To think you don’t need to live a particularly “uncomfortable” life to be happy?

[IWasScaredToBeHeld]

Inspired by another thread about a 27 year old who doesn’t go clubbing etc.

im 26 and it really got me wondering.

my evenings are spent going to the gym, having a nice long hot shower and then reading (at this time of year, in front of the fire!). I spend my weekends meal prepping, seeing friends for coffee and relaxing. I go on holidays but they’re usually a city break to do something, not anything particularly challenging. I’d not go backpacking around Asia, for example. I have a decent job with decent progression opportunities but nothing groundbreaking. I’d like a boyfriend but OLD is awful and there’s no sort of clubs I could go to to meet someone in my area.

AIBU to think that’s enough? I’m happy and content with where I am in life!

I am similar. I'm 22, married, and have a baby. I feel very settled and I really enjoy my slow life right now. I have my hobbies and I enjoy going on pram walks with my baby, baking, cooking, reading, dates with my husband. I've never been clubbing and I have no desire to.

Having said that, we do live abroad and we're emigrating again in about a year so maybe some people would say that's adventurous.

Some people are excitement and stimulation seekers, others are comfort and pleasure seekers. There's no objective 'right' way to feel. But I think a well rounded life involves occasionally sacrificing comfort in the interests of experience, and making sure you have enough comfort to rest and recuperate.

Completely agree with this. A balanced approach is essential.

Obsessive thrill seeking and a fear of ever coming out of your comfort zone are extreme ends of the spectrum and neither is healthy.

It’s important to challenge yourself to gain perspective and build resilience. Never breaking routine and always taking the safest option is not going to bring the best out in anyone. But a person who is constantly seeking stimulation is probably not that comfortable with themselves.

See I'm the other end and it's my 50s that I have the greatest freedom to do things

If you are happy, stay happy! I have stories of the things I did when younger travel, clubbing, questionable sexual adventures. They all contribute to my life and I remember them fondly now in my 60s as part of what made me who I am but it is a somewhat rosy spectacle view if I am completely honest.

Whilst I don't regret the things I did, if I am truly honest much of young life was spent restless and unhappy, seeking for something to have meaning for me. Some cause wider than me that I could fight for or achive to make sure my life meant something. I regularly asked myself ' What is my life for, how can I get some meaning or excitment in my life?' In retrospect that is pretty ego driven, which is fine, I was young so it can be excused but I don't necessarily think it should be emulated

It took me a long time to find out that you make your own meaning and that it can be found in the small every day things as easly as the large things .

I will say it again, if you are happy and content, stay that way, it is not a small thing. If you find yourself becoming less content and happy, then of course review this but there is no need to be ' adventurous and taking risks if you have no desire to and very happy how you are'

Do you live with your parents @IWasScaredToBeHeld ?

Good for you op. Take pleasure in the simple things in life, it will make you happy.

As I’ve said, yes.

No point telling me how bad it is, how I should move out etc. I cannot afford to, I won’t be doing so and that’s that. I’m not going to debate it because there’s no point

If you are happy then don’t change. I am in my 50’s now and living my life now similar to yours. It’s only when I look back in my early 20’s rebelling, drinking etc and I see once that all passed when I was 25 and living in a one room bedsit by myself with a steady job, it’s the happiest I ever felt. And now I have gone full circle and living that way again (albeit in a two bedroom apartment with a dog).
So don’t feel pressured to ‘experience’ life or travel far and wide. Just do what works for you. That inner peace and authenticity is worth its weight in gold.

Very good point.

This.

Making yourself going clubbing if you don't really enjoy it isn't a win.

Finding what you love, and maybe finding others who also love it (or some of it)...winning

I have found too that I don't regret making the effort to do something I want to do, even if it may be easier to stay home.

I used to use "I will give that some thought"

I have, however, joined a bigger gym that’s used by more people my age!

Okay I see now. That makes a big difference.

