DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

Sounds like a sensible girl. I had young dc then and liked the things your dd does

But they are living life to the full! They are enjoying! They are having fun!

I’m a year older than them and lost the interest of clubbing and drinking alcohol at 21. I was a cabin crew until 23 so did my fair share of travelling and got it out of my system young so may be a bit biased.

However I have two friends my age who still lead the party lifestyle and both have expressed their worries than they’ve left the settling down faze too late. They are still single but want children.

On the other hand I was divorced at 24 and have 2 dc so I do often wish I could have a night out! However most evenings I enjoy relaxing and crocheting like your ds gf.

Well what do they do for jobs and how much spare money do they have?

Most of the young employees where I work in their 20s are taken on holiday by their parents often as couples, weekends away exploring European cities, trips to different states in America. They wouldn't have the cash to do as much.
Can you take them away for a weekend? Mix of family meals and separate time?

Makes perfect sense to save for Japan. You may regret your comments if they go and emigrate (a friend of mine did that with NZ). Why would you not just appreciate that they are here?

She might not have given her opportunity to experience the world ? She is dissapointed her dd isnt raving in Thailand or whatever.

My DD is like this. She’s a 19 year old student into country music and crochet. She and her sensible accountancy student boyfriend do a sport together and on a Friday night they might go out for a drink (literally a drink - one each). In my day we’d drunk a few bottles of wine or a few vodkas before we’d left the house. Our motto was ‘eating is cheating’! I often describe the two of us as Edwina and Saffy. Still, she’s happy, she’s safe, she’s in love with a boy with prospects (unlike some of the horrors I dragged back to my lair). I can’t complain.

Jeeez you're a shite human, what did your amazing daughter do to be stuck with you?!

I've got a 3 year old toddler, and would be so happy if my daughter turned out like yours.

You're lucky and blessed, be more grateful!

Yabvvu. I think they sound lovely and cute as hell! You should be proud they aren’t sheep trying to have the fun they think other people have. Seriously, drinking, sleeping around, dabbling in drugs, wasting money in pretentious pubs and clubs, it’s all horribly overrated and no one enjoys it in any real way, they just think they should.

You have a lovely attitude 😊

But why?

I’d much rather be in a nice hotel somewhere seeing the sights I want to see, than slumming it in a hostel to see what my mum wants me to see.

My DD is also 27, she and her partner (younger than her) brought a house that needed a lot of work and they are doing most of it themselves. So their weekends involve DIY and they have a hobby that is not really what you you would expect of young people. But they are happy and I'm happy that they're happy. Travelling the world is not for everyone.

You need to watch out you are so unreasonable. Not everyone is the same, and if you carry on having the conversation about them waiting their 20s with them, then they wont bother with you at all

They are happy doing what suits them, stop interfering

I'm 27 with three young children and they sound exactly like all my friends who haven't had kids yet! Hope we aren't all wasting our lives 🤣

I have two kids in their twenties and I just can’t relate to OP at all. As long as they are happy and not doing anything illegal I can't imagine why I would stick my nose in where it wasn’t wanted or asked for. If my kids want to live wholesome lives I could not be happier.

I don’t think you’re a cow or that you hate your daughter, or any of the ridiculously extreme things that have been said. But I do think you need to let go a bit.

She’s not a 15 year-old neglecting her GCSEs because she thinks 100 TikTok followers makes her a full-time influencer. She’s not an 18 year-old ditching uni because of a boyfriend she’s only been dating a month. She’s very much a grown woman.

I think you’ve had extreme reactions because your viewpoint is different to the norm; it would be more common to see mothers of adult children on here worrying that they won’t grow up and settle down. But ultimately by the time your child hits 27, you have to let them make their own choices - even if you’d prefer them to make less sensible rather than more sensible ones.

Maybe you could just let them live their own lives and butt out of theirs.

I would have hated if my mum had tried to dictate to me how I should live my life. Awful.

I only enjoyed clubbing and partying when I was single. Once I met my boyfriend we did other things together

You sound ridiculous. You think she’s boring because she’s not out partying? I think getting drunk and spending days hungover is wasting your life, not what they are doing. Let them be, if she’s happy and safe and in a healthy relationship then that should be enough.

Wow how very dare they enjoy walks and good food, here's a suggestion... Fk off and leave them alone to enjoy what they want to do with their life, it's got absolutely sweet fk all to do with you.

I was expecting you to say the complete opposite, that they were out drinking every weekend etc... this sounds like the complete opposite of 'wasting' their lives?!

I don't drink and have never enjoyed partying at all, I settled down with my boyfriend (now husband) at 18 and have been 'boring' ever since.

That is exactly what I thought as well!

OP, what are you worrying about? They go out for exercise and are building a lovely home together.

OP - your DD sounds great but I understand you. For example, I feel like like motherhood etc has been really enjoyable for me as I rarely experience FOMO.

This is largely due to working abroad, travelling, having amazing girl trips during my early/mid 20s. (One of my favourite memories is not realising the dirt cheap ticket to South Africa meant a layover in Libya😅)

The important thing is that DD is happy and in a good relationship - but I do understand your feelings.

So patronising. Just because their idea of fun isn’t yours doesn’t mean they aren’t enjoying themselves. Be grateful they are happy and healthy. My 24 godson is in thrall to ketamine and I am terrified every day that he will of or crash his car under the influence. Is he living life to the fullest?

Her life sounds nice! What she finds fun doesn't have to be the same as you.

I get it op. I moved around a lot, lived abroad and had a lot of adventures in my 20s and really enjoyed the variety, meeting people from all over and the sense of possibility. I would find it hard to understand if my dd settled down in the way you describe. However, I didn’t live perfectly, made bad job choices, was single and lonely a lot of the time and financially years behind a lot of my peers. I’m sure my parents weren’t completely happy with how I lived but they let me get on with it - at the end of the day your dd is happy and has chosen her life, which may or may not last forever. As pp say it’s a different generation and perhaps harder to take risks.