To think you don’t need to live a particularly “uncomfortable” life to be happy?

[IWasScaredToBeHeld]

Inspired by another thread about a 27 year old who doesn’t go clubbing etc.

im 26 and it really got me wondering.

my evenings are spent going to the gym, having a nice long hot shower and then reading (at this time of year, in front of the fire!). I spend my weekends meal prepping, seeing friends for coffee and relaxing. I go on holidays but they’re usually a city break to do something, not anything particularly challenging. I’d not go backpacking around Asia, for example. I have a decent job with decent progression opportunities but nothing groundbreaking. I’d like a boyfriend but OLD is awful and there’s no sort of clubs I could go to to meet someone in my area.

AIBU to think that’s enough? I’m happy and content with where I am in life!

I'm 58, I don't care how anyone else spends their time. If what you do keeps you happy and content that's living.
The whole "oh I spent my 20s off my face, backpacking, shagging around" brigade probably need to get back to living their own lives instead of judging others. Life doesn't stop at 30.

Totally up to you what you enjoy!

At 26 I was single after a LDR broke down, had just bought my own flat in London, working hard as a lawyer earning 6 figures, spending loads of time with friends. Never spent that much money or travelled loads. Recently back from living in New York for work. Met DP at 27 through mutual friends and nights out / hanging out at the pub.

Unsolicited advice: I’d make sure you’re putting what you can into a pension and S&S ISA 😂 Hope all goes well.

Me too! I am a little older, but I enjoy going to the gym, singing in my choir, having coffee, my church, cooking meals, playing board games, going for days out, paddle boarding, swimming. I hate night clubs, don't really drink much alcohol and am not a party girl (never have been).
Oh and I like cross stitch so I must be a real loser ehh?

You should only live your life the way you want to, there is absolutely no point in doing something just because you think it’s what you should do or because everyone else is doing it. That said, I look back on my twenties and can’t believe I was so lucky to have that be such a fantastic decade in my life. I was with my partner, but I was out clubbing and getting drunk with my mates too, at concerts with my best friends, going on hen dos and meeting new people, sitting in the pub garden in the summer with friends and not knowing where the afternoon/evening would take us… Now I’m approaching 40, married and a mum, my life is very very different now and I think back on those days so fondly. I don’t want to go back to it, but now my life is more calm and quiet it’s nice to look back on and be glad I had those experiences. Whatever you like to do, I hope you can look back at this current period of your life one day and have it make you smile. That doesn’t have to involve clubbing or backpacking around Asia on a shoestring budget though - you do you.

I don't think anyone needs to go clubbing/travelling etc, but I do think there is a risk that you could pass each day contentedly doing very little and then realise that life has passed you by. It is worth taking the time to consider whether you have long term life goals be it marriage/children/owning a house/what you want out of a career, and whether to get those things you may have to move out of your comfort zone.

this precisely. I am in my 70's. I lived close to the King's Road in my teen years and used to go to the pubs and restaurants, never clubbed, never wanted to, never backpacked, never wanted to. I have travelled but because of my husband's jobs, we weren't wealthy but travelled in great comfort. I don't see why anyone should do what someone else thinks they should do because it was what they did when they were young.

my whole (longish) life I have NEVER had any long term plans or objectives. I don't think I have ever done anything that has taken me outside my comfort zone but maybe my comfort zone is HUGE!

That’s what I did in my early twenties (thirty years ago).

It was amazing. My chosen career didn’t work out but I tried many things. - went to university, worked in loads of places, lived in loads of places, did hobbies.

Socialised, shopped and went out at night. I made and lost friends and dated. I kissed a lot of frogs but at 30 met my husband in the large HMO we both had rooms in. We went across the road to the pub and we’re still happily together 25 years on.

It wasn’t ‘comfortable’ - but it was fun, hard work and interesting. It wasn’t all about drinking and I never touched drugs.

I’m 55 now and live in the country. I have the same comfortable, homey life that you describe but I feel a bit stifled by it. I’m saddened that my previously vibrant local town closing down almost completely and having no reason to ever leave my home - I’m so fed up of going for walks!

Covid ended a lot of things I enjoyed and for me working at home, online clubs, shopping etc are nothing compared to the ‘real’ outside world experiences of those things.

