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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tried three places for lunch today and none cater for women

489 replies

Mrsmunchofmunchington · 22/09/2025 20:10

I went out for lunch today with a friend.
Well, at least we tried to have lunch.
All three places, two pubs and one cafe, were not suitable for women because you needed a penis to get into them or to use the toilet.
We ended up coming back to my home instead.

AIBU to think that everywhere should offer equal service to women?
Or is it my fault for not checking in advance that I could eat there without a penis?
Should I have researched on tripadvisor?
Am I too entitled expecting businesses to ensure non penis having people can pay to eat lunch at their establishment?

Day in the life of a disabled person.

OP posts:
moresoup · 23/09/2025 16:05

LillyPJ · 23/09/2025 15:56

No, of course not. But, for example, if someone's in a wheelchair they can't go up kerbs or a road gravel or over a stile. Do you suggest that we get rid of all kerbs, gravel and stiles? No matter how hard we try, we will never be able to remove all obstacles or enable wheelchair users to be able to do everything that everyone else does. The same goes for people with other disabilities. With the best will in the world, it is impossible to make everything accessible to all.

Show quote history

I don't expect these changes to happen overnight to make everywhere accessible. But of course I expect that when things are constructed or repaired then designing them for accessibility is factored in

MissFitss · 23/09/2025 16:06

All public pavements have dropped kerbs to allow wheelchairs to cross the road easily.

They don't.

Maybe in large towns but if you go small villages they do not all have dropped kerbs

MissFitss · 23/09/2025 16:11

nomas · 23/09/2025 14:35

The thread is about disabled people.

Why don’t you start your own about the challenges of being intolerant?

Show quote history

The thread is about disabled people.
Why don’t you start your own about the challenges of being intolerant?

Why don't you start behaving reasonably and accepting that hidden health issues can cause the same issues- not being able to eat lunch wherever you fancy?

There are several posters here who are coeliac or can't eat 'normal food.

They have exactly the same issues as the OP, namely they cannot eat in some pubs and cafes. Yes, they can walk in but if the menu is off limits they will have to leave.

I don't know if you simply can't see the similarity or what.

SerendipityJane · 23/09/2025 16:16

All public pavements have dropped kerbs to allow wheelchairs to cross the road easily.

No they don't.

And where they do, what happens when it's blocked by a car "for a few seconds" ?

SerendipityJane · 23/09/2025 16:17

Things only change when you have money make noise.

incognitomouse · 23/09/2025 16:28

SweetTalkinWookie · 23/09/2025 13:32

My plans changed today, and I need to grab some lunch in town.

From my office, I can see 30+ places to do that. But at least half of them were inaccessible when I was a wheelchair user.

But there's still a choice of 15 you could go to?

Boomer55 · 23/09/2025 16:30

VickyEadieofThigh · 22/09/2025 20:15

I'm 67. This has NEVER happened to me.

Nor me. I must, as a woman with disabilities, have led a sheltered life. 🙄

StinkyCheeseMoose · 23/09/2025 16:31

Years ago, I accidentally walked into the men only bar in a golf club. It was a bit awkward, but I quickly left and no harm was done.

Since then, I have literally never had a problem...

rwalker · 23/09/2025 16:35

So basically 3 places didn’t gave disabled access

nothing to do with penises

SweetTalkinWookie · 23/09/2025 16:36

incognitomouse · 23/09/2025 16:28

But there's still a choice of 15 you could go to?

Show quote history

...not really the point. And the more I think about it, it's probably far fewer than half that would be able to accommodate my chair to sit and eat at a table.

CharlieKirkRIP · 23/09/2025 16:39

Why not just say you meant disabled instead of lying and saying it was because you are a woman that you were not catered for?

