DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

Yes, I think that's a good point. Young people getting pressured into drinking heavily, or drugs, or lying on the beach in Tenerife or whatever. If it's not for you, that's fine. It sometimes does take a lot of confidence just to be yourself.

Partying isn't the same now as it was back in the day - it's too expensive for a start. Imo they would be wasting their time more doing that than they are doing things they actually enjoy. They sound stable and content. Doing things just for the 'experience' rather than the enjoyment is daft.

I'm in my mid 50s and have never gone clubbing or to a pop concert they've never been my idea of fun (I've always been a reading in my pjs type of person ) and guess what I don't feel like I've missed out on anything that was important to me. Stop trying to relive your wild youth through your daughter, let her find her own way of enjoying her life and be thankful that she seems to have found her soul mate.

Your DD and her partner is living the life they want. They don't want to live your life. A happy life is not a wasted life.

Why do you think that going out drinking is living? That’s not living it’s dying! You are the complete fool here. It’s so frustrating to hear such ann ignorant attitude annd I do like to try and be balanced. Alcohol is a highly toxic dangerous substance annd very damaging to brain and liver. Our culture hooks us in from a young age and many young people get into heavy damaging drinking but thankfully this is starting to change a bit. It’s the cause of many arguments, relationship problems and break ups. You should be proud your daughter is calm and has some lovely peaceful hobbies that don’t involve getting shit faced clubbing and being around drugs which many clubs and festivals are.

I remember doing it myself and wish now I’d didn’t use the time more wisely. It was one reason I didn’t get the top mark in my degree because I was out off my face staying out so late. I luckily made up for it later but I often wonder how my career might have been different had I chosen not to take such a wild path. I think I would have achieved more.

Your daughter is also 27! That’s not that young either in terms of early twenties. I’d expect her to have been well out of clubbing age by 27! - I certainly was and was living with a guy and going on country walks etc. I certainly wasn’t getting shitfaced in a club. I think there is something quite wrong with you to be honest. Give your head a wobble and leave your poor daughter alone to enjoy being an effective adult.

I’m so glad you’re not my mum, even your replies are not nice.

I finished clubbing well before 27. And I was pretty wild by most people’s standards. YAB very U

You’re explaining yourself perfectly, it’s just that most people don’t agree with you.

If you want to retain any sort of relationship with your DD, let her live her life her way, not your way. You sound as though you’re mocking them which isn’t very kind.

Have only read the first few pages of comments but think people are treating OP too harshly. Clubbing was just an example and I see what she means. 20s can be an amazing, exciting time (jobs, travel, living with friends, festivals etc, not necessarily booze related) and it’s normal to question if it doesn’t seem to be that way for her DC. However it can also be a fraught, anxious time for some so perhaps a more mellow journey isn’t the worst thing!

I am early 30s and often think the same about my brother early 20s. Seems ‘old before his time’ but he would joke this himself. I think if they are truly happy in this moment there is no danger of them having regrets. Plenty of time for a different life experience if and when they want it.

Maybe their favourite dogging spot is in the Peak District?

I jest, but you don't know everything about their lives, you can't.

Young people today don't drink, don't party, they just seem to drink bubble tea. I can't understand it. Their vices must be well-hidden.

She sounds happy though. Fair play to her, she deserves to be left in peace to enjoy her life as she sees fit.

Wtf is wrong with you? Your daughter is happy and settled and very sensible sounding. You on the other hand sound insufferable. They know what they enjoy. Just butt out and get on with your own life

Did your parents approve of the way you spent your 20s?

@FiddIedeedee *

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

I would say that partying and "clubbing" is a waste of youth.

"Clubbing" is something that kids do in their early 20s only because they see other kids doing it. Once they quickly realise that there's nothing particularly enjoyable about spending far too much money on overpriced drinks (when alcohol from a supermarket is much cheaper), then they grow out of "clubbing."

A 27 year old is obviously far too old for "clubbing," with the exception of it being an occasional one-off.

