DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

What do you mean by "Little England"?.

Did she go to uni? Is she living in her home town?

Your definition of living isn't hers though. That's ok. Go enjoy your life instead, it just means you did a good job raising her.

The cosy comfortable copy paste market town where everyone is white and middle class. The world is not like this outside these places. That’s all.

Yes expense and health keeps me in the UK for the moment but I love visiting places here. I love history and we have so many beautiful towns, villages and cities. You can make a great list of UK destinations :)

You must live in little England though?

I think that often we look back on a misspent youth .But were we out partying all the time really? I went to parties ,drank and dabbled with drugs ( Actually my "friends " spiked my drink and I woke up feeling terrible .But not every night.Young people can choose how to live healthily without getting slaughtered !Your DD and BF sound great .Leave them be OP ,I am similar in that I like Holidays here in UK .The peaks are lovely .and doggy comes too I expect.Its a hassle /expensive flying now .Clubs are dear and a friends DD had her drink spiked and woke up on the steps of the club!

Are you white and middle class?

Nope.

I'm about their age and I don't know anyone who is still very much in the clubbing stage of their lives. Maybe a work night out, or the occasional trip to a bar with friends, but for the most part, they're past it. In a lot of clubs, you're "old" if you're 25 and they're full of teenagers.

I think this is fine for 27yrs. I thought you were going to say 15 years and refusing to do homework, not 27yrs and living her own life. I think we can look back at our younger years with rose tinted spectacles and not appreciate that some of those times weren't as good as we thought they were, and the expense when you are first starting out - my exH used to insist on spending a fortune on nights out and we never had much money as result.
I suspect I might have what you think is a boring daughter. She's 18yrs and doesn't really drink, she works in a garden centre part time as she can't decide what to do next (she got great results at the end of yr 13), she has a loan horse and does lots of horsey things with friends that doesn't include night clubs. It's what it is.

What do you think they should be doing? Drinking and going to parties? I’d be so happy if my children grew up and had such a happy, wholesome life with someone who seems so perfect for them…

Clubbing isn't really living though is it? It's doing the same thing in an equally filthy club every time and waking up feeling sick. It's a specific generation's idea of a good time. Things have changed a lot and are continuing to change post COVID. Finances are much tighter and most people can't afford alcohol fuelled night's out. Travelling is ridiculously expensive and we better understand the risks associated with cheaper travelling such as dangerous drinks, unsafe accommodation etc. The massive increase in house prices means that many people don't own a home in their 30s so travel is a luxury that many can't afford.

I do think that you've taken a restricted, outdated and somewhat unkind view of your daughter's lifestyle but I agree that socialisation has changed in some worrying ways post COVID. Younger people are retreating from socialising and all forms of dating and communicating are turning online. These trends have been documented and it's associated with increased loneliness and depression. We need to support the younger generation to create meaningful connections have have transformative experiences. Clubbing has no role in that.

You're being very disparaging about this place. If you don't like it, fine. It certainly wouldn't suit me, but - as we keep saying - people are different.
Plus, it's just as much part of the world as anywhere else.

Well yes but I’ve experienced other cultures and lifestyles. Anyway not sure how we’ve got on to this.

My list gets longer by the day!

But that may BE 'fun' for them. Seems to me you don't actually want them to have 'fun', you want them to have what you dictate is 'fun'.

If DD was constantly moaning about her dull life, you'd have a point. If not, assume she's having what is 'fun' for her.

Would you have liked your Mum telling you what 'fun' is and policing how you have it?

She'd be wasting her 20s if she was doing things she didn't want to do to please someone else.

🍿

You seem to be completely missing the point that they are out enjoying their lives, just with different hobbies than you. Most parents would be delighted their kids aren't binge drinking and have wholesome, chilled weekends

I think that's OP's point. She would like her DD to see life outside of their bubble.

You brought it up that is why we are here.

Have you not considered they may not enjoy going out drinking and clubbing? And just because that’s what you enjoyed does not mean they don’t enjoy their hobbies and interests? Does not mean they are not ‘living their life’ but it’s exactly that.. their life not yours.

This has got to be a joke surely? I’ve never partied - can’t think of anything worse than going to a nightclub. In fact, I’ve only ever been to one once and I spent the whole night wishing I could leave! I have no regrets about not ‘living’ as you put it. Not everyone likes the same things. I think clubbing is boring. That’s just my opinion. Maybe just let them decide what they enjoy doing and butt out.

You don't sound very open minded or interesting yourself, perhaps focus on broadening your own horizons before you worry about your daughter?

Thats it. I moved out ages ago.