DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

That's their choice, though. A walking holiday in a National Park isn't like "going for a walk". The scenery is amazing, there's lots to explore. I don't know why you think it's a problem. Just live and let live.

I wasted my late teens/ early 20s but binge drinking and worrying more about my social life than getting a decent education and job. Biggest regret of my life. Wish I had stayed home and been in bed at 9pm instead of drinking my youth away.

How is OP a "poor woman"?

Haha I thought you were going to say they were lazy jobless stoners who lay in bed all day covered in takeaway containers and fag ash 😂

Yeah me too.
Mine did a good line in telling me what a disappointment I was, while making up my achievements that satisfied her own mind to others and boasted.

I;m 52 and we spent a few weeks this summer in my home country in her company. We also spent time with extended family. Whenever they asked me what i was doing now she jumped in with a made up story about my successes while glaring at me and warning me to contradict her.

I'm getting those vibes from the OP who is clearly all about appearances not reality.

They sound great 😃

I hope you’re joking.

The saying is 'you're a long time dead' ... not 'old'.

And the point is, live the life you want to live, now, whilst you can, which is exactly what they're doing.

You think reading a book is a waste of time and not 'fun' - your DD (and I) disagrees.

What exactly is it you've seen that she's missing eh? People throwing up in club toilets, getting wankered and getting off with really unsuitable strangers? Stumbling home at 3am from a field in the arse end of nowhere with less clothing than you went with..

I've seen all that and if I could go back and swap that for nights in a cosy house with a good book and a brew, I really bloody would!

Nothing groundbreaking happened on those nights out, nothing world changing. I once got ratted with Joe Gilgun (and a bunch of other weirdos and misfits and oddballs) - asides from being able to say 'I once got ratarsed somewhere in the wilds of Lancs with Joe Gilgun and a bunch of other weirdos', it has made zero difference to my life or I suspect, anyone elses!

Leave her be, she's living the life she wants to live.

Your DD and her partner sound lovely.

Happy with who they are, content in their lives, etc.

You on the other hand.... 🙄🤦.

I think it's great they aren't feeling the need to thrill seek and are happy and healthy. They are chasing elusive happiness through far flung travels, they are finding pleasure in their home comforts and just being who they are.

I agree OP. It’s depressing! I’ll never let my wild side die 😂

Be happy that your child is happy, and has a partner that she is well partnered with and has a good life.

Of my three older post uni kids - one is a party animal. Constantly travelling and finds it amusing that I sometimes have zero idea what country he's in. I'm happy because he's happy.

One is a proper homebody. Spent an eye watering amount on an armchair for her flat as she spends so much time curled up reading books. She'd rather a nice walk and a book over travel. I'm happy because she's happy.

My third has narcolepsy that's not controlled atm. She wants to be travelling round Europe and had a plan to do as many capital cities as possible, but it's all had to go on hold. She's had to change jobs because of the back to the office stipulation (even her bosses bosses boss felt it was stupid for her but they weren't allowed to make exceptions) and now instead of working FT, and being financially independent as she has been, she's working PT and being topped up with benefits which she hates while she tries to find another FT WFH role. My heart is breaking for her because she's not happy.

They are wasting their energy and their vitality, living a sedate life. It's their choice, and it has to be respected.

But this thread is hilarious. The boring brigade tearing the OP apart because how dare she not think it's lovely to live like a 70 year old when you are 20? Why are people so offended? Living a calm life is as valid as wanting to see the world, or trying new things, and parents have to respect both.

But lately it seems that the only MN approved way to live is being a homebody, having book clubs and country walks as the only source of fun, never even thinking about private schools, and god forbid you not being monogamous. All horrible, degenerate ways to live (and sex toys are also wrong. Vomit-emoji inducing wrong). But for some reason having sex without protection from the start is perfectly fine.

I’m aware, I’ve been. Beautiful place. But travelling while you’re young, child free and have the resources is extremely beneficial. There’s a whole world beyond the (tiny island) country that you’ve grew up in.

A lot of young people think they’re happy being stuck in a routine, but it’s not until they got older that they realise they weren’t so much happy, but comfortable, and breaking out of a pattern seemed daunting or challenging. OP doesn’t want her daughter to realise this until it’s too late. She doesn’t deserve the abuse she’s getting on here.

I'm 60, I'd stopped clubbing long before I was 27. Life 50 mins from London was expensive and - just like many in their 20s today - we couldn't afford a house until we were in our 30s. DHs job involved trips abroad so we sometimes took a holiday interailing type style starting from where he'd been working and therefore only needing to pay for flights for one of us. We also hiked as we do now. I don't understand why anyone would think all young people like clubbing, plus a high percentage of places one might live don't have clubs or even many pubs 🤷‍♀️

My DDs and their bfsare in their twenties and love going to the gym or out for coffee. They also watch a lot of boxsets . Elder dd loves decorating but also enjoys travelling. Younger dd likes music and gigs.

tbh I’d sooner that over going out getting hammered every weekend, being leered at and groped by creepy men. Alcohol and pubs is not the ultimate form of entertainment.

If you can’t comprehend that then I’ll be wasting my time even explaining 🙂

I'm 77 and I never went to parties, clubs, foreign holidays blah, blah, blah; and I don't regret it a bit. I'm quite interested in mosses.

It's sad you view her as wasting her life because she doesn't want to drink and go clubbing.

Yes, but that's your opinion and your choice. I have travelled a lot, my choice. We're talking about this young woman's choice.
She's not you, not me and certainly not her Mum.
Just let her be.

Judging by your emoji use, yes a tad!

Give them a break, lots of younger generation are opting for slow living, plus there’s not the disposable income there once was. Maybe they prefer to save for the future rather than spunk it all in nightclubs?

You sound like you’re really hard work to be honest.

I was getting the Edina/Saffy vibe too.

Also, OP, if you took her all over the world travelling but not around the UK then it makes perfect sense that she wants to explore the kind of places she hasn’t already been…

I wish I hadn't wasted so many days hungover!!

It's almost as if we live in a free country and make independent choices as an adult, even if they're not the parental choices.

I totally understand what you mean.

Their generation will have such long working lives, I honestly don't understand why they wouldn't want to live a little in their 20s and have more adventures, travel, take risks and generally live life to its fullest while they have their youth, health and vitality!

It's not necessarily about clubbing or partying, it's just about enjoying the freedom and energy that you only really have when you're young.

It is also a time in your life when you can make mistakes, learn and grow from them - before you have the commitments of a family, pets, steady career and a mortgage.

Obviously some people do have kids and commitments in their early 20s but if you are lucky enough to have good health, some money and no dependants .. why wouldn't you want to have a bit of excitement in your life!? I'd also find their choices baffling.

Obviously we are in the minority though 😂

You also sound horribly ageist which is ironic seeing as you’re likely no spring chicken!