DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

Sounds like my dream life tbh. Good for them.

Sorry to be one of those annoying posters who quotes the whole post but you are being very unreasonable.

At first I thought this was some 'spoof' post.

But no- you're actually serious 😂

Their lives sound lovely.

I gave up 'clubbing' (it was called going to discos in my youth) when I was 20.
After that I had steady boyfriends/ relationships.
Weekends at home, going out to dinner, meeting friends for a quiet drink.

How pleased I was to see the end of 'partying'!

I would also find it odd that they didn't want to explore/travel or socialise more but I did have quite a few friends at uni who were like that. Their ideal Saturday was walking with their binoculars for the birds.

Different people have different passions OP maybe buy them some binoculars and a bird book for their walks?!

Sounds like Edina and Saffy.

Seriously, leave them be, they want their life not yours.

They ARE living.
Just not in a way that suits you or would have suited you.

You're very small minded.

Baking, restoring furniture, country walks, are so much more enriching for the soul than going to a bloody party or club and drinking.

They sound fantastic! What great hobbies; furniture restoration sounds especially fascinating, and I crochet myself. I do like holidays in Europe, but there's so much of the UK I'd love to see and haven't yet, it sounds like they have some great plans. From everything you've said they seem like the kind of people I'd love to be around! I bet they have some great stories from their walking trips, and I love to hear about what people are growing in the garden, their latest antique store finds, and what they've enjoyed reading lately. I don't drink either, and I'm in my mid-late twenties. Never enjoyed clubbing in the slightest so I spent most of my free time during university hopping on the train to new towns and villages, or wandering parks and nature reserves with my friends. I don't drink, either, so you'd find me absolutely mind-numbing from the sounds of it.

Honestly, this is a problem with you and not with them. There's no shame in knowing what you like and having your life together, I expect you'd find they\re happier than most people their age. I certainly hope you haven't expressed any of this to the two of them.

Well they are living ! A very happy life by the sound of it. My oldest friend was like this in her twenties with her DH. They are still (decades later) blissfully happy together.

There are so many stories on here of young lives going wrong, thank your lucky stars for this young couple who seem to have their lives sussed. If they are happy and settled then you've done a good job, don't ask for anything more

Are you embarrassed that your DD isn't wild or adventurous like your friends' children?

Surely the main wish of good parents is for their children to be happy and your DD is obviously happy with the life that she has with her partner. Why can't you be happy for her?

You sound more boring than your daughter OP! Let her enjoy her life :)

They’re living their lives. Stop trying to relive your youth through them!

I once saw or read something that explained "it takes all sorts" as basically an evolutionary strategy/outcome. I.e. we have a variation of personalities and tendencies even within family with some being naturally early risers, some night owls, some adventurous and curious (and so may travel and discover new resources and new people to trade with etc), some who are more cautious and stay closer to home (because the adventurous ones have a higher risk of being killed) etc.

Maybe it's just a case of your daughter is different from you rather than just ignorant of opportunities or lazy, and it makes sense that she's with someone who is similar.

What you can't seem to get OP is that people like different things.

Please don't start making this ageist. You've got this weird mindset based on stereotypes.

The older generation are not always doing what your DD is. Many are travelling and seeing the world on the back of their mortgage-free homes and fat pensions. They are not all sitting knitting.

Your idea of 'fun' is my idea of Hell.

Maybe accept that people are different?

But they ARE living just as they want to do. Your twenties isn't all about drinking and clubbing. Just because you enjoyed that doesn't mean they want to do the same. I think they sound great.

This was the nature of my very first relationship and I loved it. It was a quiet and loving relationship and I miss it. I dated someone who had to be on the go all the time, eat out for most meals, meeting up with people, never at home only to sleep. And for me it was draining and it wasn't really "bonding" time. Me and my first BF would make meals together, go on a picnic, have lunch together, take my dog for a walk, or walk around the neighborhood. Nothing crazy, but it made me happy. My DD has the same type of relationship right now and i'm actually jealous of her, wish i could find someone that would be happy doing simple things in life.

Leave her be. If they are happy that's all that matters.

I’m in my late 30s and I haven’t even regretted one bit about not partying all nights in my 20s. I can relate to your DD. I don’t enjoy partying but I do like walking in the countryside, Sunday market, baking and reading in my free time.

Are they happy?

More to the point, is OP happy?

That’s exactly what I mean. I fear they are retreating for the chaos in the world into their comfort blanket.

Maybe they'll want to travel when they're older. There's not an age limit on it - just potential limitations of budget and/or health.

No. You fear they are not having fun the way you think they should.

This is a YOU problem. 100%

1. Stumbling around a city centre drunk in high heels is really old-fashioned and out-of-date now, especially post-uni.
2. A lot of the draw of 20s clubbing is to pull, they are already in a steady relationship.

FGS

What's wrong with doing things you enjoy rather than trying to copy what your Mum enjoyed 30 years ago?

OP- it's you, not her.

They have all their lives to travel and do more 'exciting' things.

Your idea of fun (parties etc) sounds boring and shallow.

Give yourself a good talking to.

I tried the whole nightclubs and alcohol thing at your daughter's age. Hated it, didn't like alcohol, didn't enjoy the atmosphere, the noise, I was counting the minutes til I could go home. I went several times til I realised I was wasting my time doing something I hated. So wasting your best years can mean very different things to different people.

We were planning our 1st baby at 27. Stopped 'partying' around 24/25. Life much like your dd. Married nearly 30 years now, have lovely kids and dont regret anything.
Let them live their lives how they want