To think you don’t need to live a particularly “uncomfortable” life to be happy?

[IWasScaredToBeHeld]

Inspired by another thread about a 27 year old who doesn’t go clubbing etc.

im 26 and it really got me wondering.

my evenings are spent going to the gym, having a nice long hot shower and then reading (at this time of year, in front of the fire!). I spend my weekends meal prepping, seeing friends for coffee and relaxing. I go on holidays but they’re usually a city break to do something, not anything particularly challenging. I’d not go backpacking around Asia, for example. I have a decent job with decent progression opportunities but nothing groundbreaking. I’d like a boyfriend but OLD is awful and there’s no sort of clubs I could go to to meet someone in my area.

AIBU to think that’s enough? I’m happy and content with where I am in life!

Living abroad just doesn’t interest me at all. I like travelling, but it just doesn’t appeal to me at all.

Exactly.

I just don’t really see what I’m missing out on.

Late nights drinking are nowhere near as enjoyable to me as a nice day with my friends (and I’ve been there, done that, in terms of drinking). I’d rather go to a concert than a club - same experience but less grotty!

It was a season of life - and I'm both glad I had it, and glad that I no longer do. I now live a very different, much more 'content', settled life which is 100% the life I want now. But I would be a different person if I hadn't had the experiences prior to that, and I think I would have learned so much less about myself.

It's like: I am very glad that I married DH and not any of my previous boyfriends. But I'm glad I had the previous ones, including the unsuitable ones - and I'm glad I wasn't his first love, either. There would have been much less heartbreak if I'd just met and started going with DH at 16 instead, but I think I'd be the lesser for it and actually would lack some of the experience and tools that make my relationship so happy now.

I think this age is a really strange time to be honest in that there isn’t really a “right” way to be living, but if you compare with others you can end up feeling you’ve got it wrong!

We’re also in our late 20’s & happily married, home owners, both have good stable jobs & a beautiful daughter. We planned our lives this way and are totally happy with that but even just among out closest friends if I think of our “group” lots of us have wildly different lives!

I have friends in the same position as my husband & I, I have two friends who decided earlier this year to move to Australia and haven’t come back yet with no plans to, I have another friend who went travelling last year and totally fell in love with it & came back to work and build up money to go back so he’s leaving again in November to travel as much of South America as he can manage before he runs out of money, I have a friend who is going into her second year of uni now studying for her dream job- she didn’t know what she wanted to do before but is super excited to have found it and be working towards it, I have a friend who’s working for a parent and loving the role and the comfort of being at home with her family, I also have a friend who is about to relocate to London for a really exciting job opportunity.

The point is we’re all the same age but most of us are doing very different things, we’re all happy and none of us are wrong- just different. As long as YOU are happy with your life that really is all that matters.

You seem to have found what many people spend a lifetime chasing OP.

So many people seem to be chasing experiences, running after milestones and ticking off bucket lists whilst missing the day to day things in the processes.

There's an old quote that sums it up "We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today".

I didn't 'get out there' living my 'best' life in my 20s unless people are suggesting clubbing, parties, sex, drugs etc and being generally risky (what i did) are what makes your 20s so great!

I was full of anxiety, crippling self confidence and this stopped me from travelling or going to Uni

Now the end of my 40s my life is great as I went to Uni at 30, I've travelled quite a lot and have a great partner and dog.

However.. what's the saying 'comparison is the thief of joy'...
I see others my age in clubs, doing activities with others and all these fulfilling hobbies and I don't do a single thing like that! Thank god as after a day at work I'm done with people!!

So we can all compare at different life stages. I wonder if the 'get out there' brigade are also making an assumption you'll have children one day so you need to do it before then. I've got no children so simply don't have this pressure and have been able to take time off to pursue other dreams as I've felt like it.

