Page 19 | DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

LaniJen · 2025-09-21T13:15:00+00:00

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes. DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time. But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here. I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same. AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

MrsJeanLuc · 22/09/2025 23:18

MoveOnTheCards · 21/09/2025 14:39

Is it just me who thought OP was using “special time” as a twee way of talking about having sex?

When she's 39 weeks pregnant? 😲

saraclara · 22/09/2025 23:26

We filled that last week with all the things we wouldn't be able to do for ages when the baby came. What you WILL be doing when it arrives is being stuck in the house looking at each other for weeks/months. Why on earth start that before you have to?
Our first was a week late, so we had three separate 'this is the last meal out we'll get for a while's!

BoudiccaRuled · 22/09/2025 23:35

moppety · 22/09/2025 19:53

I’d just chalk this up to one of those awkward situations where you read a message about yourself/not meant for you. He might be bored, but he is there and it’s not for long, so is it that big a deal? If you do it again in future then maybe you can choose a different way, but I’d just accept that it’s not what he would choose but you’re there now and it’s just for a relatively short period. I don’t think there’s a need to overthink it.

Personally I have the kind of relationship with DH where I could just easily say ‘Whoops, accidentally saw message from X when sorting your Bluetooth, I didn’t realise you were bored! What can we do?’ And we would have a chat about it.

And what you can do is go back to your actual home to await the baby.
Having a home birth at someone else's house, but not by accident. Actually waiting for it.
The mind boggles.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 22/09/2025 23:37

BoudiccaRuled · 22/09/2025 23:35

And what you can do is go back to your actual home to await the baby.
Having a home birth at someone else's house, but not by accident. Actually waiting for it.
The mind boggles.

Show quote history

A non home birth.

AmythestBangle · 23/09/2025 00:00

When she's 39 weeks pregnant?

Why not? (Obviously being bit creative about positions! And assuming she doesn't have any medical problems etc).

JediNinja · 23/09/2025 00:02

The thing is that even if your parents' house is lovely and a bit bigger, all his stuff is not there and there isn't the same opportunity to pick up a book, a game, a film, a board game, a magazine, a kindle, do some pending diy, whatever he's into. Whatever he's taken with him to pass the time, it would feel more like when you go on holiday, when you might be stuck with the book you chose to take but now you don't fancy reading that autobiography and preferred some fiction, for example. Being in someone else's house can prevent you from relaxing. You don't know where half of the stuff is, you don't want to be opening all drawers to find what you are looking for, you keep thinking of things you could have brought... I don't know, I think you could imagine yourself relaxing there because it's a familiar house and in your head it's probably a second home (if not directly a childhood home). For him it would be an in-laws home and not somewhere he can unwind, relax and have fun in the same way. Just even sitting on the sofa in someone else's house is different and even if they are not around, I don't kick my shoes, take my socks off, and cuddle in the same way, it feels a bit off-putting. I couldn't relax in the same way in my in-laws house and I would probably miss a hundred things from home that would be too minor to actually go and pick up. I would have stayed home and go out for meals, stay up watching films until late, have friends over, etc. You have turned on nesting mode but there's nothing for him to do in that regard. Better off at home and getting the nursery ready or doing DIY that won't get done later but is needed, going shopping for essentials, spending some quality time in places you won't be able to visit for a while, having dinner parties (when if pot-luck ones, so not much prep), etc.

babyproblems · 23/09/2025 00:05

My DH would never agree to this all happening at my parents’ house. It’s nice and safe for you there, but unless is his son-in-law number one in the world, I expect it’s hella stressful for him.
Also my DH would be worried he wouldn’t get a look in at new baby if we were at my parents’ house. Have you actually asked him what he would like / how he would like it all to play out? I suspect he is just going along with your whims here. Not entirely unreasonable as you are the pregnant one about to give birth. But I do think he should be a little considered! X

andfinallyhereweare · 23/09/2025 00:08

Are you a bit more emotionally intense than him? Why do you need to soak each other in? Why do you need to have forced fun to be together, could you not have been together at home? It seems a bit forced and fake…

Endorewitch · 23/09/2025 00:24

Can't think why you want to leave your own home. I don't blame him at all. Surely you can relax in your own home. I can understand why he doesn't like being in someone else's house,even if they are away. I would hate it too.

Endorewitch · 23/09/2025 00:30

Shitmonger · 21/09/2025 14:31

we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there.

Am I the only one that thinks it’s odd to want to give birth in your parents’ home?

No you are not odd. Why would she want to give birth in her parents home?Surely all her baby stuff is in her own home.
Maybe she wants her Mum around a bit to help which is understandably. But her Mum could stay with her at her OWN home.

Rachie1973 · 23/09/2025 00:44

The fact you’ve given it a name, ‘special time’ shows how you’ve built this up into something with expectations.

It’s so intense!

DPotter · 23/09/2025 02:21

So when will you be going home ? It could be another 3 weeks before the baby is born. And I doubt you'll want to be on the move home within 24 hours.

Remember the saying about guest are like fish - they go off after 3 days. The same applies to the way the guests feel too.

He's a good man, letting his partner move back to her parental home for upwards of a month ante and post natal. Let him have his whinge

Fruitlips · 23/09/2025 06:21

This isn’t a thread about the DP being bored

this is a thread about a pregnant woman who suspect her partner is having an affair, so tried to squirrel him away at her parents, but couldn’t resist checking his phone and sure enough OW is still there.

