DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

You’re not just out of touch, you’re being downright mean. Bitching to a bunch of strangers about how boring your daughter is? Perhaps there’s plenty about you she doesn’t want to emulate.

You are extremely unreasonable.

As the first poster said, I thought similar.
Furthermore, it's very little of your business.
Let me tell you, I still have a (narcissistic, abusive) elderly mother. Even she has learned to keep her beak out, as time rolled on.

You need to leave your Dd and boyfriend alone. They’re 27 not 17 and how they want to live their lives is up to them.
What you call living and having a great time is not for everyone.
How they are living is healthy and wholesome, so again just leave them alone, nothing to do with you.

I am 68 and managed to have a fabuous life without ever being interested in partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts. It is their life. Leave them alone. They sound absolutely great.

Things have changed.

I am 46. From the ages of 15 to 21 I was off my face pretty much constantly. The things I did make me want to sit and rock in a corner looking back.

My 22 year old son has loved very tame youth in comparison.

If one partner was unfulfilled with their life and would rather be travelling the world and partying then I would agree with you. If they are both happy, who is anyone to judge?!

I can’t believe you think the only way not to waste your youth is partying! How about doing what you actually like and living your own life doing what makes you happy??

“They need to be enjoying their 20s” - they are, just not in the same way as you would have done! Leave them be, not everyone likes partying and the main thing is they’re happy.

I hated clubbing and partying and wish I had lived like them.

So judgemental. I have never once been "off my face", never partied and I've never got drunk. I can't think of anything worse, personally. I am now 60s and have no regrets about this!
We're all different, she's not depressed, not lonely, she's enjoying her life. That's who she is.
Just let her get on with her life.

You think living in your 20s is getting pissed every week. Times have changed. They sound happy leave them alone.

You'd think!

Eddie Daaahling, leave poor Saffy be and let me top up your Bolly. You are wasting your time on MN, they’re not our sort of people

So people can only go travelling in their youth? Sounds like they are living very healthy and fulfilling lives. They may decide to travel in the future, but maybe not to a destination of your choosing. Leave them be - you’re only going to alienate yourself if you keep up with the disapproval.

Does your DD know you think she's 'wasting her life'? Because she seems to be doing exactly what she wants to, the very definition of happiness.

Personally if my mum said something as judgemental and rude as this to me, I'd be going very low contact with immediate effect.

But you enjoy your drinks you big weirdo!!

You can’t re-live your life through them! Leave them be and let them enjoy their life their way! Not everyone wants ‘to get up to all sorts’ or go clubbing.

Well you are going by your definition of living aren't you? It might come as a suprise people can enjoy different tbings! Stop projecting what your idea of living is onto her and let her live how she chooses

Their lives sound fabulous.

I’m in my early 30’s and honestly whilst I did have quite a spectacular 20’s in terms of living the high life and going out (lived in London and works for high end company) really got very little from that other than some great stories and a deep understanding that baking cookies, going on long walks and having a pub lunch, is exactly how I want to spend my weekends. Sounds like your DD has got there early.

Thing is the world is very different now, Op. When we were young the world seemed full of exciting possibilities: there were jobs, home ownership wasn’t a total pipe dream, rents were more affordable and it was relatively easy to find somewhere to rent with mates. None of that is the case any more. You see it on here, people worrying about affording a house deposit, then it’s affording mat leave, then nursery, then the mortgage going up or needing a bigger home, then it’s uni costs, then pensions, and people are always being asked why they didn’t look ahead and prepare and start saving earlier etc. Young people today have grown up hearing all this, coupled with much more awareness of the health impacts of ‘partying’ (ie drinking or drug taking), and knowing that if they leave a job / affordable rental to go traveling they could come back and not be able to find either again, or that if they go traveling it could mean they can’t afford to get on the property ladder for several more years, meaning they can’t do other things like have stability or to think about starting a family. Plus there’s the fact that it’s not an optimistic time in this country, the economy is in a bad way, the environment is in a bad way, climate change, Russia, cost of living crisis.. These are all things that make a lot of people want to hunker down and create a cosy, stable life that feels safe, rather than feeling safe to go off and explore and go wild.

Imagine calling your happy, grounded daughter boring, and wishing she was out clubbing and getting wasted. How utterly sad and ridiculous.

I have no happy memories of drinking and clubbing (and hangovers) whatsoever, and did little of it after age 20.

They would only be wasting their youth and regretting it if they wanted to do all those things and couldn’t or they were forced to forgo them (like a teen pregnAncy). But they have choices, and they live their lives how they want. Not only are they happy, but they seem content. That’s priceless at any age. So many people (particularly young people) , seem to be chasing the next best thing, the next experience, the next thrill and never being enough or feeling that sense of contentment. That’s where regret comes in.

No they are not wasting it. Wasting it would be doing something they didn't like. They are doing things that they like and being themselves.

I think young people are different now. Partying and getting trashed is a million miles from my teens’ life at the moment.

They are happy and productive - I think it is great

You've called her boring. Twice.

I'm so pleased you're not my parent.

Me too 😂