Is it really true that some people just ‘ can’t remember dates’? Very upset right now

[BarbaraVineFan]

My DD’s 6th birthday is coming up. I was gobsmacked today to be asked the date of her birthday by my exH (her dad!!). He know the month but not the day… Is this at all normal?! He always used to say he was bad with dates, and that’s the excuse he gave today, but SURELY you remember your own child’s birthday? I’m so upset with him.

Yep. It’s another one of those things having a
penis gets in the way of….dangling away there between your fingers and the diary on your phone….

DP took years to remember DC2's birthday. To be fair it's a date that never really resonates with me either and I'm very good with remembering birthdays.

Feel terrible saying that but other 2 DC have easy to remember birthdays (one shares a birthday with a close family member and the other one has a really "round" birthday - think 22nd of 2nd (month) 2022)

YANBU. If he knows he’s rubbish with dates, he can write them in his phone calendar like everyone else. You’re not his PA anymore.

If you're a competent adult who knows that you're rubbish with dates, you put everything in your calendar - these days your phone calendar synched to all your devices.

There is no excuse for forgetting your own child's birthday these days with all the aids available to compensate for being forgetful - unless he is actually disabled enough not to be able to use strategies like using a calendar with reminders due to a brain injury, or tumour or something, or is cognitively impaired?

Common. I used to work in travel and wish I had £1 for every Man booking flights who had to go ask his Wife for the family dates of birth.

My Dad can't even remember my birth month. He's very lovely but doesn't really engage his brain much

I have raging (medicated) ADHD and my life is ruled by the calendar and reminders in my phone.

It’s such an easy workaround, there’s basically no excuse to forget birthdays 😬

My DH can’t even remember my birthday.

He's a deadbeat. Forget him.

Yes - DH is like this. He just about consistent knows DS (21!) birthday now. He doesn’t know his parent’s birthdays. He knows loads of phone numbers from memory though! He has birthdays set up as reminders though - so if you ask him someone’s birthday he will prob get it wrong but he won’t forget it as he has reminders set up.

I’m awful at birthdays. Terrible. My best friend since primary school? I know the week but couldn’t tell you the day. Only remember my husband’s and my mum’s because they’re on the same day. DS’s I often tend to mix up what would have been his due date and his actual date of birth.

I can’t remember phone numbers or house numbers either - they just don’t stick in my head.

I always have to think about my daughter's DOB.
I get confused about my partner's DOB (27 or 22?).
Neither my husband or I ever remember when we got married, not just the date but the year. I think it's 20 years next year? Maybe 19.

I’m really, really bad with dates and I’ve messed up a couple of times. But I use several tools to ensure it doesn’t happen again!

We have to put everything in a shared diary, my husband is rubbish with dates. He has forgotten our anniversary more than once. Has sat discussing going out …when I gently remind him it’s my birthday.
frustrating yes but now since using diary so
much easier to make plans etc.

Surely he has a phone which has a calendar? No excuse for him or anyone who has a phone

My mum never remembers my birthday or any other dates. Manages to remember her own and god forbid anyone else forgets hers!

Nope. If he's into sport and can quote random dates relating to his favourite teams, he's not bad with dates he just doesn't prioritise dates that aren't important to him.

I used to think I was bad with names until I realised that I remembered horse names but not their owners. I could look at a paddock of bay horses and know their names but the owners, who I'd meet at the same time as the horses, were just "Spot's mum". Not bad with names, just bad with names I don't care about.

Some people just don’t have a diary they look at and prioritise other people’s dates. I used to be like that in my 20s. My mum kept buying me little books with everyone’s birthdays on which I would put on a shelf and not look at. Part of it was me resenting this stuff being seen as women’s work, I don’t think my younger brother got similar books and part of it was me not caring much if people forgot my birthday as long as I had some friends to go out with

I have no clue whether this is a thing.

What is a thing however is that all smartphones have a calendar. And you can input a recurring calendar entry for a birthday with a reminder x days before.

So no excuses for not remembering dates these days

I forget my wedding anniversary.

Lots of people can’t remember dates. It’s really quite common and normal. Especially if there any neurodivergence involved.

My mother in law couldn't remember dates so carried a list of her kids birth dates in her purse

DH is amazing and lovely in every way but he wouldn’t be able to tell you his parents or brothers birthday if you paid him. He’d know the month but not the day. He does remember our DC’s but gets mixed up because two of them were born in the same month. If I asked him how old I am he would say ‘you’re 31 or 32’. But your ex does sound particularly shit tbh

I guess maybe guys don't have a excuse but I am mid 40s and my memory for dates is awful (not my own child though).

Basically me and my friends have happily all agreed that we love each other, and all our kids, but we never expect cards or even a text on the right day as the mental load is just too much when you work full time, have kids, sahm etc

i’m a woman.

I’m bad with dates. I have multiple calendars.

I never did remember our anniversary though and we were married 22 years.