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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

512 replies

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:15

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 22/09/2025 15:22

The reason I think it’s made up is you don’t “connect a phone to Bluetooth” you turn Bluetooth on and pair devices, but there’s no way a couple young enough to be having a baby needs their partner to do that for them (not saying all older people do, but generally any tech help is needed the older we get).

Fruitlips · 22/09/2025 15:28

Tillow4ever · 22/09/2025 15:22

The reason I think it’s made up is you don’t “connect a phone to Bluetooth” you turn Bluetooth on and pair devices, but there’s no way a couple young enough to be having a baby needs their partner to do that for them (not saying all older people do, but generally any tech help is needed the older we get).

Exactly

it is BS

So the thread is really about the 39 week pregnant woman who suspects her husband is having an affair, so has tried to detach him from the Ow by holing him up in the country, but where there’s a will there’s a way.

ButSheSaid · 22/09/2025 16:05

So on this thread posters have invented •a husband (OP doesn't mention this)
•a birthing pool
•and an affair that can be ended by making the boyfriend be bored in the countryside.

GiveDogBone · 22/09/2025 18:02

Very strange, I mean it’s not like you’re a salmon. Not surprised he’s bored out his brains.

Also, YABU for going through his messages.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 22/09/2025 18:04

You seem to have a very, unrealistic, romantic idea of what the time would be like.

tuvamoodyson · 22/09/2025 18:10

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:19

time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.

and you couldn’t have done this in yours and his home?

Exactly! Do you not normally do this anyway? How long have you been together? Up until this baby is born it’s just the two of you….

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/09/2025 18:14

GiveDogBone · 22/09/2025 18:02

Very strange, I mean it’s not like you’re a salmon. Not surprised he’s bored out his brains.

Also, YABU for going through his messages.

🤣 'salmon!'

Original poster
LaniJen · 22/09/2025 18:23

The relative is his niece. He employs her and her husband.
I can’t remember what I wrote about the Bluetooth. I was connecting his phone to the speaker to play music from his Spotify account when the reply message appeared as a banner at the top.

OP posts:
Vitriolinsanity · 22/09/2025 18:24

At least he wasn’t saying he’s bored to you. Everyone can have a little vent surely?

Your plan, which I’m sure on paper, is lovely. But I can tell you I’d go doolally. It’s not his home. You can’t relax in someone else’s like you can n your own.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 22/09/2025 18:31

LaniJen · 22/09/2025 18:23

The relative is his niece. He employs her and her husband.
I can’t remember what I wrote about the Bluetooth. I was connecting his phone to the speaker to play music from his Spotify account when the reply message appeared as a banner at the top.

You saw one message or several?

InMyShowgirlEra · 22/09/2025 18:38

I'm a bit confused about why your parents house is more suitable for a home birth, but it's not surprising he's bored. You're 39 weeks pregnant so you are grateful for the rest. He's not 39 weeks pregnant so hanging round your parents' house waiting for you to give birth isn't going to be very entertaining for him.

LondonLady1980 · 22/09/2025 18:40

LaniJen · 22/09/2025 18:23

The relative is his niece. He employs her and her husband.
I can’t remember what I wrote about the Bluetooth. I was connecting his phone to the speaker to play music from his Spotify account when the reply message appeared as a banner at the top.

101 questions enquiring as to why you'd rather give birth in someone else's house as opposed to your own, and you only choose to answer the question about why you were using BlueTooth? 😂

friendsDisUnited · 22/09/2025 18:52

I wouldn’t be worried he is bored but I would be worried he told other family members and not you.

Tigergirl80 · 22/09/2025 19:14

Shitmonger · 21/09/2025 14:31

we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there.

Am I the only one that thinks it’s odd to want to give birth in your parents’ home?

Snap I couldn’t think of anything worse than giving birth with family there. I wanted to be in my own home in the weeks before birth nesting.

CausalInference · 22/09/2025 19:16

Why can't you cook together and talk in your own home? I assume you have a home? I wouldn't want to go and stay in someone else's house to wait for my child to arrive, you should have stayed in your own home and done those things. Even with your parent's not there, he's staying in someone else's house away from his life. Obviously you can give birth wherever you like or feel comfortable, but he doesn't have to be thrilled spending weeks on end as a guest in someone else's house away from his own life. It is a bit odd you want to give birth in your parent's house rather than your own home.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 22/09/2025 19:17

It sounds to me that he thought this might be a reasonable plan in the early days of pregnancy and wanted to make you happy by agreeing to things that you wanted to do. But now he's wishing he was in his own space and able to carry on with his usual routines. It does sound really boring OP.

WalkDontWalk · 22/09/2025 19:22

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable, and a bit selfish.

I mean, one might say 'if you can't be selfish when you're pregnant, when can you be?' And - yeah, okay. But justifiable selfishness is still selfishness.

Woompund · 22/09/2025 19:36

This house is like our own little bubble where can focus on each other without feeling like we need to be available for other people socially for a few weeks while we soak up time as a couple

Honestly this sounds insufferable, suffocating and dull. I have to assume he's on your wavelength since he's married to you but most people would find spending time described like that ⬆️ to be dreadful.

Enigma54 · 22/09/2025 19:37

LaniJen · 22/09/2025 18:23

The relative is his niece. He employs her and her husband.
I can’t remember what I wrote about the Bluetooth. I was connecting his phone to the speaker to play music from his Spotify account when the reply message appeared as a banner at the top.

Genuine question. Given your parents are abroad, why are you not birthing your baby at your house? Is it due to lack of space?

TheHillIsMine · 22/09/2025 19:38

Thank fuck your special time wasn't a euphemism for sex

it all sounds. A bit princess. Poor husband.

TheHillIsMine · 22/09/2025 19:38

Thank fuck your special time wasn't a euphemism for sex

it all sounds. A bit princess. Poor husband.

NuovaPilbeam · 22/09/2025 19:40

Tbh this is a bit odd for me. At 39 weeks i wanted to be in my own home, not my mums house.

DH definitely wouldn't have loved being there - its just not the same sense of home relaxation in someone else's home without your own stuff around.

sittingonabeach · 22/09/2025 19:40

Why aren't you doing things before you have baby?

BlokeHereInPeace · 22/09/2025 19:44

He will be really bored, on edge, and fed up.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 22/09/2025 19:45

When my first baby was due (and overdue) we were finishing off DIY jobs, going out for dinner and to the theatre. I went to a friend's wedding 2 hours away when I was a week overdue. I can't imagine setting up in someone else's house to twiddle my thumbs and wait for a few weeks.

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