Never having sex again

[user043857398]

What age were you when you realised you never wanted to be touched by a man again and saw absolutely no value in a man choosing to be with you long-term?

I'm probably quite young to have come to this conclusion and the knowledge that I'll never have a romantic connection again fills me with joy.

Friends, my children, my home, my future all take my headspace up and it's such a beautiful contrast to spending my youth chasing men and hoping they would 'choose me'. It must all have been due to societal programming. I look back and realise I was always happier when I was single and not interested in someone romantically.

What’s romantic love got to do with a damn good fuck?

I’m 49. I really enjoy sex and I find men attractive. I also love my partner, but that isn’t really why I enjoy sex with him. I enjoy sex with him because sex is something I get a lot of pleasure from and he’s good at it. I wouldn’t ever cheat on my partner because I adore him, but I know full well I would also enjoy sex if I had it with other people too.

The number of women on Mumsnet who insist they have zero interest in sex of any kind, even at a relatively young age, and who also insist that the very notion of spending any time with a man makes their skin crawl, is bizarre. I know literally nobody in real life, of any age, who feels like this and I think Mumsnet is very disproportionate on this. It’s very odd to me that people talk about a complete loathing of sex as a normal life stage that we can all expect as women. Certainly, a lot of people see their sex drive drop, but complete revulsion at the mere suggestion of physical touch or affection isn’t especially normal.

Now thinking of it, every person I have had sex with, thinking back, I have never enjoyed it. Its just been a thing to do as its expected! I didn't realise that's how I felt at the time.

I was about 54. Menopausal and with VA, had a partner who insisted on having sex even though it hurt me badly. The last time I thought' no, never again', split up with partner and lost all trace of sex drive. It came back, slowly, through my 60's but although I occasionally think 'hmm, wouldn't mind another go' I am not prepared to trade my freedom and my life for having to put up with a man in his 60's just to have a shag.

33 DH had a mental health breakdown and now I'm his carer I just can't stand the thought of it.

Like he's not a proper adult anymore so it feels wrong.

Your 'loved ones' are a totally different relationship, and you have to work at ALL relationships. Maybe you don't think that you don't...but maybe they're the ones that are putting all the work in?

Romantic partners, family relationships or friendships - all take time, work and effort but I guess if you're not prepared to put it any effort you're probably better on your own.

It’s very odd to me that people talk about a complete loathing of sex as a normal life stage that we can all expect as women. Certainly, a lot of people see their sex drive drop, but complete revulsion at the mere suggestion of physical touch or affection isn’t especially normal.

@BauhausOfEliott I agree with that. But also what blows my mind is people saying they don't like sex and they've never had an orgasm. WHAT? You've never even given yourself one? No wonder you don't like sex. I wouldn't like sex much either if there were no orgasms involved!

I’ve never really got the fuss about sex. I don’t like cuddles or intimacy. Sex has always been very much an act for my own enjoyment, but if I never had sex again, I wouldn’t be bothered.

I have never felt a close connection to anyone I’ve had sex with and I’ve never wanted to cuddle afterwards or be ‘close’.

I’m aware this isn’t the norm though, I’ve always just been wired a bit differently to most.

I’m 58.
We have sex once in a blue moon - a handful of times a year -if it’s instigated by my husband. I go with the flow perfectly happily but if he was suddenly out of the picture I’d stay single forever. I’d be perfectly happy to leave sex behind me now.

See the thing is, my husband has always been over weight but he was attractive to me 20 years almost ago as he was funny and we had fun and his face was attractive, now after we have had kids and are in our 40s, he has missing teeth, fails at diets and is still as fat as ever and is just so so unattractive to me since I was 21 when we met and am now 40 and know what I would have needed/ wanted in a man and didn't get. He is kind and all that which is why I stay but he is also weak as a person and it makes me really resentful and stressed out to be honest carrying everything.

When DH started with ED and wouldn’t do anything about it, I stopped all physical contact. It’s not nice being touched when you know it’s not going anywhere.

I was widowed in my mid sixties and miss my DH terribly, all aspects of our life together, including our wonderful sex life.

Nearing 70 now, I still need sex but so far take care of that normal physical drive by myself, and always feel better afterwards.

I've been having orgasms since early puberty, in my sleep even, so view it as completely normal and healthy. I hope the physical urge never goes away though if it does I suppose I would no longer be bothered.

