DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

How can I encourage my children to get tattoos and piercings. I feel they are not being adventurous enough in this regard. Also they don't vape.

Didn't you post about a dog before?

I had my ds1 at 27! No regrets at all about stopping partying in my early 20s.

But maybe the DD doesn't have it in her system in the first place?

You wasted your youth, more like!
They are doing what they enjoy. And it’s far more valuable than getting pissed and going to grubby clubs and bars.

Different times - as they say. I felt pressure in my 20s to be out clubbing etc. My kids in their 20s are incredibly sensible and care massively about being good with money, their health, their careers. They are fabulous. I love that one of my kids has got massively into sewing and that is her go to relaxation-not hitting a bar then being knackered tomorrow. As other posters say imagine the opposite having to deal with drink and drug taking being their world. I think @FiddIedeedee you need to look at a) being proud you raised a level headed daughter and b) the world is a very different place to the 80s/90s party culture. I have a niece who does nothing but party - she is mid 30s now - no pension, no savings, massive MH issues but her Mum thinks she is really ‘cool’. Me not much so, but she is funded by incredibly wealthy grandparents who are in equal measure very loving and supportive but also despairing of her non stop need for funds - including rehab.

I remember having a two week holiday to Tenerife when I was 20 and was kind of over going out every night after the first week. Whereas a year earlier on a similar holiday I could have gone on all summer given half a chance! I did lots of partying in my year studying in France and also went travelling that summer. Then in my final year of university I was finally ready to work hard and get a 2.1 instead of a 2.2 that I could have just cruised along and got. So for me there was a sudden change between 21 and 22.

Met DH at 23, bought a house with him aged 26, got married at 28, had DD1 at 29. I still went out dancing (and still do aged 50) and got pissed every now and then, but together before we had kids we liked to travel, eat out, hiking, going to the cinema, theatre and exhibitions- glad we did that before we had DDs as we could still do things after but it was harder and the opportunities were fewer and far between. Now in our 50s we are doing more of that again, but the point is we still like the same things.

You sound just like my mum. It’s been 3 years since I last spoke to her.

They sound very grounded. Seems to me they've figured out stuff it takes most of us decades to realise. Good for them.

I am not convinced that everyone who loves to travel (outside of the country) are better because of this. I see how it helps many people, they broaden their understanding of the world and grow in acceptance for others, but clearly many others do not.

What’s your problem? They are living the dream. I bet you’re a right one!

I wasted my 20s

When you see me in the club in my 40s, please no-one judge me 🥰

Yanbu!

SHE'S HAPPY! Honestly, people can do things at different ages - they may get to 40 or 50 and decide to go travelling, find a new found love of raving, whatever. Equally they may not. I have a friend who is a very similar age to your DD (I'm in my 50s), and she and her friends are so wholesome compared to me and mine at a similar age. They drink, but rarely get drunk, they go to garden centres, they go camping and on UK mini-breaks, are into interior design, and brunches and cooking, pets and now babies. She went on a hen do recently and said it was all the women in their 40s and 50s that were getting pissed and being embarrassing. I think a lot of their generation is just different to ours.

I feel they are much more set up for a happier and content life than I was at that age, in tons of debt, fancy holidays and restaurants, out boozing and partying, more boyfriends than hot dinners. It's all very exciting at the time, but with hindsight I do wish I'd been a bit more sensible, I made some very bad decisions!

I bet you feel like you're really missing out on worrying about them falling off a balcony, disabling themselves tombstoning or crashing a moped as well don't you?

I'm really jealous of all those mothers who get to visit their offspring in prison after they've been caught dealing drugs.

They sound great!

I’m 32 but this sounds like me and my husband since we were about 23!

If you went on lots of holidays when she was younger she probably feels like she’s seen enough places! that’s how I feel - my parents took me abroad everywhere and now I feel like I’ve done all I fancy, I honestly wouldn’t care if I never got on another flight again. We love our holidays in the UK, so much nicer than expensive European mini breaks where you traipse around from restaurant to restaurant.

They DO have a life and it sounds lovely.

They've already worked out how dissatisfying and and unsuitable for themselves it is to be going out all the time, partying and doing good knows what else you were doing at their age and think they should be doing now.

They are not you and not everyone is the same, thought you would have worked that out by now.

Each to their own even of it is gaming in their spare time. Let them be.

27 is hardly young. By 27 I'd moved in with my boyfriend and we rarely went clubbing. And I'm 44 - I partied HARD in my youth (15-23ish).

Life is very different nowadays. We used to be able to go out with £10 and get hammered, dance all night, and get a taxi home at 2am. Nowadays that would cost you a fortune. People are more aware of their health, both mental and physical. The young people I work with don't drink loads - they tend to go out for nice dinners instead, have gym memberships, go for weekends away with friends in the UK. They date using apps and go for coffee, they don't meet in grotty clubs. It's a different world.

I didn't do much clubbing and partying in my twenties either; I was too busy having kids and bringing them up. I don't feel like I missed out at all, nor do I regret having them young.

Awful post. I'd be absolutely delighted if my 8 and 11 year old daughters grew up to be just like this. She sounds sensible, grounded and not at all 'boring'.

I'll be happy as long as my children are, no matter what they're doing, but do hope this is more their style.

Is this a joke post? Your daughter and her boyfriend are doing thoughtful, fulfilling things with their time that involve appreciating nature and making things with their hands.

It sounds like you look down on people who don’t have there same interests as you, and have difficulty relating to your daughter because her interests aren’t your interests. Unless there are serious signs that she’s restless and unhappy, try to be pleased for her that she’s got a stable, happy relationship.

Maybe engage with what she finds fulfilling about her life rather than pigeonholing her as having the life of an old person as if there’s something wrong with not wanting to go clubbing, drinking and travelling all over the world. It’s ok for her to feel content with what she has, and at 27 most people don’t have the spare cash to go travelling - ironically, that’s mostly an old age thing these days!

Me too!!
They sound a great couple - count yourself lucky they’re not falling out of nightclubs in a drugged/drunken stupor and then getting in a car to drive to your spare room.

OMG I was just thinking that!!
OP you sound incredibly annoying and childish tbh. They sound like they live an amazing life that suits their personality.

I really wished I realised who I really was in my 20s. I used to go out drink etc because that's what 'you're supposed to do'.
Thankfully younger people nowadays seemed to be more switched on than we were. They have the Internet that gives them access to all sorts of ideas for hobbies and lifestyles.
They are no longer just influenced by drunk aunt Barbara pissed as a fart down the local 🙈

We are not all the same, everyone likes different things... fortunately. They sound like a really happy contented couple. My DS and his GF also love country walks, pub lunches, a good Netflix series...but they do spend a huge amount of time traveling around the world for their jobs. The younger generation today don't value clubbing and getting shit faced like we might have done in our youth. I'm sure SM has played a role in this.