Is it really true that some people just ‘ can’t remember dates’? Very upset right now

[BarbaraVineFan]

My DD’s 6th birthday is coming up. I was gobsmacked today to be asked the date of her birthday by my exH (her dad!!). He know the month but not the day… Is this at all normal?! He always used to say he was bad with dates, and that’s the excuse he gave today, but SURELY you remember your own child’s birthday? I’m so upset with him.

My DH is the same!

I voted yabu because yes, some people are rubbish with dates. However, if you are rubbish with dates, then you put them in your phone calendar so he's definitely unreasonable not to do that.

Depends on the rest of their relationship. Distant and uninterested, I'd be pissed off. Reliable, devoted and invested - I'd laugh it off.

My husband is bad with dates and has forgotten my birthday in the past. He doesn't forget the kids though.

My partner can't remember if our son was born on the 22nd or 23rd and was definitely there. Plus he is only 2. Also can't remember the date of my birthday. We met in 2014.

I don't remember whether DHs birthday is the 16 or 18 of the month, and we have been married 20 years. He often forgets the exact day of mine although he knows kind of when it is.

I help with memberships for a local club. I am no longer surprised when a dad has to check their DH/DD's date of birth as it is not an uncommon occurence.

I am awful with dates because they are numbers and my brain struggles to process numbers. I have to think hard to get my dcs full dates of birth right sometimes.

OP, the fact that he asked shows he wants to get it right for his daughter on her birthday. You would have reason to be upset if he forgot completely, but he didn’t.

My dad not only doesn’t know my birthday but every year thinks it’s a different date.

i also once got my daughters birthday confused and celebrated on the wrong day.

providing he’s great in other areas I don’t think it’s a big deal.

but good idea to suggest he puts it in his phone. I should try that!

I mean, he's your ex. So he's (presumably) a bit of a dick.

I'm not good with dates or numbers, but I manage to remember my DCs birthdays.

I wouldn't be 'upset' about it. I'd be grateful he's not your problem anymore. I'd probably have said, 'Dunno - I can't remember either' to him. I wouldn't be doing the wife work any longer.

Sadly, he is in the former category. Has chosen to live in a different country. Sees her maybe once or twice a year in the flesh, every week for about 15 minutes on video chat.

Not unusual for me. I have to pretty much calculate my DCs' birthdays (especially year) every year, and I gave birth to them! I'm just not good with numbers.

There’s being bad with dates but then there’s being generally disorganised and not having it written down somewhere. Surely if you’re bad with dates you make sure you have your own child’s birthday written somewhere

I regularly have to ask for DOB of any children in my job and you’d be utterly staggered by the amount of men who do not know/are unsure of their DCs birthdays.

It happens wildly too often.

I can also never remember which year we got married. Thought our 19th was our 20th.

YANBU. Why do women have to constantly carry this kind of mental load? What would happen if you couldn’t remember? Would her birthday go unacknowledged? Just take a guess on the date? If he’s that bad with dates that he can’t remember his own daughter’s birthday for SIX YEARS, then he needs to get a diary, a calendar or put a note in his phone or something. Ridiculous man-child behaviour. Message back saying: “Oh dear, I can’t remember either - what shall we do?!”

Do none of you just have calendars? And reminders in your phones?

No reason to be rubbish with dates when you carry around a phone all the time! Just laziness and massively sloping shoulders, expecting someone else to remember for him.

Saying that I almost forgot my sisters birthday - I knew the date but forgot that that day of the week was that date. (Does that make sense?). But that a slip of just that morning rather than a total forget

It's very easy to add a birthday to the calendar on a phone and set it to repeat every year. It's ridiculous for anyone to forget their child's birthday but even moreso now we have technology that can remember for us.

My father got his own birthday wrong once, and was always getting the date of my birthday and his anniversary mixed up (same month, different days).

I think some people are just bad with dates.

Unfortunately some folk really do struggle.
He could write it down or put it in his phone calendar, but at least he is asking so that he is prepared.

He sounds like a selfish, uncaring arsehole and an utterly terrible father. You are not being unreasonable to be angry and disappointed but he isn't going to change. I hope your daughter doesn't get upset.

I used to do a job where I had to ask parents their kids' dates of birth for a form. The mums never hesitated. Dads, on the other hand. The number of dads who don't know when their own children were born is crazy! They'd be mildly panicked by the question, looking through their phones, or asking the kids when their birthdays were. I probably filled out hundreds of these forms and never had a mum who had to stop and think about a child's DOB, but I'd say the Dads were 50/50. At least. Maybe even 60% of them were initially unsure. Insane!

No it’s bollocks.

I’m crap with dates which is why I have a wall calendar and use my phone calendar.

I would never forget my own child’s bday because at least a month before I am thinking about presents and activities etc for the day.

If he lives in a different area I assume he would have tried to book AL and flights etc well in advance - or is it more likely that he just doesn’t give a shit.

Thank goodness she has 1 decent parent.

People remember dates which are important to them. That's all you need to know. For some people, birthdays etc just aren't thag big a deal. For others, their own relevant dates are important but other people's birthdays are not. There are probably men who can remember the date of every big win their football team have ever had but not their own kids' birthdays.