Woekn up at 3.13am, by DH saying "Fuck's sake"

[fastingforweightloss]

Apparently I was snoring. So he says "fucks sake" out loud, whilst turning on his side noisily. Definitely designed to wake me up. He knows I struggle to get back to sleep, if woken at that time. Small argument ensued, where I am told not to lie on my back. So essentially, this means lying on my side all night, facing the wall, not being able to move around to get comfy. That would be hard enough, but I have something wrong with my upper arms right now (dull ache), so lying on my side is not that comfy as it squashes my arms. He then falls back to sleep, facing away from me, but shortly rolls so that he is facing me (well, my back), and proceeds to snore into my ear for an hour, before I just call it quits and get up (at 4.20am) and get dressed. Now sitting in the dining room, and I am fuming.

For some context, just last week, he woke me up several times in the night. He sometimes gets in from work at 11pm, and has a bottle of wine to unwind. He then gets into bed around 3am, falls into a coma and snores loudly. But that's ok? Seems like a huge double standard to me.

He also has form for drinking on his days off, falling asleep on the sofa with the TV on, and then I have to get up at say 1am, to turn everything off, then I'm woken again when he rolls into bed at 5am. Yes, I have posted about this before if anyone thinks it sounds familiar.

It's now 4.47am, I have a long day ahead of me. Earliest I can go to bed tonight is 9pm, due to work commitments.

Can't edit heading for typos.

My DH and I slept separately for years, I think it saved our marriage. When he was diagnosed with sleep apnea and got a CPAP he moved back in.

Sorry but sleeping next to a snorer is a kind of hell. I used to say FFS and get them too roll away from me. You NEED separate rooms

Sleep mask will sort the blinds issue.

Seriously @fastingforweightloss you are being such a ridiculous hanky-clutching martyr here.

So you're sad about sleeping in a single bed at age 56. Hoping he will notice? He will not notice, no matter how much you seethe about it, unless you tell him. You would need to actually tell him and not hint at it too.

Apart from that, why are you are clearing up after him like he's a child, cooking and washing for him like he's a child, all the while seething and hoping one day he will notice? He will never notice.

Many of the issues you have could be solved if you weren't so passive-aggressive, but you seem to have internalised a strange set of rules about how you ought to live, rather than noticing what it is you need in order to be happy, and doing that.

Good luck in your future relations. Perhaps I am in a minority but I couldn't live like this.

Also @saffy2 do you have separate rooms? If not why not

I'd also turn your phone off at night or switch to silent so texts from neighbours don't wake you up. I I'd say the only thing sleeping in separate rooms signifies is that you need a good night's sleep. But you do seem to think that sharing a bed with a man is some kind of social symbol...do you think all people who sleep alone are a loser?

We don’t have a spare room as we have 3 kids at home. He slept on the sofa for about 2.5/3 years while we had little ones. The snoreze mouth guard has changed things drastically and so we are now sharing a room and things are not as dire anymore.
my point was that there are solutions out there, but just ignoring the issue from
both ends (they both snore) is a bit silly. We tried lots of things, and then opted to have him sleep
on the sofa. The sleep consultant was the one who told us about mouth guards and said they’re very effective. And it has worked for us 👍🏼 so no need for separate rooms for us at the moment.

Urgh stop being such a fucking martyr and take some control. You've moved your stuff into the spare room but instead or seeing it as a positive step you see it as a negative. Stop being so poor me and start sorting stuff out for yourself. Get the blind fixed or get someone in to do it. Doesn't sound like your hard up so maybe reassess your priorities.

I second this. You also said you couldn't sleep in the spare room as the mattress was so old, (before me ruining the day bed), but then told us you've got loads of money, so why couldn't you just throw some money at the issue to fix it? You don't have to make your husband his sandwiches for work, he's a grown man. Just leave his laundry and let him do it.

I agree wholeheartedly with this post. When I read that you are financially comfortable, that is immediately what I thought. Spend some money on making your new room your haven - new blinds, double bed, etc. Your sleep is precious.

Dont see moving into your own room as “the beginning of the end” - there’s already deep resentment, aggression and no sex in your marriage - this can only improve things. Lots of couples have separated bedrooms as well - for reasons like snoring, etc. I can bet once you’ve had a few nights sleeping alone you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it earlier!

Same here.

Same here. It's a great solution, you can still have a happy marriage. Plus the benefit of a good night's sleep.

And the ED. Christ, you don’t even get a good shag from this awful relationship.

You both need earplugs. They were a lifesaver when I was married.

Is that why you won’t divorce because you equate sleeping alone with “being a loser”?

I couldn't agree more. That's exactly what we do.

Oh dear it’s time for separate rooms and soon otherwise it’s going to be separate houses before long.

How healthy are you both OP? It's sounds like alcohol is a big factor where he is concerned. My husband was a heavy snorer & constantly in the spare room, but has lost weight, cut down on his boozing does more exercise & hardly ever snores now. It's worth looking at both your lifestyles maybe..

What a loser

No! Reframe it as "What a winner -- how lucky to have my own space where I can sleep like a princess."

Sleeping apart doesn't mean you'll never get into bed with each other again 😉

Both of you getting some proper kip will also reveal whether disrespectful behaviour emerges in other areas. The pillow punching was horrible, OP.

I know you say it's dark when you go to bed and when you get up, but just to give yourself more privacy in the princess suite, you could attach privacy film to the glass and/or use a spring-loaded tension rod inside the window frame and hang a some pretty fabric. Or attach adhesive Velcro strips to the window frame and a piece of fabric that you can take down in the day.

Enjoy your lovely sleep tonight!

Only her DH isn’t interested in losing weight or getting fitter or even cutting down on his alcohol consumption from what the OP has said.

Sorry but he sounds like a tool to me. I'm in a relationship where we never swear at each other. We are more likely to joke about stuff like snoring and other irritants. Sorry, I have no great advice.

I wake my husband to tell him to stop snoring 😂 He’s terribly polite though, and will apologise.

I think you two would benefit from separate rooms.

So he drinks too much and has double standards.
Yuck, I'd dump

I don’t know why you think separate bedrooms is the beginning of the end? Surely it’s better if you both sleep?

He then falls back to sleep, facing away from me, but shortly rolls so that he is facing me (well, my back), and proceeds to snore into my ear for an hour,

You should have woken the fucker up!

Is he selfish in other aspects too?

If yes, dump the fucker and get a divorce.

We both drink too much, tbh. Just to say though, he NEVER drinks the night before an early shift. I think a PP was worried about drink/driving - defo not an issue.

We are both overweight. I am trying to lose some, and have lost 13lb since April. I used to drink every night, now I have 4 nights on water only. I have also moved to a clean diet (salad, eggs, chicken, prawns, salmon, mackerel, veggies etc, with NO sugary snacks). He is not wanting to join me on this, and still has lots of bread, crisps etc. Crisps is a real problem, imo, he often has about 5 bags during the day, and sometimes a 700 cal family bag after I have gone to bed. Getting off topic, lol.