DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

But they ARE living and experiencing life, just the life they want, not the one you want for them. You are not the same people. Why should they travel and go clubbing etc if that's not what they enjoy? Time spent doing that would be a waste to them and maybe they'd end up regretting wasting their time on those things rather than spending it doing what they enjoy - reading books, going on walks etc. They're not boring, they just enjoy different things. What a horrible sneery attitude you have towards them.

Op you sound a horrible person. I can't believe you're so closed minded that the only way to have fun in your eyes is to go and get involved in 'the party scene'. I'm 28, have never been into all that and I have a lovely life, thanks. Your poor daughter, does she know you're online describing her as boring and implying that she should get a life?

Maybe you're the one who needs to get a life.

Does you DP laugh at your daughter like your friends apparently do?

What?

I’m doubling down because I’m feeling unjustly attacked. I expected disagreement but not this. I was ready to put my hands up and go ok I’m old I do t get it I’ll be quiet (in fact I said as such) Then name calling started (someone said I was disgusting) so forgive me if I am being a bit defensive.

Well, your DD has definitely succeeded in rebelling against her mother's expectations so you should admire her for being her own person!

Hopefully she has a long life ahead of her and can do lots of travelling and adventures in years to come if she decides she wants to. The jobs market is so hard for young people, and everything is so expensive, that I totally get why cosiness and security feels attractive right now.

I would feel the same. It’s just that you can live their life style when elderly seems a shame not to do abit more when you are young and gorgeous and have the energy.

I’m a homebody and similarly, would consider the way you lived your twenties as a complete waste of time.

That sounds a lovely way to spend their free time. And in all honesty 27 is quite old to be out clubbing these days. For my age group (I'm 33 now) clubs were more for when you were 17/18 and early twenties, later twenties were more pubs & drinks at someone's house. I had some great times, but also did some fairly questionable things when I was younger and out drinking too much so I wouldn't necessarily say its a bad thing that they aren't!

I agree OP, there’s a life time of sitting in ahead. I’m younger than you, but their life is how I imagine (someone else’s) retirement. But different strokes and all that. Sounds like she’s happy.

I can't believe how bitchy and judgemental you are being about your own daughter.You sound like a Mean Girl but about your own child.

I’m not sure this can be real and anyone would be so short sighted? Interesting you think they are not having fun because it isn’t what you found fun at their age. People can be different and unless they are unhappy, why would you not be simply happy for them?

You were hoping as she neared her 30s she would look back and feel regret about her choices? What the fuck

Maybe try appreciating the daughter you have, eh?

Eddie, is that you, Darling?

Why would a couple in their late twenties want to even go clubbing? Surely it’s the sort of thing you do in your late teens/uni years or if you’re casting your net looking for a partner.

Edie and Saffy did come to mind 😁

Yes, surely that's limiting, but in a different way?

All my adult DC would choose long hikes, the gym, cooking up healthy foods, and spending time in nature or with animals, over clubbing. They drink very moderately, and eat cleanly and think the weekend is a time to recover from and prepare for a week of hard work. It's seems to be working great for them tbf.

There is every chance they are both hiding from life. I am early 30s, not much older than your daughter and up until 26 I very much lived like her. I was in a long term relationship and we used each other as a comfort blanket. We never ventured despite having the independence and money to do so. We did the same thing for every day of each week, we had a strict routine. If you ask me at the time, I would have said I was happy. But now I am older, in hindsight I was not happy, I just thought life sufficed.

When I broke out of that patterned, I started travelling, I have now been to 19 countries in 6 years, and have move from my home country to London. I regret not living sooner.

What you are fearful for your daughter is understandable as it does happen, like to me. I hope she does not come to regret when she is a middle aged lady. Maybe she will stay with this man until her 70s and she looks back with no regret, in which case I’m sure you will be happy for her and no harm done. But with the opportunities available for young people these days, it could be unlikely.

You really are not helping yourself, she has found someone she is compatible with, enjoying their life with their dog and a few friends, .do you see it as If you have "failed " im not having a go but you seem really dissapointed how shes turned out and you might think that is a reflection on you.

Nothing wrong with contentment. You should be pleased she's found her thing.

If they wanted to get shitfaced and go clubbing they would. They don't.

Just to throw in a different perspective…….

DH and I bought our first house at 18, got married at 23 and had DS when I was 27 so we didn’t really do the whole partying and travelling in our youth thing because we didn’t have the spare cash.

HOWEVER….. we’re now in our 40s, DS is almost 18, we have really well paid jobs and no mortgage or debts.

We basically have a load of disposal income and are using that to travel and live it up now!

I wouldn’t have it the other way round, travelling on a budget in my youth and paying my mortgage into retirement? No thanks not when I can travel in luxury and buy lots of nice things (looking at you mid-life crisis hobby!) now ☺️

You called your daughter boring! I suppose you’re the toast of everywhere you go though and everyone just delights in your company.

I get what you're saying, OP. Everything gets boring eventually and if they're doing the retirement stuff now, will they regret not getting out there more in their youth?
My parents have a friend who just hit that point at 67. After raising her family and only enjoying wholesome pursuits all her life (she's a very wealthy retired doctor) she's now left her husband, discovered make-up and alcohol and is looking for fun at every turn. She's disgusted she didn't get out there more in her youth and is determined to make up for lost time.

Calling your dd and her partner boring is nasty. Maybe you think you’re endearingly wacky and amusing but this is at the expense of someone you’re supposed to love unconditionally. If someone else was talking about her like you are, I would expect you to step in and defend her choices, not start a pile on of your own. That’s really not how mums are supposed to operate.

At 27 I was living in a commune in the US and having the time of my life working casual seasonal jobs, travelling, living out of a rucksack and being completely irresponsible — but I’m not your daughter. It’s not compulsory to do your 20s the way I did.