This is a great thread OP. My eldest DD is 24 and she has a similar outlook to you - she's just off for a weekend break to the Cotswolds! She would like a better job as she's struggling with her rent but she has a career path (specialist career in art) so that's on the cards. When I was her age I was permanently off my face, still on husband no. 1 (who was also off his face with me hence it had to stop). I had no idea where I was going in life but I assumed it was somewhere and it ended up I wasn't going very far at all, so my party lifestyle brought nothing to my party so as to speak.

I read something about not encouraging your children to think they have to be ambitious they have to achieve XYZ as soon as possible, as that leads to unhappiness. But then I also read that you should take your 20s seriously as they ARE an important foundation. So in our own different ways, did I, and does DD24, not understand that and so didnt/wont make the most of opportunities?

As I say, interesting thread.

(Edited to say that as well as partying, I was working 2 jobs, studying and at aerobics 3 times a week, no internet and no car so I was out dashing around and seeing people IRL - very different to what is normal today)

You sound self reliant and self assured and in these days of so many young people facing serious mental health challenges and insecurity, you’re pretty balanced and content .
Now that is winning in life .
Finding pleasure in simple things ❤️
There’s no rush for young people these days to cram everything in before relationships/ marriage etc - this is a generation who are choosing what’s best for themselves and not influenced by society pressures xxx

God that sounds lovely! Im looking at booking myself a solo walking holiday soon 🤣🤣 my parents have always encouraged me to do what makes me happy, and I think that means I’m now very happy with my own company. I don’t NEED to be around someone to do what I love.

Obviously if you are happy that's all there is to it. Are you posting because you are not sure you are happy?

Everyone is different. I have a party animal dc and one that isn’t, and one that is only sometimes.

There is no “should “, imo.

Sounds like the 'soft life' trend

It's partly a move away from hustle/grind culture which people became disillusioned with when they felt burnt-out and used by corporations/employers who wanted maximum time and effort without any return. People feel less like excelling and giving 110% when it feels like you don't see any reward for it.

People have this idea that everyone's 20s should look like their 20s, or like the 20s they wish they had.

I had DD at 19 and all anyone could say was "your 20s are supposed to be for clubbing!", "your 20s are supposed to be this, that or the other". My 20s were the perfect mix of parties and uni career development with raising a family and having adventures together. If I'd waited until 30, I wouldn't have been able to conceive and would already have been diagnosed with a brain tumour by that point so wouldn't have had kids anyway.

It may not be the life others choose, but it's the one I chose and I've loved it. I don't go around telling people "you shouldn't be clubbing! You should be having babies!". It's no different.

@HangerLaneGyratorySystem Brilliant user name!

Brilliant user name too ! Now it’s my ear worm for today 😂🎶

I think it takes all sorts. My daughter isn’t the clubbing type because she’s into horses, so would rather be with her horse. Her equestrian friends are the same and it’s bedtime early to get up early. My friends dd is the clubbing type and is out with her friends most weekends

That’s exactly it.

I could take a risk, move to London and have a fancy job bringing in a ton of money, but for what reward?

I live by the sea, I work a 9-5, never work late or weekends, I can take annual leave whenever I want

No, I’m very confident in myself and my choices. I just think it’s a very interesting conversation because people seem to think this type of life isn’t fulfilling or happy!

Why don’t you try something new like am dram or a stand up comedy class or language lessons or padel to get out of your comfort zone and meet new people and maybe a boyfriend

For me, that would be a very dull life.And I m fifty. But for other people such as my husband that is his way of living, and he loves it. Neither way is better or worse.

I spend lots of evenings out clubbing, going to gigs, art events, playing and watching sport stuff with 100s of different friends.
He goes to the same pub with the same friends a lot. He goes climbing and cycling on his own and is very happy.

we meet in the middle to go on long dog walks, meals.out on our own, the occassional social event, camping and fun holidays.

Different strokes!

Because none of those sound appealing to me. I don’t have to do things I don’t like!

Thank god someone has finally recognised my brilliance! Years ago I was StaplesCorner. Not a titter.

It sounds nice op. If you’re happy, don’t worry about what anyone else is doing.