of the fire!). I spend my weekends meal prepping, seeing friends for coffee and relaxing. I go on holidays but they’re usually a city break to do something, not anything particularly challenging. I’d not go backpacking around Asia, for example. I have a decent job with decent progression opportunities but nothing groundbreaking. I’d like a boyfriend but OLD is awful and there’s no sort of clubs I could go to to meet someone in my area.

AIBU to think that’s enough? I’m happy and content with where I am in life!

Question *

I spent my 20s finishing education, starting long hours proper jobs visiting now DH long distance to keep that realtionship going but most importantly paying of uni debts (mostly masters) and saving like mad - and towards end of 20s getting married and having first kids.

Only because I saved so hard could we in early 30s buy a house.

Friends and family have done differenet things some settled down earlier some much later and some feel they missed the boat- some traveled some worked abroad - some have no kids some much younger and some independent and a few older one are GP - some are doing more traveling and adventuring now kids are independent most seem relatively happy with the choices they have made.

But why does 'fun' have to be someone else's idea of fun?? Going to a packed out/club, queueing at the bar, loud and noisy is NOT my idea of fun, and never has been.

I felt obliged to try in in my uni years - but didn't really enjoy it . I'm surpirsed and pleased my kids seem to bend less to social pressure than I did at same age. They will try thing but if they don't like won't get pressured into going again but suggest other options.

You sound happy, and I met my husband at the gym so there’s always that possibility!

I’m desperate to visit the Norfolk broads and get a boat - but i do think that’s a little dangerous to do alone!

I'm older than you (mid 30s now) but I also didn't want to travel and backpack.... so I didn't! I went to uni and my early 20s involved going out with mates and drinking etc., but I was settled down with my not-yet-DH by 23 and living in a flat together. Got myself a good step on career ladder and worked longish hours, so didn't want to spend weekends clubbing etc. Spent time saving and bought house at 24, married at 25 and then had my first child at 26!

Everyone's route to life is different. Don't worry about comparing yourself - if you are happy, then you're happy. No need to second guess if that's OK. So many people are desperately lonely or unhappy and hiding it, so take comfort in the contentment you have - its so out of reach for so many people!

I’m kind of spiritual about it tbh. We get one life, it’s for us. We come in alone, we go out alone.

Most of modern life has only been around for 1 or 2 hundred years. The rules were slowly made up and built up by - and to benefit - the people who wanted to be in charge and have the most. So there became a huge culture of doing the most.

You really have to live it for yourself, find your own meaning within the system we’re stuck with and let other people’s judgements go over you, as long as you’re not causing any harm yourself or anyone else.

Also , I noted that you still live at home with your parents. I know property is expensive etc but you have a good job - could you afford to rent a place with some housemates? It might not be as comfortable as living at home but your life and social circle might open up in new and exciting ways. Be honest - you don’t really want to be travelling alone, do you? You want someone to love and to experience life with. If you want your life to change then you need to do something different.

I know 2 people who were still living with parents in their late 20s and they are still there now in their 40s and the chance of having their own families has passed them by. It is a sadness, because it is something they would have wanted.

So yes, you have time! But it would be very easy to keep putting off making a change and find before long that years have passed. I would not have met my husband if I had stayed living at home with my parents.

I see that you have been through a lot and the phrase occurs to me - the ship is safe in the harbour, but that’s not what ships are for. Good luck. I wish you all the best.

I think this is an incredibly dismissive comment.

Yes, I do want to travel alone. I get anxious and overwhelmed and I need to be alone. I need to be able to move at my own pace. If I want to be at the airport four hours early, I need to be able to do that. Not moderating that for others.

The property market is fucked. There are two house shares in my area. Both of which are £850 a month, one of which doesn’t allow anyone who’s had a cat in the last five years (they say it’s due to a severe allergy), the other of which is three men in their 40s.

Where are all the young single people
living? Maybe they are to be found in a different, cheaper area. Where do your friends live? Are they at home with parents too? Maybe you could find a place together?

I know what anxiety is like and I just want to encourage you to reach for the life that you want, despite it.

My 20s were socialising (clubbing and city centre nights out died off by mid-20s as work zapped my energy) activities and interesting "travelling" holidays.

My 30s were the early phase of child rearing.

As my 40s go on, I'm reclaiming more of myself as family commitments ease. I've continued some activities from my 20s & 30s, I've tried some new ones too.

I'm looking forwards to my 50s when DH and I can return to adventurous holidays for us rather than family compromise holidays.

Different things make different people happy, but in-person social contact (to different extents) is important for long term health and happiness. That doesn't mean clubbing; for autistic DS, that's Warhammer and parkrun, but that social connection of doing things with others is important.

I was lucky to swerve "dating"; I met DH at uni through an activity and fortunately he was worth (potentially) spending the rest of our lives together. The thought of OLD strikes me with horror, mainly because there's so many awful men loitering around it, and hard to filter the good ones.

There's more than one way to be happy, but some flexibility and experimenting in youth before being constrained by commitments is useful life experience, and fun to recall if nothing else.

If you are happy , that’s great. You have the rest of your life to be content, though?
I’m 40 now and approaching middle age and I’d say I am content too, but when I was in my 20s I got up to some wild stuff that’s fun to look back on when the daily grind gets to me. I can’t do it now because I’ve got a child, partner, mortgage.
Just a thought.

You sound quite scared of the big wide world

Happiness looks different to different people. All that matters is you being happy. I did lots of partying when I was younger, Ibiza, festivals, superclubs. It was fun but my happiest memories are the little things like watching a sunset, autumn walks, decorating the Christmas tree, family meals. Keep doing what makes you happy.

I have 3 friends who were living with their parents in their late 20s. They all got married early-mid 30s and 2 have children. 2 of them met their husbands online. I don't know what the older generations problem is with young people choosing to live their lives in a different way than they did.

Your 20s should be about experiences, about building the life you want, about being fearless.
Why 'should' it be about those things though?
It can be about whatever you want it to be, there's no rights or wrongs.

Ops life may seem limited to some people and thats absolutely fine nit she has social connections, engages well with others and his happy. Sounds like there is no drama or complications. Op is doing ok.

I'm exactly the same (glad to hear it's not just me). I just coast along in my own little world, and I seem to be more content and happier than many others are. I like my life and wouldn't change it.

What's dangerous about that?

I'm glad my kids are not so " content" to be at home at 26. That would be cramping my style .

I’ve been on canal boat holidays and the like before - unless you’re incredibly competent at steering the boat etc you shouldn’t be doing it alone. For the safety of you and everyone around you. Last time I went, I was 15! It’s not a good idea.

Yes, my friends all live with their parents too. We are scattered all around the country, because Covid pretty abruptly ended our third year of university and we were essentially given three days to get home. We didn’t have any of the typical end of uni experiences.

I’m glad my parents understand the state of the housing market and the general cost of living crisis, and choose to support me and not worry about their style being “cramped”

Yet I’m going travelling on my own 😂

Sure, "not anything particularly challenging"
For someone so happy and content you're very defensive about other people's perspectives 🤷

Because it’s an absolutely ridiculous thing to suggest.

I don’t want to go and backpack round Thailand, so sue me? I’d rather explore Europe slowly and in detail, than spend six months sleeping in hostels with a bunch of other people, sweating and stinking.