Like the PP you were replying to my own mental health has been affected negatively by the changes brought about by the digital world and I think for young people and the larger society it could be disastrous. I sometimes look around me and think it already is.

This might come across as overly dramatic to some people but having been young in the 1980’s and 1990’s I look back, and at society now and I really don’t think it is.

I was young in the 60's and 70's and I don't agree with you.

It just goes to show everyone is different.

I think I’d kill myself if I were to work a high pressured corporate job just to get the chance to kiss a few frogs. I don’t want to work in the hustle culture at all

This

I go to concerts, sporting events etc., but without drinking. I hate clubbing with a passion!

Wow. I don’t think I deserved that - saying you’d ‘kill yourself’ if you had to have a normal 1980’s style social life is ridiculous.

And I didn’t have a corporate career. A high pressure job of any kind was never on the cards for me and it was a beautiful northern town, not London. I didn’t like clubbing either.

I did an art degree and the jobs I had were in bookshops and museums, convents and gardens - between jobs I volunteered and compared to OLD going out with friends and meeting boys was fun and easy.

I think its sad that young people are not experiencing the world that we older ones did because ‘the world’ as we knew it has disappeared but there’s nothing we can do about that.

I’m glad if you are truly happy but you’re not are you? You keep saying you’re happy except for not having a boyfriend. You say you don’t want to ‘kiss frogs’ but the world of online dating is not exactly pleasant either is it?

I never said anything about the “80a social lifestyle” - I said high pressured corporate job. No need to be so sensitive.

I genuinely do not care that I am single. Would it be nice to have a partner? In some ways yes but some ways no. I love my solo travel, going and doing what I want when I want, and not having to worry about anyone else.

I’m not the one being oversensitive sweetie. Your replies are way over the top.

You asked a question. And we answered. I’m done with this.

“Sweetie”

if you must know, I’ve done the corporate life. Burnt out and ended up really unwell with severe mental health issues. But yes, I’m “over the top”

Why did you ask if you didn't want anyone to suggest that your approach was anything other than perfect? Did you just want a thread of people congratulating you on having it all figured out?

Your life sounds lovely OP. I'm 52 but from 18-25 I had what most would consider a boring life. I did a few courses at the local college and spent most of my time with my boyfriend at his parent's house. We spent our time cooking, shopping and going out for meals. I'm not with my boyfriend/exH now but I'd love to go back to that time because it was so stable and it was nice to have family around. To me it seemed exciting anyway and my mental health was pretty good.

I'm autistic so bear that in mind, but going to the Maldives for our honeymoon was really scary for me and even though it was beautiful, I hated it and we came home early.

I didn’t expect the lecturing “you should leave!!”, I wanted discussion.

I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’ve only just got to a place where I can travel alone

But why does 'fun' have to be someone else's idea of fun?? Going to a packed out/club, queueing at the bar, loud and noisy is NOT my idea of fun, and never has been. I went nightclubbing about 5 times and I hated it each time (now early 50s) . I do like a quiet pub with a meal though
I love to see 2 good friends regularly, I love to go out for lots of walks with DH and Ddog. I have no desire to go on a holiday to an out of place country and 'rough' it.
I do have some countries I'd love to visit including Canada and New Zealand but its not the time family wise.
I LOVE to create, I love making cards/jewellery/baking and x stitch(since early teens) and will spend hours doing it. And like OP also absolutely adore soaking in the baths (no interruptions, door is locked).

I LOVE the fact that people do not just behave as expected like in the past, and are happy to live their life they love!

I think people should just do whatever they want in their 20s. Some people are adventurous and others just aren’t

@IWasScaredToBeHeld I still can't travel alone ....I haven't been out of the country since my honeymoon in 2000. I'm a bit like Miranda in that I'd rather imagine going abroad without the hassle of going :). I'm looking forward to moving house so that I can go to the North Norfolk coast...I highly recommend!

Indeed. This

It’s a strange quest in a way, although the answers are even stranger.

You get one shot at life and happiness is the ultimate goal, which it sounds like you have achieved.

It really doesn’t matter what makes others happy and even less what they think should make a person of a certain age happy.