DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

OP is complaining that she’s being treated very harshly here and ‘didn’t expect’ the backlash she got but honestly her original message and replies mainly come across as quite immature especially with the constant hysterically crying face emoji when she references her DD and her BFs activities. Directly calling the BF boring as well is a bit much also. She said she got up to ‘all sorts’ as well as clubbing etc in her 20s which implies she wants to see a little rebellion in her daughter without realising what’s staring her directly in the face! I’m sure OP loves her DD but I agree with you I thinks she’s gotten peoples backs up as you say, her mean girl approach.

Maybe OP you are actually jealous of her?

She's enjoying life and you don't like to see that.

I wonder how enriched your life is now and if you really did enjoy your wild 20s?

The biggest waste of life is spending it doing what other people think you should be doing, not what makes you happy. She sounds like she’s comfortable in her own skin and that’s a great thing to be; some of us never get there.

You sound like Edina from Ab Fab, trying to recapture what you think are your glory days by chivvying her to do things she’s just not into.

But rather obviously, some people want to just live in peace. They don’t want the stress of travelling. It doesn’t make them happy. Whether they are 20 or 80.

I am very happy for todays youth that there isn’t the pressure to conform like there was in the 80s. People get to do whatever they want to do. And guess what op, some people don’t like clubbing and travelling.

it always seem to be the people who think they are the most free and liberal, are actually the most closed minded people possible.

if others don’t like exactky the same things they like, they’re doing it wrong and ‘they feel so sad for them.’

I think the vitriol was because you seemed to be focusing on clubbing, and that's kind of dated. I can't think of anyone I know who is coupled up who would want to do that, dodging the gropers and holding their hand over their drink all night so no-one can slip you a rape drug. Be happy (and relieved) that your DD has a happy and compatible relationship that doesn't rely on external stimulus to keep it going. If they (they, not you) start to feel stifled or bored then they will take action. In a non vitriolic way, do you think you might be projecting because you are bored?

@FiddIedeedee When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

So was I, but I don’t think you did it properly. Now 60, my partying youth left me with life-long scarring from sexually-transmitted disease, hearing loss, foot desensitisation and gait deformity, and short-term memory impairment from alcohol withdrawal. But at least the acid flashbacks stopped years ago. Be careful what you wish for.

Their doing what they want their both adults doing what they like doing ! If they wanted to go out boozing they would !! Leave them alone and them them do what they like doing ! Drinking culture is long gone ! Both my adult children enjoy doing wholesome stuff ! Wild camping walking my daughter 23 loves garden centres and afternoon tea ! They are both well travelled as well the like adventures and experiences u don’t get that boozing every weekend

OP didn't get her preferred 'cool' and adventurous daughter like her friend's children so she has come on here to mock her with her ridiculous laughing emojis. OP should feel guilty.

Imagine how hurt her DD would be if she could read her mum's comments about her and her partner. These are the sort of things that people say on here about their friends that they actually don't like very much. This is a mum saying them about her own daughter who sounds really lovely. I find her attitude quite distasteful.

Sounds to me like OP is struggling with her age and that her ‘halcyon’ days are behind her. No one wants an old woman at their disco. She wants to recapture her misspent youth but can’t because her dd isn’t playing ball (or should that be glitterball).

Why is that such a bad thing, what is wrong with them sitting in their cosy bubble ? Do they have jobs out of their home i might have missed it if you have said.

You sound really horrible. They are experiencing the world. Why is walking in the peaks any less interesting than a week in the sun? It's what they enjoy doing. You seem horribly out of touch, they sound like most people I know.

God I’m glad I’m not your daughter.

im 26, nearly 27, and a perfect evening to me is a nice bath, clean PJs, a book and a comforting Netflix show. Clubbing etc could not interest me less. A decent night out is a minimum of £50 now and I’d rather put that into my travel savings!

Yeah sorry about the pile on OP, ignore people having weird reactions that are definitely about their own things. I think the "such an old lady" jokes from DD are jokes I hear a lot of young women make! Just acknowledging that they don't quite fit with the image is all/what people think they should be doing. For the record you sound like a good mum to me knowing when to bow out but also wanting a full and interesting life for her.

I will say Castleton in the Peak District is gorgeous, if she's heading that way definitely do a tour of Blue John Cavern! Me and DH had a lovely time there last year, the guide Nigel was a proper laugh x

I’m a similar age to your dd and I have a child. Late 20s is very different to early 20s. Most people in their late 20s have settled down and focus on their career and having children etc. Clubbing is for teens and early 20s.

I'm sorry your DD doesn't give you interesting enough updates to share with your friends, OP.

The thing about (repeatedly) calling a person "boring" is that you're making them the object in that sentence. When you say someone is boring you're evaluating their entertainment value and interest to outside parties - the thrill and interest you get when you think about what they're doing, the intriguingness of the anecdotes and updates you get to pass on, the envy or admiration others show when hearing or seeing updates. That phrasing ignores your DD as the subject in her own life story and all of the feelings she experiences while living her life the way she chooses. And that's fitting, because throughout this thread you've shown very little regard for your DD as a unique individual who knows her own mind better than you, or for how her chosen life brings her joy and contentment.

I'm sure they are living thier best life and it really is up to them, but what I found surprising is your reaction when someone said she might get pregnant and you said oh god no! What's that all about ? Don't you like her DP or do you think your not ready to be a granny?.

Each to their own OP.

They both have hybrid jobs and alternate WFH for the dogs.

Theres nothing wrong with it I just worry hiding from the real world does more harm than good. Theres nothing wrong real world isn’t all Sunday farmers markets and garden centre afternoon teas! I worry it’s an Instagram life but it’s not ‘real’.

I had most my partying days in my late teens. Had DD at 20. Partying isn’t for everyone They share mutual interests and from what you say are happy and he treats her well. Can’t really ask for more than that.

27 isn’t young to settle down and have children.

Having a child will just tie them down even more than the dog and for way longer. Not my choice but I’d be worried this isn’t the time.

If you don't think that you've been horrible, show this thread to your DD and see what she thinks about what you've said about her.

Wasting their lives by not doing what you want them to do ?

How daft is that ?

What do you consider to be real life?

Because it’s not clubbing either.

I work with a ton of women my age and we all do the same - we love baking, reading, walking.

What are you going on about? It what world are garden centres and markets not real life...