Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

986 replies

FiddIedeedee · 22/09/2025 15:24

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

OP posts:
IWasScaredToBeHeld · 22/09/2025 21:04

Mewling · 22/09/2025 20:54

Imagine believing you’ve lived a broad and expansive life outside of the cookie cutter Middle England experience, and then being so small-minded that you’d judge your own child for not living in the manner you think is appropriate. PPs are right, you sound like a mean girl.

I bet OP’s experience of the world is travelling to all the same destinations that every other middle class Brit visits on their gap yah

Praying4Peace · 22/09/2025 21:04

FiddIedeedee · 22/09/2025 15:30

I don’t want them taking drugs and getting into trouble obviously!

This is the time they could be travelling the world and having fun but they have booked a walking holiday in the Peak District 😂

Which sounds lovely.
You need to change your mindset op

Richteabiscuit14 · 22/09/2025 21:06

I don’t get it, 27 isn’t that young, it’s well past the clubbing/partying every weekend phase for most people, it’s the time people tend to start settling down.
I’m nearly 10 years older than your daughter and at her age I’d just bought my first home, a year after that I was engaged. We did go on holidays abroad but not as many as we’d have liked as we were putting all our money into the house and saving for the wedding. Our peers were all similar.
We enjoyed (and still do) similar activities to your daughter and her BF, I don’t see how that makes us like “old” people, we were part of a walking group specifically for young people and had some great times hiking all over the counter, they’re still my friends now and our kids play together.
Your DD’s life sounds lovely, just let her enjoy it, not everyone wants to party and travel.

Tunice · 22/09/2025 21:06

This is normal nowadays. Most night clubs have shut compared to 20 years ago. Clubbing is outdated.

Frugalgal · 22/09/2025 21:07

FiddIedeedee · 22/09/2025 15:24

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

How are they wasting their lives if they're doing what makes them happy? It sounds idyllic.

I'd swap their life for the one I had at their age in a heartbeat.

DawnDayDusk · 22/09/2025 21:08

Are you honestly talking about your daughter or are you just having a bitch about someone else? I just can't imagine talking this way about my own daughter.
How is what she is doing not 'real'
She is lucky to be able to live that way, it's as real as anything else, nature and countryside is a lot more real to me than shopping centres and pubs and clubs.

Waitingfordoggo · 22/09/2025 21:08

They sound content. Most parents when asked what they want for their children say they ‘just want them to be happy’ so yes, YABU.

I had a hedonistic time in my teens and twenties. I look back on it quite fondly but I also know that I wasted a lot of time and money and also got myself into some ridiculous and sometimes dangerous situations. My 19 and 17 year-olds lead a more innocent existence than I did at their age and I’m quite relieved tbh.

Richteabiscuit14 · 22/09/2025 21:09

Hiking all over the country, not the counter!

ThePeachHiker · 22/09/2025 21:09

op they may not be telling you the truth. I know a couple who appear to be like this from the outside but are fairly prolific doggers. Be careful what you wish for.

Movingonup313 · 22/09/2025 21:09

Op, you are hilarious and made me giggle with your wee laughing emoji re their walking holiday in the peak district. I was wild from 13-33. 20 years of chaos. Still managed a couple of degrees, post grad, professional qualifications and a gap year back packing. The chaos and partying was fine. When I think of what I spent though.... spent more in 2 weeks socialising then than what I do in a year now. 🙈. Wish id crafted and gone for walks and pub lunches.

Are you just missing out on the opportunity to go for liquid lunches with her and join in the chaos/chat about it. Time to re-live your younger years ;-)

Notthatgameagain · 22/09/2025 21:16

Omg, this is so bad. Everyone is different and has different lives. I can't think of anything worse than going out clubbing ! Even when I was in my 20s. Good on them for not adhering to social pressure and living the life they want. Which tbh ... Sounds perfectly lovely.

Notthatgameagain · 22/09/2025 21:17

FiddIedeedee · 22/09/2025 15:30

I don’t want them taking drugs and getting into trouble obviously!

This is the time they could be travelling the world and having fun but they have booked a walking holiday in the Peak District 😂

Your awful, laughing at their choice of holiday.

MissRaspberry · 22/09/2025 21:18

Reading the title I was half expecting you to say they're sat on benefits smoking weed all day. They're 27 not 17 it's nice they're doing something they enjoy. You may find it boring but obviously they don't. Clubbing is an expensive waste of money these days. Maybe they can't afford holidays abroad and a camping holiday is nice too for a fraction of the cost of jetting off somewhere out of the country

damsondamsel · 22/09/2025 21:19

I'm younger than your daughter. The most boring people I know are the ones who over-identify with having a party lifestyle and think that it's a substitute for having a personality.

Being a wild reveller is great if it brings you joy and is balanced with other things, but it does not make you more interesting. Anyone can go out and get pissed and take a gap year.

