DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

Oh this can't be real surely.

Imagine wasting time as a young un on clubbing, drinking and drugs. Like what most people do. How to conform to the base, unimaginative norm 101.

My mother always thought I was abnormal because I did not want to go to prom, I did not drink and I did not do drugs. I don't talk to her much now because she was very vocal about how strange I am. I left my home country at the age of 25, half my life ago, because she could not appreciate me for who I was. Nor did she care. She was like the bitch cheerleaders at school who never got over their school days and never had the imagination to see value where she did not understand it.

Clubbing and partying is living life to the full? 🙄

God, I'll be thrilled if my DS is as happy and wholesome as your DD when he reaches his 20s, rather than the complete mess I was in mine - parting, drink, drugs, horrific mental health.

Not everyone enjoys partying etc. I never did. I was always a quiet person and still am.

Don't judge your dd for not living her life according to what you think constitutes a good life. She's doing what suits her.

Imagine if your mother had tried to tell you what was fun. You are being really judgemental about your own daughter and there's absolutely no need for it. Thousands of people her age would love her life.

I thought you were going to say they are sat on the sofa scrolling their phones all day, smoking weed and ordering takeaway!

Their choices sound incredibly healthy actually! Good for the soul, good for the spirit and good for their wellbeing. You should feel at peace with it.

YABVU. They are living a safe and healthy life they enjoy. That would be a dream for most parents. Why would someone want their child out getting drunk and putting themselves at risk. I imagine this post would really sting if it was read by a parent who has seen their adult child go through alcoholism or drug addiction.
It's not very nice of you to try and make your DD feel wrong for the choices she makes, especially when they are responsible choices.

Maybe, it's there thing. Maybe she has been her soul friend and is happy for them to be as they are. Fancy writing to mumsnet with a query like this. It says more about your view of life than theirs. Perhaps they are introverts and find your expectations vacuous.Live and let live.

You’ve only got to ask yourself one question. Is your DD happy?
If the answer is yes then please leave her alone. Your DH is right. If she’s not happy then you can worry.
My DD is so very different to me. She sounds like your DD apart from the dogs and she does like to travel. I, on the other hand, was always out partying at the weekend. I had no money and my DD has tons.
Different strokes for different folks

She crochets bits? That sounds potentially exciting, at least 😊

Sounds perfect to me. Nice walks are not a waste of live and clubbing is not want anyone wants to be doing these days.

I never really did the clubbing thing. I’m 46. I don’t regret it.

you don’t come across well here @FiddIedeedee . I’m not surprised your daughter is cross with you.

You’re sounding like my mother, who thought her daughters should be doing what she did in her youth — wearing high heels, ‘lovely flattering clothes’, complete with girdles to suck you in, and hoping a man not obviously drunk or a rapist would ask you out to jive (because you weren’t allowed to say no). That was ‘fun’.

YABU.

I did the whole partying and heavily drinking scene in my 20s and I wish I hadn’t. I made alot of mistakes that I wish I could take back.

Nothing can beat the content and peaceful place I am at now where I wouldn’t set foot in a club and happiness to me is a dog walk and a Sunday roast. It sounds like your daughter has her heard screwed on and is happy.

Hi OP @FiddIedeedee, you're getting a hard time on here, but I get it. I had some amazing experiences travelling and exploring in my 20's, ones that really enriched my life and opened my eyes to other cultures and, from what you have said, I suspect you might have done similar things. However, times have changed and perhaps you just need to accept that your DD's life is enriched by other interests and experiences.

My only concern would be if your DD and her partner are cutting themselves off from friends. It can be easy to become very insular without realising it.

Sounds blissful!

Times have changed. Young people don’t seem to go to pubs and nightclubs as much as we did (every weekend sometimes Friday & Saturday).

I’m a real homebody, always have been. Love baking/reading and just pottering about at home. Love the cinema and going to a theatre show on my own.
I’m now in mid fifties and still love my life.
I don’t care if other people think I’m boring.
Hate travelling give me a five star hotel any day. I hate roughing it. My DF liked to go wild camping before it was trendy.

🤣

Im starting to think that OPs post is a stealth bragging post, because as you can see from the voting OP, most of us would love our children to turn out like yours has!

They sound very much like my incredibly happy 27yo DS and his fiancée.

They read, she loves to craft, they are both keen cooks-he was just telling me about the beef bourguignon he just made.
They are National Trust members and love a stately home.
The weekend you described so disparagingly is an ideal weekend for them.

They are 2 of the most grounded and happy people I know.
They had a bit of fun at Uni but don't feel the need for that life now.

They'd rather go to a pub quiz or meet friends than a rave.

I am so proud of them and the life they have built!!

It’s what they enjoy. Personally I’m not into the travelling thing and nights out. I think your dd and me would really get on. I’d rather a nice quiet weekend than out in bars

I am old. I regret absolutely nothing in my life because regrets involve looking to the past, which cannot be changed. Regrets are foolish and a waste of a life. I occasionally think, oh, it might have been nice to travel in South America or Australia, but I didn't so what's the point in wasting time dwelling on it? If your DD is happy now then she will have nothing to regret when she is old, anyway. You should butt out of her life choices and be very grateful to have a DD who is content with her life choices.

Exactly! Can't you see how arrogant you are thinking your choices are always the best? Blimey.

Maybe I am out of touch

I don't think.you are out of touch. I just think you haven't grasped the fundamental fact that we are all individuals and have our own ideas about how we want to spend our time and what we enjoy.

I just thought they were boring

I can't even imagine what would prompt a mother of a daughter living a decent, enjoyable life to say that. Why arent you pleased for her that she is doing what she likes doing with a partner who is like minded? Gosh I feel sorry for your daughter.

Sorry @CosyDenimShark I didn't mean to quote you. I can't edit the quote out of my post.

Your daughter probably feels less-than because she is not measuring up to behaviour that suited you when you were young.

If I were a mum, I'd be damn grateful for having a daughter like her. They sound normal and mature. Have you ever considered that you were a bit immature at the age of 27?

If my kids grow up and are happy then I am happy. The real question is what’s up with you that’s you’re not happy with their contentment? That’s the emotion to analyse here.