DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

Surely most people as they edge towards 30 start to appreciate different things to when they were late teens/early 20s?

They sound as if they are a well matched creative couple who enjoy being in nature and have great quality of life.
YABU

My dd and her boyfriend are 27, they’ve been together since they met at Uni at the end of 2nd year both ‘summer babies’ so 19 at the time. They’ve done all the usual uni social stuff, moved to Australia (he’s doing a PhD). My dd now has a really good job, earning decent money, they cook, bike ride, go to Saturday markets and sight see. They are saving towards a house deposit and hope one day to get permanent Australian residency. I do not interfere in their life!

I feel the same about my adult kids, but what can you do? It's their lives.

The thing is - you and the OP find this depressing, whereas the more enlightened among us recognise that the fact that you have enjoyed your youth (and life now) is fantastic and it is also fantastic that the OPs daughter is enjoying hers the way she wants to, not following the social rules that you’ve made up. We recognise that people are different and enjoy different things and would regret different things and we want people to be happy in whatever way that suits them. It turns out the OPs youth, seeing the world and not staying home hasn’t in fact made her a better, more understanding, worldly-wise person after all… how sad for the OPs daughter and, in the end, for the OP who seems to be the main one ‘suffering’ here.

They sound like a lovely couple. You are projecting what you enjoyed as a young woman to them. Everyone is different. I was a wife and mother in my 20’s and absolutely blissfully happy. Absolutely no regrets at all that I wasn’t travelling the world at that age.

You have a healthy, happy, grounded daughter who appears to have met someone she's really compatible with.

Sure, she's having a quieter life than perhaps you or I had at her age but it's her choice and there's nothing wrong with it.

If that's the biggest concern you have about her, life is good. Let her do what makes her happy.

As many have pointed out, they would love to be in your position.

I'd be really upset if I found out my mum was writing like this about me.

She's 27 - old enough to know what she likes and doesn't like, and she also sounds very lucky to have found someone who loves her and loves the same things as she does.

Stop making "jokey" comments about her and leave her be. There's a huge amount to be said for a simple life.

God you all sound horribly judgemental except in your case you're dressing it up as concern.

Newsflash. People are all different. They like different things. You had your young life, your DD and her boyfriend are living theirs. Presumeably they have the means to do these things but they choose not to because those things are not important to them. And that's FINE.

Stop measuring your DD by your own values, likes and feelings.

DP and I call DS and his girlfriend The Hobbits. The have such a sweet home loving life. It’s not how I was at their age but they are so happy!

I'm jealous, honestly. I'm 26 and I've had no luck with finding a partner. I don't think I ever will. This sounds like my idea of heaven, a slow paced life with your life partner

If this is real, I can only ask are you still off your tits from a night out in the 90s?

They sound:

• healthy
• happy
• well suited
• adorable.

I don't think any parent will 100% agree with every life choice their DCs make. I know I don't with my two! But it's their choice and their life. I had a young life like your DD, I didn't go out much and loved creating a home and had my first DC when I was 25. I definitely don't regret it. Country walks, crafts and spending time with people/the person you love the most can never be wasted time. Leave her be.

OMG. Grow up. They sound normal and charming

I love this! My partner and I are definitely Hobbits (although he'd probably be happier to be described as a dwarf) and I always think of Bilbo's words in the movie “It’s no bad thing to celebrate a simple life”.

Thank you!!

Honestly I’ve been called mean spirited, a cow and that I hate my daughter.

I love her and want the best for her. I realise it’s her choice and her life but I do wonder whether they are both hiding from life and their similar personalities are enabling each other.

That sounds so wholesome and like a lovely calm life

You've been told the same thing so many times now which is basically a lot of people think their lifestyle sounds lovely and you have to let them decide on their own version of contentment even if it seems too safe and boring to you.

However, I do understand a bit on where you're coming from. I can think of people who have stayed in the boring town I grew up in all their lives, even a trip to London would be a big adventure. I have moved around a lot, tried different things and travelled widely but I'm not necessarily happier than them. I wanted to experience more of the world like you, I suppose. Life is for living and do stuff whilst you're young and energetic? Yep, to some extent. Perhaps they'll get to Japan one day.

When I was at university - shock, horror - in 1999, I felt obliged to go clubbing, get drunk, be more outgoing. I think it made me come out of my shell a lot, but it wasn't actually truly "me".

I remember my friends wanting to go to the student union dance and R&B nights, but I'd rather have gone out on an indie music night. Confidence comes from doing what makes you happy, enjoying how you spend your time, but not caring what anyone else thinks.

Your DD sounds like she's obviously content, being happy with her boyfriend, and doing the things she loves. She's far better being able to enjoy herself, be healthy, and not be a worry. Surely that's to be celebrated?

My parents had the total opposite with my late brother, who was a drug user, and angry young man. They'd have loved it if he'd been an "insular" homebird.

Your idea of "living life" isn't a universal truth, though.

A lot of the things you describe sound like absolute hell to me. Maybe your DD is the same.

This is the weirdest post. OP has a daughter with a compatible partner and they live a happy life doing what they like best. Either it isn't serious, or the OP has difficulty in imagining that there are different strokes for different folks!

Fiddledeedee, firstly it is not your business how your daughter lives even if it distresses you.Secondly,you are being extremely ageist to assume that 60 somethings are living like your daughter or that she is acting as if she is 72! How do you know? You are absolutely steeped in stereoypes.Mumsnet doesnt care about ageism though.Words are powerful.Sixty somethings may only be staying inside because they think they should or society has said go away, you are past it.
Also the poster who said that at 27 ,party years would be over for your daughter is also ageist and its incredibly sad to hear that opinion. I do think it is sad that people no longer have many parties that are not family based as parties should go on for everyone if possible.They dont need to be drunken orgies.We ought to be able to gather and have fun in specific age groups and intergenerationally.Ive mentioned before the dancing in the square of a small spanish town I visited once,intergenerational and lovely and no p....heads,

But there may be bit of a conservative sort of streak in some young people and perhaps fear, but I think that for many of all ages now going out has become a chore and communicating with others outside family has become less relevant due to tech, covid,whatever, climate crisis.We have date night, family film night,etc bloody etc.Alsoo the baking and woodwork skills is great in many ways, travelling is expensive and doesnt always broaden the mind when its turned into insta milestones.On the other hand I sort of get what Fiddledeedee is saying but best to leave well alone.

See, this doesn’t sound mean-spirited - but the ‘Barbara from the Good Life’, 72-year-olds, boring-dog-people, stuff is mean-spirited.

If you genuinely think they are fearful and hiding from something, that’s the issue to tackle. But if someone is taking up furniture-restoration as a hobby and planning holidays to explore away from where they live (even if it’s in places you wouldn’t choose), I expect they’re not hiding from anything - they’re embracing what makes them happy.

What makes you think they're not enjoying life / youth / whatever? Why would they live as they do if they weren't enjoying it?

I always hated parties / clubbing. Love being nearly 50 and nobody expecting it. No regrets.

OP you are really unpleasant.

I hope.your daughters sees this thread and cuts off contact with you. To sit around disparaging your daughter to your friends is abhorrent.

Sounds like you're jealous that she's enjoying herself without you.

Christ you're disgusting

Stop interfering in their life together. Sounds like you need to be occupying yourself a bit more. Go do some travelling yourself and send your dd lots of photos from your travels around the world. Maybe she’ll be tempted (or not).