I think its really odd that so many women can claim to be so worldly wise, having lived a storybook life in their 20s, and yet aren't wise enough to recognise and understand that people don't all like and need the same things or to experience them in the same way. We take enjoyment from all sorts of things, and there is absolutely nothing to say you have to move to another country, learn to tap dance, kiss frogs, be legless in the gutter etc to have a good time, surely?!

Haven’t RTFT, but if you’re happy that’s all that matters, surely?

I’m a decade older than you and I absolutely love going out, to raves, festivals, bar hopping, live music, etc. I also love adventure travel - skiing, mountain climbing, kayaking etc. mixed in with city breaks and beach holidays. I also exercise most days and take a long hot shower (don’t really class these things as hobbies though 😅).

One thing I absolutely can’t stand is the feeling that life is passing me by and I’m not making the most of being young, fit and healthy. My weekends are jam packed with activities and seeing friends and every day of annual leave is used to go somewhere - I never take AL and just waste it doing admin or sitting around. I have the sort of social calendar and travel plans that would make some people exhausted to just look at - but this is what brings me joy and fills my cup. 😊

We’re all different. Do what makes you happy.

I don’t understand what this means. My biggest trips were backpacking trips - longest was my gap year but I’ve done a few 3-4 week backpacking trips since. City breaks are ‘small’ trips to me (often only a few days), whereas travelling around a country for a few weeks are the ‘big’ trips, IMO.

It sounds like you’re in a good place for you. Well done on losing I think you said seven stone, and having a job that gives you a great balance. Saving for holidays that you love planning is a great way to invest in yourself. It just sounds a little … safe and small - for me, anyway. Your 20s are your foundation years and for most people it’s the decade where you spread your wings and find an independent life. What do you think your life will look like in ten years?

We're all different, if that's what makes you happy then go for it. If you would like a partner to have children with though don't let time ger away from you. I think your life sounds nice for what it's worth, a cosy home, friends to see and food in the freezer is what some people dream of.

I don’t understand all these replies from young married people. Op is single and wants to meet someone. Going to have to venture further than baking bread if you want to meet someone outside of online dating.

I think contentment can also be interchanged with “staying in your comfort zone” - and it’s a nice safe, warm and predictable feeling to be content, sure, but that feeling dwindles in my experience. You get content where you are and then you need to find the next thing to challenge you, to push the boundaries of that comfort zone and expand your world.

My thirties have felt challenging. I had a child (which I found hard but exceptionally rewarding), moved house and developed friendship networks from scratch, worked really hard on improving my fitness (meeting people in the process at a new gym), joined a hobby that was half an hours drive away where I knew no one, made a semi high risk investment that’s paid off and in the last few months I’ve started my own small business on top of my day job as a result. All of this has felt unsettling and nerve wracking at times. I’ve questioned my decision making at times but with each life change my world has improved. My days feel like a bit of a roller coaster of imposter syndrome and anxiety sometimes, but then that settles down as I get used to the new normal and I find myself scratching around for the next thing to do. Without challenge and discomfort I would not grow.

I find contentment in gardening, socialising, watching tv, cooking and seeing family but these things are not my whole life - they are the things I do that ground me to cope with living a life that forces me to feel scared sometimes and to grow.

No need to be snarky.

As I have said countless times now. I’m happy as I am - a boyfriend would be nice but it’s definitely not my top priority. I want to travel, I want to lose more weight, I want to have more fun experiences. If I find a man while doing that, great. If I don’t, oh well. My worth isn’t tied to my relationship status.

So for me, I’d rather spend ten days in a country, exploring and in a hotel, than backpacking. It seems utterly vile

I think a big problem is young people being able to afford to have much leisure activity, with sky high rents student loans and wage erosion.

A night out can easily cost north of £100 with booze and / or food.

OK so there are cheaper ways to do a night out but it all adds up especially factoring in transport, entry etc