For a lot of people it's got everything to do with it

I also think revulsion is a completely normal and appropriate reaction to many of the dynamics we see posted about on here.

This is sad tbh. I’m a widow (widowed at 38) and have been in my own ever since). I wonder if you will still say this in ten years time of no intimacy.!

This was also me most of the time. There was the added dynamic of liking women as well as men but heterosexuality being 'normal' and easier.

In actual fact I have just never went around fancying people so I probably shouldn't have been having sex with all but two of the men I've been with. So 'a good fuck' as pp put it wouldn't have been on the cards anyway. You can't do right for doing wrong it seems.

It might not be the norm but I think it's more normal that people like to admit. There is a section of society, of women, will turn everything into a competition and sometimes that includes bald faced lying.

My libido declined after the menopause and dropped off a cliff mid 50s.
Prior to that I had an insatiable appetite for sex. I do not miss it.

For all the people saying they'd love to but are troubled by VA etc I'd really encourage you to explore HRT and topical oestrogen...keeping my fanny happy feels like a FT job these days but it's worth it!

I was late 30s when I realized it just isn't worth the hassle and stress. Sex and love and so on can be great, but it all comes at such a price (unless you are lucky, which some are). When I look back over my life, sex has brought me far more misery than happiness. Books, learning, art, dogs, nature, peace, silence, studying languages, going to coffee shops with friends, visiting art galleries, those are the things that have made me happy. Sex and relationships bring ecstatic highs, but they also bring sooooo much f-ing hassle and pain. And one misstep can ruin your life – and that goes for both men and women btw. (I have known good men whose lives have been ruined by vile women.) Both my sets of grandparents had utterly miserable marriages, and my cousin's marriage, that seemed so happy, has just imploded after 30 years. It's awful to watch.

Bertrand Russel wrote 100 years ago that sex brings more unhappiness that happiness. Still true today imo.

Your life, your choice. I'm 59 and, since divorce, love living in my own. My difference is that I would love to meet someone, have intimacy and sex again, but would still want to live on my own so I suppose that's the way it's going to be!

Ah okay I can see how you'd think that then. Maybe I am in denial but long may that continue too if that's the case 😅

The number of women on Mumsnet who insist they have zero interest in sex of any kind, even at a relatively young age, and who also insist that the very notion of spending any time with a man makes their skin crawl, is bizarre. I know literally nobody in real life, of any age, who feels like this and I think Mumsnet is very disproportionate on this. It’s very odd to me that people talk about a complete loathing of sex as a normal life stage that we can all expect as women. Certainly, a lot of people see their sex drive drop, but complete revulsion at the mere suggestion of physical touch or affection isn’t especially normal.

Or maybe it's more normal than you think, but something most people don't find so easy to talk about in RL. Especially if, for example, you know their DH, most women aren't going to elaborate on how sex with him repulses them.

But I don't think it is true that people are talking about it as "a normal life stage that we can expect" - this thread makes clear that there are a lot of different experiences with some being still very into sex including some into their 70s, which is also fine and normal.

But I also think it's understandable for women to go off it. On one level there's a biological urge to pursue sex which does end for wmen and not for men. On another, lots of men are horrible, ranging from seriously abusive to "just" selfish, lazy, inconsiderate, unfaithful, pornsick etc etc and a lot of women do get to a point - sooner or later - where they think "sod this".

Well that's what I meant by putting our own meanings onto words.
I make effort to see my friends, I make effort to listen to them and be there for them and check on them etc. etc. etc. but I take joy in that effort so I don't see it as a negative, is what I meant.

But yeah 100% I'm not willing to put effort such as troubleshooting or problem solving with a romantic partner and yes I should definitely be alone in that regard.

I've never had troubles or problems with friends it's just pure unconditional love and care. Same with my children. It's 'work' but it's joyous work.

@LividYosemite

i wonder why it was so different..

For me the two are intertwined and I've always only ever enjoyed sex when it comes with love. The youth have a word for it I think among the many words they have for sexualities these days.

I can't just fuck someone. I don't enjoy it and couldn't climax unless there's a bond.

Do you / anyone think that maybe women feel as the op does because they haven't met the right man they have a sexual connection with .
.or maybe they did have that connection,but the man changed over time , leaving the woman to do all the domestic and childcare stuff