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

Most people would consider those to be respectable and interesting hobbies. I wish I could find the time to read like your DD does.

But do you really think your words will inspire them into doing what you want them to do? Or are you just irritating them? Fair enough if they were actually doing something harmful you might want to say something but otherwise you might cause a rift by giving your views that don’t appear to be wanted

Imagine believing you’ve lived a broad and expansive life outside of the cookie cutter Middle England experience, and then being so small-minded that you’d judge your own child for not living in the manner you think is appropriate. PPs are right, you sound like a mean girl.

Would you rather they were injecting heroin into their eyeballs? What they do with their spare time sounds lovely!

But they are living! They’re living a life that suits them and they’re happy. Being happy is the main thing I want for my kids. You need to take a massive step back OP, it really isn’t anything to do with you.

Eek is that a thing?!

@FiddIedeedee
My first husband was like this. I met him when he was 20, I was 18. He'd never been further abroad than Jersey, I'd travelled the world with my parents from a very young age (I'm not British).

There's a line in the film 'Kind Hearts and Coronets': " I must admit he exhibits the most extraordinary capacity for middle age that I've ever encountered in a young man of twenty-four"...he was 24 when we married, and the only young man of that age I've ever met who had his own allotment! If we'd stayed together it would have been our 36th wedding anniversary tomorrow.

He was (probably still is) 'boring'...but that was, and still is, only my opinion. He was happy with his gardening, allotment, living locally, never leaving the UK. He was steady, reliable...everything that my parents weren't when I was growing up. That's why I was attracted to him in the first place...but our marriage only lasted 2 and a half years, mainly because once I was away from my parents I 'grew up' and didn't want to live like I was in my 40s, 20 years ahead of time.

I changed, he didn't. Your daughter and her boyfriend may stay the same. I'd keep your opinion of their life to yourself, and just support them, no matter how their futures work out.

You’re wasting your old age. You’ve got nothing to lose at this point. Start taking drugs.

I feel sad for how much you’re judging your daughter. I know parents can struggle if their children take a different path, but it’s not a slight against you and her life is no less worthwhile.
How awful to call your own daughter boring.

They sound a lovely couple. I wouldn’t be worried as they have interests, interact with others and get out of the house regularly. They may just not be party people; my DD24 is similar and honestly I think your DD would be her ideal friend! I’d only start panicking if they were unemployed, had no ambitions, social struggles or were abusing substances/living chaotically…but they’re quite the opposite

Dunno. I think they are living the dream. Many people would have loved to have lived like this in their 20s, but hadn’t found their person or felt socially obliged to “party”

I think times are different now. Also, they’re 27, not 18 many people have had enough of the party life by then and are starting to settle down.

dd1 is 20 and at uni. She’s not a party animal but does go on her fair share of nights out and has been on holiday with friends this year. That said. When she’s at home she barely goes out, likes to hang out with me and go on country walks and out for lunch. When her boyfriend came to stay over the summer they took the dog on walks and to the beach, they didn’t go out clubbing. The only time they had a drink was at our family bbq.

you don’t have to be out getting wrecked to enjoy life. You can also go back and do more at a later date if you want to. I went to boom town this year without my DC!!

Funny!!!! Most people would think they’re being productive time with their lives… but yes, they do sound a bit dull!
happy though? If happy then, we’ll all good

They are living a wonderful life by the sounds of it. Lots of young people enjoy countryside, good food, good company. Be proud. Sounds like you are viewing it from what you feel is a good time. Many young people don't really drink these days & enjoy healthy activities. Better than pouring money into alcohol on nights out & eating takeaways. If they are happy then it's not a waste. If they are utterly miserable be concerned but it sounds good to me. We want the best for our children but maybe it's accepting their idea of fun is different to yours. If it's a healthy loving relationship and enjoying time together doing quite soulful activities, you've done a good job. Enjoy it. Get your boots on and enjoy a lovely walk with them. :)