OP start a thread about what you are actually worried about

RampantIvy · 23/09/2025 07:27

Fruitlips · 23/09/2025 06:21

This isn’t a thread about the DP being bored

this is a thread about a pregnant woman who suspect her partner is having an affair, so tried to squirrel him away at her parents, but couldn’t resist checking his phone and sure enough OW is still there.

OP start a thread about what you are actually worried about

That's quite a reach to come to that conclusion. Why do you think this?

Fruitlips · 23/09/2025 07:29

RampantIvy · 23/09/2025 07:27

That's quite a reach to come to that conclusion. Why do you think this?

Show quote history

Why do I think this?

The OP and follow up posts

RampantIvy · 23/09/2025 07:33

Fruitlips · 23/09/2025 07:29

Why do I think this?

The OP and follow up posts

Show quote history

I have just read all of her posts and I'm not reading this in any of them. She sounds intense and idealistic but she doesn't come across as someone suspecting her DP of an affair.

I could be wrong of course.

Fruitlips · 23/09/2025 07:33

RampantIvy · 23/09/2025 07:33

I have just read all of her posts and I'm not reading this in any of them. She sounds intense and idealistic but she doesn't come across as someone suspecting her DP of an affair.

I could be wrong of course.

Show quote history

The bollox about Bluetooth and the messaging

the specific identification of the relative is being female

ThatBlackCat · 23/09/2025 07:43

Fruitlips · 23/09/2025 07:33

The bollox about Bluetooth and the messaging

the specific identification of the relative is being female

Edited

Show quote history

She's his niece! What you are suggesting is incest. Is that really where you're going?

Myfamilyisquirky · 23/09/2025 08:09

I think whenever you plan " special time " it never really works it's too much pressure and too intense. Have a conversation about it you will probably laugh about this in a few years it's sweet but a bit naive to think it's going to be idyllic.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 23/09/2025 08:41

How is it alone time for both of you if your parents are there? My DH would find that massively stressful. Why isn't your own hom relaxing?

Comedycook · 23/09/2025 08:47

At the risk of a flaming....I think home is basically the woman's domain, even more so if you're in the latter stages of pregnancy. Men generally don't hugely enjoy just being at home and pottering around. I have observed this in my childhood, when my father took early retirement and also in my own life when DH wfh. Men are generally happier having to get out of the house every day to do something productive. Women are usually pretty dam happy just being in the home. This doesn't mean all men and all women are like this obviously...but in the main...it's something I've witnessed.

Fruitlips · 23/09/2025 08:54

Comedycook · 23/09/2025 08:47

At the risk of a flaming....I think home is basically the woman's domain, even more so if you're in the latter stages of pregnancy. Men generally don't hugely enjoy just being at home and pottering around. I have observed this in my childhood, when my father took early retirement and also in my own life when DH wfh. Men are generally happier having to get out of the house every day to do something productive. Women are usually pretty dam happy just being in the home. This doesn't mean all men and all women are like this obviously...but in the main...it's something I've witnessed.

Edited

What’s your situation @Comedycook ? Man or woman? Partner? Live alone ? Children ?

Just being nosy!

NoisyLittleOtter · 23/09/2025 08:57

Comedycook · 23/09/2025 08:47

At the risk of a flaming....I think home is basically the woman's domain, even more so if you're in the latter stages of pregnancy. Men generally don't hugely enjoy just being at home and pottering around. I have observed this in my childhood, when my father took early retirement and also in my own life when DH wfh. Men are generally happier having to get out of the house every day to do something productive. Women are usually pretty dam happy just being in the home. This doesn't mean all men and all women are like this obviously...but in the main...it's something I've witnessed.

Edited

I won’t flame you as everyone is different, but this is genuinely not something I’ve witnessed amongst my family and friends.

MaybeIf · 23/09/2025 08:58

Comedycook · 23/09/2025 08:47

At the risk of a flaming....I think home is basically the woman's domain, even more so if you're in the latter stages of pregnancy. Men generally don't hugely enjoy just being at home and pottering around. I have observed this in my childhood, when my father took early retirement and also in my own life when DH wfh. Men are generally happier having to get out of the house every day to do something productive. Women are usually pretty dam happy just being in the home. This doesn't mean all men and all women are like this obviously...but in the main...it's something I've witnessed.

Edited

I think you’re an extreme example, @Comedycook. You stayed at home long after your children’s ages no longer required it, and were horrified during Covid when your husband was at home during the working day. I remember at the time it being strikingly clear that you didn’t like your daytime inactivity being monitored.

Comedycook · 23/09/2025 09:01

NoisyLittleOtter · 23/09/2025 08:57

I won’t flame you as everyone is different, but this is genuinely not something I’ve witnessed amongst my family and friends.

Show quote history

Yes it's not necessarily something that will fit everyone...my female friends all work but will say they'd quite like to be housewives in an ideal world. They'd be quite happy at home....for most men, if they were sahps or house husbands, they'd not thrive in that lifestyle. Again we're all different...I'm making huge generalisations.

But for the op, if she's in the late stages of pregnancy, it's very normal that she'll be nesting. Home will be comforting and safe. It's pretty standard to me that a pregnant woman will enjoy just being in the home. Expectant fathers will not have these hormones and emotions.