DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

I agree with your DH op although I can see why you feel like this.
Im so glad I enjoyed my 20’s. Nights out, girls holidays but I bought my first house at 21 with a 5% deposit, my monthly payments, even on a rate that would make most folks eyes water today, was easily manageable so I had disposable income.
Youngsters nowadays don’t have that luxury and I think that’s why their priorities have shifted.
Sensibly they want to work hard, save, and seem to enjoy far simpler pleasures. I don’t think your DD is any different to most her age

Sorry but I’m in stitches the way you’re describing them and their interests. This is the opposite of the problem some parents have, they are usually telling the young person to party less 😂

Seriously though - you must understand everyone is different!

It’s like some people said to me I’d regret not sleeping around in my 20s. I didn’t and I have zero regrets on that and very happy of the path and lifestyle I chose which barely involved men aside from platonic male friends.

Also didn’t do drugs or get drunk although I did travel as much as I could afford and went clubbing heavily in my student days and occasionally until around 30. Again no regrets on that.

They sound fabulous!

I think most of us these days are having a blast. We just choose to spend on experiences rather than a lifetime of issues due to alcohol.

Late to this thread, but you are massively unreasonable. Just as you don't regret not going on a walking holiday to the Peak District with your dogs in your 20's, she won't regret not getting rat arsed and falling out of clubs.

You are not the blueprint for how you should live your life. Many people don't enjoy clubbing or having a "crazy time". That's perfectly valid and is no less enjoyable than any other personal preference.

Your daughter is not you. She's her own individual with her own interests. Her life sounds perfectly enjoyable. Time you enjoy is never wasted.

Maybe she would describe partying and clubbing as wasting your time, simply because it's neither fun nor productive. And at 27, she's long past the age when most have grown out of it.

You should be glad you have a content, happy daughter with a stable life and compatible partner. I repeat, she is not you, and she doesn't have to relive your life.

I dont think you are unreasonable for wanting your DD to see and experience more of the world before serious commitment, children, etc. I want that for mine but they, younger than yours, but have this narrow home world bubble. I was out night clubbing, travelling (not big), working overseas. I also hope they dont regret it. I think sadly BREXIT took away a lot of opportunities for our young under 30s. I do find as well that mine has very narrow interests and does a lot less than I did at that age. Its not education, because I didn't do these things through extracurricular at school.

Why is that funny? You want them to be living their lives, to them that's what they're doing.

I think partying and travelling is something you do before 25 then you settle into the things you enjoy.

You should be happy for them unless you would prefer no relationship at all? That's the way you're heading

I’ve just looked up boring in the dictionary - it means not interesting/tedious. The op and a few others have described walking with a dog boring and clubbing not boring. Wouldn’t it be an individual personal decision? For example, I would personally find clubbing not interesting and tedious, but I find dog walking an absolute pleasure. I am perfectly happy to accept others feel the exact opposite. But I don’t think those people are boring. I just think they have different interests to me.

You're just being judgemental. It sounds like you're jealous you don't have jetsetting stories to share with your friends. Some people are happy and fulfilled without the need to waste money on a two week trip that is overrun with tourists who only want the notch in their belt for visiting whatever popular destination and getting the must see tourist snaps.

Personally I'm similar to your daughter. I despise crowds. I love spending weekends snorkelling, bush walking, climbing mountains, kayaking, jet skiing, camping, critter hunting in rock pools, horse riding etc So more solitary, isolated, outdoor activities. I've been like this my entire life. My life is fulfilling and interesting.

That’s actually a fair point. I’ve said upthread everyone is different and you should respect it but sometimes it is hard to know if it’s just someone’s personality or if they’re hiding from the world.

In my mid 30s I’d have told everyone my personality was making me rarely venture out but now I think it was actually low level anxiety which the pandemic exacerbated.

re. Your perception of their lack of cultural awareness/exposure - do they ever say do a weekend in Leeds, Manchester or London and check out museums, galleries, street market and theatre or history walks ? Of course they don’t have to if it’s not their thing but might be something to suggest. It’s not raving or partying I know and you may class it as boring too but you can learn so much about the world from doing these things even if they don’t want to actually get on a plane

They are enjoying their lives and they will remember their experiences. Sounds like they are having a lovely wholesome time. Much better than a hangover!

