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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Can I take you out for a meal"?

318 replies

RachelTopliss · 22/09/2025 20:16

Would you find this odd? It sounds like it's come from the 70s. What's a meal anyway? It sounds creepy. Lunch or dinner maybe yes but a meal?

I said I was busy.

OP posts:
Nobumsonthetable · 22/09/2025 21:26

Yeah I hate the word meal. You can invite me out for dinner but not for a meal. Bleugh.

gannett · 22/09/2025 21:27

whatasillygoose · 22/09/2025 21:02

Yeah I agree too but also can’t really verbalise why.

Would you like to go for dinner/lunch/a meal? Fine.

Take you out for… Sounds a bit eurgh to me. I don’t need to be ‘taken out’ or treated.

Show quote history

If you're going to have a reaction of visceral disgust to perfectly normal words that don't actually indicate anything amiss with someone's character, you should at least be articulate enough yourself to explain why. "A bit eurgh" is less acceptable than "can I take you out".

aWeeCornishPastie · 22/09/2025 21:29

What @PegDopesaid. Poor guy

BunnyLake · 22/09/2025 21:29

I loathe the word meal but it wouldn’t put me off if I liked someone. If he seems genuinely decent I might even see it as quaintly old fashioned in a nice way.

Fluffyowl00 · 22/09/2025 21:32

Yeah. Much better to wait for a guy who asks you over to just to play Xbox.

He’s plucked up the courage to ask you out and you’ve looked at him like he’s shat in your mouth.

A gentle let down would do.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 22/09/2025 21:33

'May I' etc would sound a bit better but apart from that?

Nothing wrong with it.

Overtheatlantic · 22/09/2025 21:34

I got asked once if I wanted to “share a meal” as in have dinner together. I’m considerably older than the OP and I was massively put off.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 22/09/2025 21:35

Fluffyowl00 · 22/09/2025 21:32

Yeah. Much better to wait for a guy who asks you over to just to play Xbox.

He’s plucked up the courage to ask you out and you’ve looked at him like he’s shat in your mouth.

A gentle let down would do.

Or wait for a guy to suggest going for a walk as a date, that’s much more modern and less uncleish.

GreenFlag · 22/09/2025 21:36

Sounds like they dodged a bullet

Gagaandgag · 22/09/2025 21:38

What would you prefer they say instead?

pizzaHeart · 22/09/2025 21:39

Arlanymor · 22/09/2025 20:21

Totally normal - it means EITHER lunch or dinner, and it suggests that they are offering to treat you... although that should always be clarified ahead of time as sometimes people don't seem to think that phrases mean the same thing. A bit like 'next Friday' versus 'this Friday'. I would think it was a perfectly nice request and if you don't, then you don't have to accept, as indeed you didn't. Non issue.

This ^
and maybe he meant that brunch was a possibility either.

dollyblue01 · 22/09/2025 21:40

How old is he who’s asking ?

Mydadsbirthday · 22/09/2025 21:41

I accept it's a normal thing to say but I'm with the OP. I can't bear the word "meal". It makes me feel sick.

Mistyglade · 22/09/2025 21:44

I’d be delighted at their rather novel these days old fashioned manners.

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 22/09/2025 21:45

"Going out for a meal" and "picky bits" are all very normal phrases round here. Are you from the south east by any chance OP?

Hankunamatata · 22/09/2025 21:47

Seems fine to say meal. The person saying meal then puts the ball in your court to choose - brunch, dinner, lunch etc

Mistyglade · 22/09/2025 21:50

I bet he was nervous using formal language like that as well.

Abracadabra12345 · 22/09/2025 21:50

123dontcomeatme · 22/09/2025 21:15

I dont think it's a normal word. Ive not heard anyone say that since about 1985. People say ' go out for dinner/ supper '

Maybe it's a north/ south thing?

Well I’m in the south and we often talk about going out for a meal. Maybe we’re peasants though

MyElatedUmberFinch · 22/09/2025 21:51

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 22/09/2025 21:45

"Going out for a meal" and "picky bits" are all very normal phrases round here. Are you from the south east by any chance OP?

They are normal phases in the South East of England.

Galatine · 22/09/2025 21:51

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 22/09/2025 20:19

Yeah, utterly bizarre phrase. Block and end all contact. Maybe write to your local MP too, needs to be raised in Parliament.

Log this with the Police on 101!! This man needs locking up as a danger to women.

Abracadabra12345 · 22/09/2025 21:51

Mydadsbirthday · 22/09/2025 21:41

I accept it's a normal thing to say but I'm with the OP. I can't bear the word "meal". It makes me feel sick.

But why?

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/09/2025 21:53

123dontcomeatme · 22/09/2025 21:03

Op, I agree with you.

I think it's quite old fashioned language that is dated. Depending on your ages it would weird me out even more.

No one under 40 talks like that, but then I also get the ick when men talk about enjoying watching box sets like it's 2002.

Old , stuck in the past and I take as a sign we are not a match.

My dd is 17. The 18 yo boy she’s recently started seeing took her out for a meal (he may have said ‘something to eat’, not sure) and has asked her when he can take her out again. In her age group, the guys apparently pay for everything…

whatasillygoose · 22/09/2025 21:53

gannett · 22/09/2025 21:27

If you're going to have a reaction of visceral disgust to perfectly normal words that don't actually indicate anything amiss with someone's character, you should at least be articulate enough yourself to explain why. "A bit eurgh" is less acceptable than "can I take you out".

Show quote history

Ok.

HoskinsChoice · 22/09/2025 21:53

whatasillygoose · 22/09/2025 21:02

Yeah I agree too but also can’t really verbalise why.

Would you like to go for dinner/lunch/a meal? Fine.

Take you out for… Sounds a bit eurgh to me. I don’t need to be ‘taken out’ or treated.

Show quote history

Definitely this! I hate the concept of 'being taken out', we have moved on from that surely. It makes my skin crawl.

CoastalCalm · 22/09/2025 21:53

Would you find out to dinner weird ? Same thing

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