DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

I never really went clubbing or had wild parties on a regular basis. I can count on one hand the times I went clubbing and subsequently hated it.
I had my first dog in my early 20s while still at university & have had a dog ever since! I had plenty of friends and a good social life going cinema, hanging out in each other's bedsits listing to music, talking shite ect. Maybe others thought I was boring, but I look back fondly!
I'm in my early 50s, so very much a 90's child and don't think I missed out on anything!
How one spends their free time is very personal it's not compulsory to do what is assumed to be the social norm.

OP, to me your DD has a lovely, fulfilled life, if she's happy, why want to change it?

I experienced all the energy and excitement you're craving in my twenties. Travel, clubbing, shit hot career in vibrant cities blah blah. I wish I'd lived more like your daughter instead.

They're living how they want to live though, as long as they are happy I'd say. I'd love to be that level of happiness instead of how I feel currently

But the majority of people who travel, frankly don't experience much outside of what 'little Englanders' do abroad. They stay with other white, middle class people, doing the same things other white, middle class people do, even if they are backpacking through their gap year.

It's harder and harder to travel now without ending up with hordes of other people from your own country, eating food you can get at home.

Clubbing? That's for 19-year-olds isn't it?

Mind your own business.

this

I agree ☝🏼

Please say this is a joke!
OP- be careful what you wish for. Honestly!

I find people who yak on about travel and partying boring tbh.

There's nothing wrong with enjoy contentment and relaxation. The world is a shitty place, a lot of people don't like what you call "excitement". There's nothing boring about appreciating the beauty on your doorstep and not fucking up the planet by flying all over the world.

Your DP is correct! Quite frankly going out clubbing is the absolute last thing I wanted to do in my 20’s or 30’s! If I ever had to do it because it was a Hen Do or something I was relieved when it was over! My DH is the same.

We’d rather go for a nice meal and a few beers, go see a show or a band a few
times a year. I also crochet.

I have no desire to queue for 20 minutes to get a drink or go to the loo, be squashed in a room full of people who will probably spill drinks on me, bump into me and not be able to hear myself or anyone else speak whilst have my ears assaulted by what passes as popular music and on top of that, pay an extortionate sum of money to do all of those things!

I honestly don’t see how doing things you enjoy with your other half is ‘wasting your life’. Doing things you really don’t enjoy because
someone else enjoyed them and therefore thinks you should would be wasting your time.

Let them do what they enjoy or you may find they decide they don’t want to speak to you that often as when they do, they get pestered to do stuff they don’t want to do all the time.

Are you ashamed of her @FiddIedeedee? Why the mention of Little England and the shire and the fact you “got out”? Why the conversations with your friends comparing your children? Why would you put your daughter up to that?

A lot of judgemental toxicity centres on people needing others to validate their choices by doing the exact same thing as them. But this kind of attitude only exists where that person is not actually happy with the choices they have made - or at least they don’t have the courage of their own convictions. It seems your daughter is happy and so perhaps it is you that is not happy. You’re not trying to protect her from anything or help her in any way, you’re just disappointed with her and her, what, “little” life.

OP, you're getting vitriol because you're presenting your dd as a joke (all the laughing emoji, calling her boring etc). You need to understand that this is NOT a generational thing - every generation has people who have a passion for world travel/nightlife/partying and people who don't. The people who don't get constantly told that they are sad, square etc - its so unpleasant and you should not be doing this to your dd.

You are worried she will regret it later. Well then, she can do it later. Get off her case and be proud of the fine young woman she is.

Maybe they should spend their time moaning about their family on MN instead?

Love this for them! A healthy, mature, fulfilling, productive life & relationship! I fear you are now thinking you may have wasted your youth partying so much? Times have changed. If she’s happy it’s literally none of your business!

Very unreasonable. Their choice. It could be said you wasted your youth. Your choice.
Leave them alone.

That made me laugh! Dm is in her 80s and has just come back from a 5000 mile road trip in USA (df also in his 80s drove) and they have just booked to go to India next month. They are planning a cruise to Vietnam and Cambodia in January. Last year they went to Alaska and Japan as well as France and Lanzarote (would have done more but db was very ill and died).

Where did you take her @FiddIedeedee?

What many counties did you take her to growing up?

I would be so hurt if my mum had openly disparaged my happiness because it didn't match her personal agenda. You should be relieved that your DD has the confidence and is comfortable enough in her own skin to live her life exactly as she pleases when so many women her age – as these boards prove on a daily basis – are in horrible situations with shitty men. If I were your DD, I would be taking a step back and declining to tell you anything about the life that you have decided is so boring.

I mean, your 20’s don’t seem to have made you a more ‘worldly’ person so I don’t really see your logic.

My daughter and her husband (a secondary teacher and an NHS manager) work bloody hard. They did the nightclub stuff as students, but now they have their little hobbies and their dog. Daughter likes to crochet, son in law likes collecting things and gaming. It’s their life! They’ve only just started going abroad ( since they married a year ago)
I wish I’d done half the lovely things ( Ben Nevis, Peak District, Tough Mudder ) they’ve done in their 28 years on earth!! Leave them be; they sound contented.

Also dd1 is away at the moment touring Italy with her dh and her dd. Gd is not even 18 months old and has already been to about 10 countries including Singapore and USA. Perhaps they should save some money but you only live once!

Their life sounds idyllic. It’s never a waste of time if you’re doing something you enjoy.

You don't need to worry about her, she's a grown woman living her life to the fullest.

Does your daughter know that you think she’s boring? I’d have been so upset if my mum had said that about me. Rather than trying to push her into living the life you’d want if you were her age now, accept that she’s happy, healthy and living the life she wants.

When I was in my 20s I definitely enjoyed the party lifestyle. Today’s 20 somethings generally seem to be a little more health conscious and at times I do think “Boy you’re missing out” but I am totally aware that’s just me wanting to be young again so I can do it all again my way. I’d never judge anyone for their wholesome lifestyle choices