Woekn up at 3.13am, by DH saying "Fuck's sake"

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Apparently I was snoring. So he says "fucks sake" out loud, whilst turning on his side noisily. Definitely designed to wake me up. He knows I struggle to get back to sleep, if woken at that time. Small argument ensued, where I am told not to lie on my back. So essentially, this means lying on my side all night, facing the wall, not being able to move around to get comfy. That would be hard enough, but I have something wrong with my upper arms right now (dull ache), so lying on my side is not that comfy as it squashes my arms. He then falls back to sleep, facing away from me, but shortly rolls so that he is facing me (well, my back), and proceeds to snore into my ear for an hour, before I just call it quits and get up (at 4.20am) and get dressed. Now sitting in the dining room, and I am fuming.

For some context, just last week, he woke me up several times in the night. He sometimes gets in from work at 11pm, and has a bottle of wine to unwind. He then gets into bed around 3am, falls into a coma and snores loudly. But that's ok? Seems like a huge double standard to me.

He also has form for drinking on his days off, falling asleep on the sofa with the TV on, and then I have to get up at say 1am, to turn everything off, then I'm woken again when he rolls into bed at 5am. Yes, I have posted about this before if anyone thinks it sounds familiar.

It's now 4.47am, I have a long day ahead of me. Earliest I can go to bed tonight is 9pm, due to work commitments.

Can't edit heading for typos.

Buy one of these for the TV and set it to always turn off at 1am and on again at 7am.

www.amazon.co.uk/TP-LINK-Tapo-Wireless-Required-P100/dp/B07Z942YWS

I can sympathise with you, when my husband snores it can wake the dead, it’s so annoying. He says I snore too, but it’s certainly not as often as him.
i however am a devil, and I don’t wake him up now as it can get into a row we both don’t need, so I hold his nose until he wakes himself up. I feign sleep then. He turns over and all is quiet.
if you both snore so loudly separate rooms is probably best as you both seem to have different sleep patterns anyway, with him drinking before bed it does make it worse as they fall into a deeper sleep.you need to have that chat and get another bed sorted.

How exactly does OP “not come out of this well”? She doesn’t wake him up when he’s snoring, she just suffers through it

Any of the behaviours you describe here would be the 'beginning of the end' for me - you really think it's healthier for you both to be so angry in bed that you're punching pillows and getting angrily dressed at 4am than just having separate bedrooms?!?! Ludicrous!!

Separate rooms. Only way.

Also is he driving firstvthing in the morning? He could still be over the legal limit.

Your posts are full of contempt for your husband yet you’re worried about separate rooms? I couldn’t imagine talking about him in those terms, love his company but we sleep in separate rooms. I don’t like his snoring, it wakes me up. So we have a practical solution-we still find plenty of time in bed together but for sleeping it’s separate. Could you not have a sensible conversation with your husband-none of this ‘beginning of the end’ nonsense. For me, beginning of the end would be the drinking, crisps and dirty mouth. If you don’t have sex, what’s the obsession about sleeping in the same bed anyway? You say you have loads of money-why do you have to put up with your daughter’s old bed? Redecorate, buy the best bed and mattress you can and enjoy some sleep. It might make you see each other on a new light.

You say that separate rooms signifies the beginning of the end (which i do understand as a concern) but the reality is, you're at the point already. The pair of you are no longer aligned (assuming you were are some point) you've both lost the ability to have a kind and sensible conversation about sleep, a really crucial part of life for everyone's wellbeing. You've displayed a lot of resentment, and his behaviour suggests the same for you (or perhaps complacency towards you rather than resentment). My point being, the problem exists and is significant, sraying the the same room doesn't make the problem not real.

You need separate bedrooms. Maybe in separate houses.

Sleep apnea? See your gp.

I wake my husband up sometimes if he snores, but not hastily. He is a good sleeper though, so just rolls over and goes back to sleep. I only do it if its ugly snoring though.

He sounds like a prize prick.

You passed the beginning of the end a long time ago. His behaviour is vile and you are losing respect for him. You need to change a lot of things if you don't want to be at the end of the end - both of you.

To add, splitting where you sleep and still not actually addressing the problem of how you both feel bout each other will also not solve the issue.

My DH works shifts, so sometimes we dont sleep in the same room. Its not in any way come from a place of negative feelings. It came from a place of love from both of us. He sleeps in the spare room on some days so that I dont have to creep around when hes asleep really early in the evenings and I sleep in the spare room sometimes to allow him the darker room when he has to be asleep in the day. We both look forward to the days when we do share a bed. In no way is it the 'beginning of the end' is two people being kind and considerate to each other.

Sounds like you're married to a man with a drink problem and maybe even a narcissist!

Snoring is absolutely awful. I have sympathy with your partner because when an ex snored it used to give me the rage.

Try and understand each other's perspective.

We often sleep separately as a good sleep is more important than anything. I often have nightmares and will wander or be frantic so no point us both having a shit sleep.

Nailed it to a T

I don't understand people who saying it's the beginning of the end if they sleep in separate bedrooms. Me and my DH have been sleeping in separate bedrooms due to our different sleeping patterns. We have a good and active sex life. We are well rested and happy. What will be the end is continuing to sleep in the same bed when you can see that it's clearly not working out. I don't even know who came up with this thing that couples should sleep in one bed everyday.

I haven't slept next to my husband for 5 years. Still love him. But also love sleeping. All good here.

Would you not do exactly the same tell the snorer to shut up? Lack of sleep is awful.

I know a couple who sleep apart for this reason and it works well.

Punching the pillow next to your face is really aggressive, as is the "Fuck's sake!"

If either of us is snoring, it's a prod with "Shush" and whoever was the perpetrator turns over with "Sorry."

I suppose lack of sleep can make anyone uncharacteristically angry in the middle of the night. You sound as though you're happy with him generally, so as long as these are not signs of general disrespect, separate rooms might be the solution. You could try it and see, but watch out. I literally can't imagine DH ever treating me like this, sleep deprived or not.

Op isn't the one downing a bottle of wine at 23:00 and then climbing into bed at 3am

These things are not the same.

If you have plenty of money why does one of you have to sleep in crappy spare room.
Surely you buy a new bed etc and make sure that both of you have a comfortable room to sleep in.

That's utterly shit! Your DH should have let you sleep. How selfish of him, esp as you're working so hard and he has been off! Unreal!