🙄

Sidebeforeself · 23/09/2025 16:40

Op - you’ve spoilt your very valid point by making an unnecessary comparison and then sneering at people who didnt immediately understand it. No need to take your frustrations out on people on here

SerendipityJane · 23/09/2025 16:45

SweetTalkinWookie · 23/09/2025 16:36

...not really the point. And the more I think about it, it's probably far fewer than half that would be able to accommodate my chair to sit and eat at a table.

Show quote history

The PP totally ignored the question of actually wheeling up to any of these 15.

SerendipityJane · 23/09/2025 16:46

CharlieKirkRIP · 23/09/2025 16:39

Why not just say you meant disabled instead of lying and saying it was because you are a woman that you were not catered for?

🙄

Because generally people aren't interested in disabled issues (just read the press). However they are obsessed with gender.

AIBU5 · 23/09/2025 18:05

Mrsmunchofmunchington · 22/09/2025 20:19

When people have posted in a straight forward manner about lack of accessibility there have been suggestions of calling ahead, maybe checking with disability organisations.
Well meant but why should we have to?
Imagine the outrage if women had to ask in advance if they could get into a pub or cafe?

Show quote history

You were not refused access as you were suggesting in you post OP, you couldn't access the places which is frustrating but with all due respect there's a difference. Whilst restaurants and cafes should make reasonable adjustments to cater for disabled people it is not an absolute obligation to make every possible adjustment.

Jonnybigwallet · 23/09/2025 18:05

Maybe a male pal could lend you his penis for a couple of hours?

HollyGolightly4 · 23/09/2025 18:14

SpryLilacSnake · 23/09/2025 12:08

"I went to a restaurant but couldn't eat anything because nothing was gluten free".

People seem to find that absolutely acceptable all the time and whilst I wouldn't personally call coeliac disease a disability it does actually meet the legal criteria and has been counted as a disability in historic employment tribunals.

I actually think it's fair enough that not everywhere can cater for me. I think it's a bad business decision because being gluten free is so common (more than 1/100 people and those people typically eat with friends/family) but that's their choice.

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I don't know anyone who would think that's ok, nor would I expect it to be an issue in 2025. I might be biased as I'm from a diverse city. Totally respect it might be your experience though, and agree it's terrible business sense.

Dugongs · 23/09/2025 18:15

Mrsmunchofmunchington · 22/09/2025 20:14

I honestly thought it was clear enough but replace not catering for women with not catering for disabled people.
I substituted women to try and give some insight into the injustice to a wider audience.

Edited

I'm even more confused by the post, let alone the first one ?!?

Khayker · 23/09/2025 18:20

Mrsmunchofmunchington · 22/09/2025 20:14

I honestly thought it was clear enough but replace not catering for women with not catering for disabled people.
I substituted women to try and give some insight into the injustice to a wider audience.

Edited

Well that didn't work did it?

Disdo · 23/09/2025 18:24

I get it, my Dad had a stroke four years ago, lost the use of his legs and left arm. Opened my eyes to how inaccessible most places are to a wheelchair users even when they make out they are.

Jupsie · 23/09/2025 18:30

No you are not being unreasonable all establishments should cater for both sexis the places you visited are discrimatry

Worndownbyit · 23/09/2025 18:33

What??? This sounds utter nonsense!

Holdingthem · 23/09/2025 18:34

Your example is ridiculous!!

There will always be buildings that aren’t suitable for wheelchairs etc.

MyTwinklyPanda · 23/09/2025 18:42

Stupid post. Just write for disabled people. Drama for drama sake!

LillyPJ · 23/09/2025 18:44

nomas · 23/09/2025 16:02

All public pavements have dropped kerbs to allow wheelchairs to cross the road easily.

Why do you think don't?

And why should disabled people just accept that it's 'impossible to make everything accessible to all' when they can keep flagging it to the businesses?

Things only change when you make noise.

Show quote history

Why accept something that's impossible to change? Errr... because some things are impossible to change. I've said we should keep improving and making people aware of the need to be as accessible as possible. I don't know what else you can expect.

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