It sounds like your daughter lives a gentle, mindful and meditative life that is meaningful to her. None of the activities you mentioned (reading, crafting, hiking) are for 'old people'; they are really quite normal among all age groups.

Are you insecure about getting older and projecting that on to her?

BunnyLake · 22/09/2025 21:21

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 22/09/2025 21:01

I think times are different now. Also, they’re 27, not 18 many people have had enough of the party life by then and are starting to settle down.

dd1 is 20 and at uni. She’s not a party animal but does go on her fair share of nights out and has been on holiday with friends this year. That said. When she’s at home she barely goes out, likes to hang out with me and go on country walks and out for lunch. When her boyfriend came to stay over the summer they took the dog on walks and to the beach, they didn’t go out clubbing. The only time they had a drink was at our family bbq.

you don’t have to be out getting wrecked to enjoy life. You can also go back and do more at a later date if you want to. I went to boom town this year without my DC!!

Edited

When my son and his gf stayed at mine during their uni break they cooked, played video games and watched tv. Neither was at all inclined to ‘live it up’ and didn’t have any alcohol. They party at uni but that’s the culture. Outside of that they’re homebodies - at 19 and 20!

ChicJoker · 22/09/2025 21:25

theresapossuminthekitchen · 22/09/2025 17:59

The thing is - you and the OP find this depressing, whereas the more enlightened among us recognise that the fact that you have enjoyed your youth (and life now) is fantastic and it is also fantastic that the OPs daughter is enjoying hers the way she wants to, not following the social rules that you’ve made up. We recognise that people are different and enjoy different things and would regret different things and we want people to be happy in whatever way that suits them. It turns out the OPs youth, seeing the world and not staying home hasn’t in fact made her a better, more understanding, worldly-wise person after all… how sad for the OPs daughter and, in the end, for the OP who seems to be the main one ‘suffering’ here.

Show quote history

Frankly, there’s a level of partying that CAN only be achieved in youth, generally speaking.

so it is a waste

AbbeyGrange · 22/09/2025 21:27

FiddIedeedee · 22/09/2025 15:28

I just don’t want them to look back and regret not living a little thats all.

But they are? Not everything great in life revolves around getting pissed....

Milosc · 22/09/2025 21:34

Everyone is different and likes to spend their time their own way. They seem happy. I would be overjoyed if I were you that your DD has found someone she is so comfortable with. Not everyone wants to party all the time and I say that as someone who partied very hard in my teens and 20s. My DD(20) is a homebody too and I am happy if she is happy. I am not begging her to go out and get drunk and make bad choices. She gets to have her own life, not a clone of mine.

Mewling · 22/09/2025 21:34

IWasScaredToBeHeld · 22/09/2025 21:04

I bet OP’s experience of the world is travelling to all the same destinations that every other middle class Brit visits on their gap yah

Show quote history

Surely not, surely OP was doing Ayahuasca with Amazonian tribespeople and touching the face of God during reading week.

MustardGlass · 22/09/2025 21:34

Stop projecting. Deal with whatever issues you have going on.

Gaminggeek · 22/09/2025 21:36

OMG you are awful 😣 They are literally just enjoying their lives, their own way and you are essentially bullying them BOTH for that.
Not everyone wants to be out partying, drinking or whatever else. Why can’t you let them enjoy their own hobbies and lives?
They could be into gaming, crafting, exercise, cozy living, clubbing, whatever they like if it makes them happy, that doesn’t mean they are wasting their lives.

Fetaface · 22/09/2025 21:39

They are living. They are living the life they enjoy and in a way they want to.

Your way of living doesn't appeal to them. Everyone is different.

They are not wasting their lives living it how they want to. They are living it just the way they want to and enjoying every minute.

Endlesswandering · 22/09/2025 21:42

Honestly feel like my mum could have written this (bar the ages) 😂 Jesus. They sound like they’re having a great time. Long dog walks and some little hobbies like crochet and DIY are my sort of thing. If they’re happy, leave them alone. Would you rather they be taking drugs and stumbling home at 5am on a Thursday morning? That’s my idea of a wasted life if I’m honest

Commecicommeca26 · 22/09/2025 21:44

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 22/09/2025 18:15

I know, it's a lot different to our time but at the end of the day, they sound pretty happy, healthy and on track with their lives and not causing themselves or anyone else harm. Maybe you're the one who should be out partying! 😉 well done Mama, you sound like you've done a great job! 👏

I don’t think she can take the credit here given she’s trashing her daughter’s lifestyle on the internet

Alwaytired44 · 22/09/2025 21:52

FiddIedeedee · 22/09/2025 15:28

I just don’t want them to look back and regret not living a little thats all.

It sounds like they are living exactly how they want to! You remind me of my mum, I commented to my mum that on my recent holiday I didn’t have one alcoholic drink the whole time as we were having long days exploring and early starts, my mum commented that would be a boring holiday. It was so far from boring, it couldn’t have been less boring if it tried!! Fun times are not always tied up with alcohol and debauchery.