Ah, the superficial Ab Fab mum who thinks chaos, forrein culture, sex, drugs and rock n roll is the only exciting life. And your friends' opinions seem to cut into you too. The quiet life of healthy walks, pets, craft is so boring compared to getting drunk in Paris or food poisoning in Bali.

Hi OP. Please excuse the harsh replies. I understand your worries but wanted to share my 2pence. I’m 30, DH is 31, we’ve been together nearly 7 years and we very much live the old married couple lifestyle you describe. We have done for the past 5 years at least! Our weekends are full of dog walks, coffee shops, garden centres and gardening. We enjoy a glass of wine at home on a Friday evening and will maybe play scrabble too! We do enjoy an AI holiday once a year where we sunbathe, play cards and read on our loungers for a week! We aren’t interested in exploring other cultures. My DB is the opposite. He has travelled the world, seen some amazing places and had incredible experiences. I’m happy for him but not at all envious. DH and I would rather a self-catering cottage in the UK that we could take our dog too. We are both very happy and content. It just doesn’t interest us at all! We definitely don’t feel like we’re missing out or should be clubbing. I can see why you’d be worried but truly, if they’re anything like us they’re living their best lives!

They're not you, though. Sounds like they're happy, leave them to it!
I spent my early 20s getting pissed, now my early 20 something DS never touches alcohol, just got no interest in it. He has plenty of hobbies though, can't imagine telling him he should be "out enjoying it!" getting pissed each to their own, I say.

They sound a lovely couple, and very happy. How lucky to be young and met someone pefect for you.
You can't live vicariously through them, op. And things ain't wot they used to be in clubs and pubs.
Personally I think it all went to pot when people dressed down to go out.

They don't have to travel to see the world anyway. There is the telly, Google earth, books, museums.

I can't imagine calling my own child boring, even if their idea of a good time doesn't match my idea of a good time.
That line, along with a laughing face, really stung. I hope she never finds out her own mother wrote this!
And so what if they dont travel abroad? There are plenty of beautiful places in the UK to explore and to keep UK tourism industry going. Maybe they find flying so environmentally damaging they'd prefer not to fly all over the world

I can't imagine calling my own child boring, even if their idea of a good time doesn't match my idea of a good time.
That line, along with a laughing face, really stung. I hope she never finds out her own mother wrote this!
And so what if they dont travel abroad? There are plenty of beautiful places in the UK to explore and to keep UK tourism industry going. Maybe they find flying so environmentally damaging they'd prefer not to fly all over the world

Much more of a waste to spend time doing stuff you don't enjoy. I went to quite a few clubs in my youth because of peer pressure. I hated 99% of it. Clubbing isn't for me.

Your way isn't the only way to enjoy one's youth.

Why? Very few people want to go out clubbing every weekend in their late 20s. Most people have grown out of it by that point.

I agree entirely. The OP calling her own daughter “boring” and saying that at least she’s found someone as boring as her is just awful.

Sneering at U.K. holidays and calling her “Barbara from the Good Life”.

Christ.

Not everyone enjoys the same things. And if in the future she changes her mind then she can start going on overseas holidays then!!

I think @miraxxx nailed it when she said the OP is like Jennifer Saunders in Ab Fab. That’s exactly how she’s coming across. Exactly.

I'm glad my DD is much tamer than me and enjoys cooking, being at home more and catching up at cafes with friends etc. The younger generation definitely aren't as wild as we were (I'm gen X)

They just sound like introverts where you’re an extrovert? Not everyone likes travel and certainly not clubbing - it’s a horrendous prospect for loads of people. There’s no cut off for seeing the world either - maybe they’ll get the travel bug in ten years time and explore Europe with a toddler on their back or in school holidays. There’s time for them to evolve and do new things all their lives. Maybe at your age they’ll be hosting The Repair Shop thinking wow mum was so boring at my age, she really burnt out young 😆

Jesus wept- patrying and shagging is not the highlight of life for some people...
When you said they were wasting their lives I thought it's what you were doign when you were younger, but it's the opposite. Your daughter sounds so much more interesting and less shallow, good for her!

I would much rather have sensible young people than reckless ones who waste their money on drugs the wrong relationships the wrong crowd etc. Count yourself lucky op!

Well if that's the case me and my other half must be very miserable as we do pretty much the same and thoroughly enjoy ourselves and each others company. I wouldn't want to go clubbing etc sounds utterly horrendous. You love your life but don't put what you think into grown adults