DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

This and also the age of the op. It’s strange to get to an age where you have a 27 yr old daughter and to not have learnt yet, and still don’t get it after umpteen people point it out, that different people enjoy different things.

For me, I went clubbing during university then I graduated at which point the pandemic happened. So that literally killed any further desire I had to go clubbing.

But even when I did go clubbing, looking back I hated it. The pressure to look sexy, spend ages on hair/makeup, spending loads of money on taxis/travel/drinks, trying to dodge perverts and trying to make sure you/your friends don’t get spiked, trying to get home safely at ridiculous hours and not get in danger en route, trying to not be photographed in an embarrassing manner and not get those images posted on social media for the regret the next day. Like looking back I had some fun days but honestly life is so much easier not going clubbing. Like I have so much extra headspace. I like music, dancing, looking good. But I’m totally fine with just going out for dinner and calling it at 9pm instead of partying all night.

I’d sort of get where you were coming from if they were 19….. but they’re 27!!! Absolutely normal to be married with kids and homeowners at that age.
there are so many different way to live your life. And many of us are lucky enough to get to choose.
what’s so beneficial about pouring vodka in your eyes and throwing up a takeaway pizza behind a bus stop anyway? I’d take crocheting anyday.

This, x 💯

I think OP forgets that at the time her daughter “should” have been off doing those trips and clubbing nights, we were hit by Covid. We were forced to slow down and for a lot of us, it turned out we really liked that lifestyle.

You’re only wasting your life if you spend it doing things you don’t want to do with people who don’t appreciate you!

It doesn't really matter what you say or think, they have to work it out for themselves. They sound like good kids, don't worry about it and definitely dont mention it. You risk upsetting them entirely unnecessarily.

This was me twenty plus years ago. Im
a home body, I do not like being out and about partying all the time. She’s obviously very happy so you should be too!

This. I think there are probably thousands of us who went clubbing in our early twenties, simply out of fear of being called boring otherwise, who would have far rather been doing what the ops dd is. Good for her I think.

Gosh, I was long done clubbing by 27!

I was always led to believe that travel expanded the mind and was a very worthwhile pursuit (enjoyable too). You can practice using languages you have learnt, explore different cultures and learn more about yourself in the process. However it seems to have evolved that now we think everyone should be doing it whether they enjoy it or reap any benefit from it whatsoever!

What troubles me about your view OP is that there is no room for accepting that your daughter wasn’t made in your own image. My 22 year old son is very different to me and I love seeing him forge his own path. He’s not a traveller or clubber as he’s saving to pay for training in his dream career. I celebrate our differences

Travelling is fun but so expensive, for today’s young people it very well may be a question of buying/renting vs travelling.

if you have your own bills, you’re not likely going to be able to afford to travel. I mean, I’m in my 20s on £50k but I couldn’t afford to take off a chunk of time off work to travel, I doubt my manager would be impressed at the very least and I’d be in a worse position for promotion and job security.

the young people travelling are likely supported heavily by parents and perhaps that’s why OP is embarrassed, she can’t flex her wallet like her mates are and so can’t keep up with the Joneses

living is a personal construct for it to be meaningful
Your idea of living has resonance for you creating happy memories as it was meaningful
Equally, if their groove and idea of living is being together,walks, cooking that’s great

I honestly think that you need to stay out of your daughter's business. She is old enough to make her own decisions. And I really hope that you don't spend all your time criticising everything that she does because that's really rude and not at all fair on her

Personally I think things like this good for their mental well being, and tons better than them doing drugs or gaming . 🙄

Be glad you have a sensible daughter, she isn't wasting her youth, shes protecting her future.

I mean, personally I’ve really caught the bug in the last few months. But it’s just so expensive. I’m planning a trip next summer and accommodation will be £2,000 alone. It takes a long time to save up and actually go and do it.

I can totally see why her DD would want to stay in the UK! I have a list of destinations in the UK I want to visit too.

They sound great. You sound very narrow minded.

Just want her to explore outside the ‘Shire a bit thats all

I think id be proud of my daughter for not following the path of partying drugs etc. Why would you want her to be tempted? Cus thats the situation your asking for her to be in right now. Take it from someone who threw their twenties away partying, you are blessed to have a daughter that wants a quiet life.

Why?

Are you trying to live your twilight years vicariously and therefore disappointed in how they choose to live their lives ?
honestly you sound like a night mare !

They are living, in their beautiful and wholesome way.
would you rather she was getting pissed and having one night stands?
This is a strange thing to be bothered about, and I wonder what it brings up in you, is there something you feel you missed out on in your youth?

To see the real world not just Little England

Exactly this!! I seriously think you are the one with the problem OP… Your DD and her BF seem like very balanced twenty somethings to me! Next you’ll be worrying that they are carefully saving their income and aren’t up to their eyeballs in credit card debt!!!