DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

"Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me"
Remember that song, OP?

I'm of your generation, partied hard in the 90s, and I think you're being very, very unreasonable.

Not that I'm sure that this thread is goady bollocks 🙄

Me too!

Now have this image of the OP in my mind…

Gosh. I’m 29 and my partying days are long gone. I drank and partied in my teens. By the time I went to uni, I didn’t care for it anymore.

I much prefer eating out with my DP and friends, old films and gigs. It makes me my happiest. I bet your DD and her DP are similar…

I’d be horrified if my mother thought of me in that way…

The goal posts have dramatically changed for young people. Loads of clubs have closed down, pubs are expensive and not the social hubs they used to be (if indeed they ever were). People in their 20's these days are far more into hobbies or the gym and "clean" living than my generation. It really is a thing.

Since when is partying and clubbing a more worthy/ valuable use of time than hobbies, walks, good food and company?! I had my children in my twenties, I’m now in my forties and have never once wished I did more “partying and clubbing”. It’s not for everyone. I would much prefer my children to be like your daughter at that age than the alternative you are offering here!! 😵‍💫

If they do they can absolutely still get up to all sorts in their forties - I know plenty who do!

But there is nothing the OP has said that suggests they aren't living life to the full and using all their youthful energy - they're just using it on walking holidays rather than bouncing around a warehouse. Different strokes.
Isn't it great that at a relatively young age they've found away of life that makes them really happy, rather than spending these years making mistakes doing things that don't, only to discover these hobbies in later life anyway?
If the DD or the BF seemed at all sad about their lives I'd absolutely agree that now is the time to shake things up a bit to find a way of life that does bring them joy, but they sound really, really happy.

I know, it's a lot different to our time but at the end of the day, they sound pretty happy, healthy and on track with their lives and not causing themselves or anyone else harm. Maybe you're the one who should be out partying! 😉 well done Mama, you sound like you've done a great job! 👏

I wish people weren’t focussing on the partying and clubbing, thats just one of many examples.

By the way DD refers to herself as an old woman, she’ll say “I’m such an old lady” or “I know I’m like a woman in my 80s…” it’s all lighthearted and I’m not the mean witch I’m being portrayed here!

Who says you can only be having proper fun if you’re in a nightclub or abroad?

Thank you!!

There's a huge difference between saying something yourself and having other people saying it, though.

Exactly - and feeling embarrassed by her when talking to your friends.
You might say you're going to be quiet @FiddIedeedee ,but I doubt it will alter how you think or deepen your understanding. It's sad that you think your daughter is embarrassing when she's achieved fulfilment and contentment.

For goodness sake, I don't know if it is because it's Monday but some of these responses are so scornful and serious.

I understand what you are saying OP, though if it isn't taken in jest by your DD then definitely stop. I joke with my own young adult DD, who recently went to Amsterdam for a week. She didn't see the outside of a club or as much as a single special brownie 😂

It was all about the architecture and the meals out, bike riding etc. I did the same trip at her age and remember very very little, but we laugh about it. I do think there is a generational shift with Gen X and their Gen Z children, and how they view their youth and time spent while still being young and carefree.

In my case and that of my friends, it is only ever said in good spirits. Whilst we jest about their smoothies and hiking obsessions, they eye roll and rib us about our wine consumption 90's nostalgia trips.

Times have definitely changed, and that appetite for hedonism and travel isn't the same, isn't seen as a rite of passage as it was for people in the 90's.
I will concede (and have told her) that I am relieved my elder DD is eminently more sensible than I ever was at her age. I secretly hope the same for the younger one too.

They won’t.

Not every young person wants to live like you did when you were young. What you consider fun is very boring to some people. Me included. When I was young I was mocked because I didn’t drink, presumably by people like you. Leave people to enjoy their lives in the way they want to.

They would be wasting their lives, health and money if they went out partying all the time. They sound lovely and really know what they like, I would be really proud.
Hiking is fantastic, you should try it.

She's not you! Accept that she is her own person.

You sound as though you envy them their youth, which is fair enough I suppose.

What isn't fair is whining because they're making different choices to the ones you did.

Is this a stealth boast about how lovely and well adjusted your DD IS?

You just sound really unkind. If you miss your youth maybe go out and relive it, instead of hoping to do so vicariously through your DD. Who the fuck decides how well a life is lived?

I hope that my young relatives find “boring” young men to spend their lives with because the dating world for young women seems quite scary now.

In my 20s I only went clubbing and partying because it was somehow expected, I never really enjoyed it. Country walks and crafts would have been more my bag.

But ultimately it doesn't mean I have missed out on seeing the world. DH and I have travelled extensively in Europe over the years and now we are retired we have the time and money to travel even further afield. We went to NZ this year and next year is China. You don't have to do it all when you are young.

Also long walks in the Peak District sounds brilliant and they can probably cover much more ground in a day at 27 than they will at 57.

They sound lovely, can I be your daughter’s friend? In all seriousness, you need to chill out and get some perspective, your daughter is happy and healthy and has positive hobbies that are good for her mental health. She has a partner who seems similar and it appears they have a loving relationship. They appear to be able to competently care for a pet. Most parents would be delighted to know their young adults were happy and settled.

Thank you!

I posted because DP and I were talking about it and he was adamant I was BU so thought I’d see. I definitely did not expect the vitriol I’ve got!