Is it really true that some people just ‘ can’t remember dates’? Very upset right now

[BarbaraVineFan]

My DD’s 6th birthday is coming up. I was gobsmacked today to be asked the date of her birthday by my exH (her dad!!). He know the month but not the day… Is this at all normal?! He always used to say he was bad with dates, and that’s the excuse he gave today, but SURELY you remember your own child’s birthday? I’m so upset with him.

Poor excuse. I don’t know everyone’s birthday (Ido close friends and family) so I have it in my phone calendar. Same as anniversaries of friends parents losses etc. People have busy life’s but it takes 2 mins to put in your phone calendar and select ‘every year’ reminder.

I struggle with my DDs birth date. I gave birth to her, she’s the love of my life and she’s only primary aged. Dates just don’t stick. I couldn’t tell you the date that my favourite pets or people died recently either.

My DH love all our DC deeply and was a very involved father. However when taking any of them to A & E if I wasn't with him he would run through their full name and date of birth before leaving the car. They all thought it was hilarious and even now they are adults they tease him about his inability to remember.

I'd say 'It's the xx of xyz. This is the very last time I'm telling you, you have a calendar on your phone- use it'

I am horrendous with dates. Even though historical dates are an important part of my academics/work. Can I remember when Shakespeare was around? When the Roman empire started/fell? No, even though these are really important to me and my work and I have studied them for YEARS.

I do keep people who are important to me dates in my calendar though.

If you’re bad with dates, put reminders on your phone. Have a countdown app. Put them on a paper calendar. So many tools nowadays to remember important dates- there’s no excuse.

I often get my kids' wrong by a day or two.

They've got really "unrememorable" dates.

I'd find it much easier if they were born e.g. the 1st or last day of the month.

They're both mid month - 14th and 19th

I agree with this, and I also think that as a parent you have a duty to remember your child's birthday. I mean can you imagine if you forgot as well?

I'm bad with dates too, I think lots of people are, maybe has something to do with personality type. Eg in MBTI, if you're a "sensor: type you probably remember dates and all sorts of daily details. But if you're an "intuitive" type you probably remember all sorts of ideas and concepts but are bad at concrete things like dates etc.

However, I think even intuitive types would remember their kid's birthday. No excuse lol

Agree.

With the amount of people who have mobiles it is easy to set a reminder/ alert especially if you know you struggle with dates. Heck, even Moonpig allows you to do it if you have an account with them.

I forgot my DD’s birthday today (it’s not her actual birthday, needed to write ot down in a form). Luckily I have it saved in my calender. I’ve also forgotten my wedding anniversary. It’s definitely not a lack of love or anything like that.

Yup DH is amazing at remembering dates and previous addresses etc. but he can’t remember that he’s already watched a movie. I’m the exact opposite of him .

Interesting - how often do the mums have to?

I feel for you dealing with a man who’s decided to be mostly absent from his daughter’s life. The “bad with dates” thing may be true, but that’s why calendars and reminders exist. Presumably he does manage to use such devices to remember important events for work.

Yes. Most important documents involving children ask for their birthdays. It is usually the second thing they ask after name.

Pretty sure, I’d get a raised brow if I didn’t know my children’s birthdays.

My dad still gets muddled about which way round mine and DBs birthdays are as they’re 2 days apart (different years obviously).

He’s knows the 2 dates and how old we are but gets the 2 dates round the wrong way sometimes…. Even after 50 years!!

I’m similar, I can remember dates if asked; I always remember them a few weeks beforehand - but then completely forget them with a day or two to go.

Yeah unfortunately i can be bad with dates because of my ADHD - when im under more pressure it gets worse.

but then i can be really good with dates because of my autism.

just never know what day im gonna have.

it helps that my kids were born on their dads birthday. Less dates to remember.. although the years are still an issue 😭

if it’s any consolation.. I have PTSD (no joke) from the stuff I’ve forgotten and let my child down for when my ADHD was so bad (before diagnosis and medication). I have never felt so awful and ashamed. So I wouldn’t go in full guns blazing - he probably feels like a right pillock already. I’ve given myself such a hard time about things I’ve forgotten. Never felt like such a failure. Just highlighting the flip side.

however if he’s just an ignorant ass and is aware he is bad with dates and hasn’t done something to correct that for important days.. and he just doesn’t care.. then he’s an utter idiot.

Hands up! It’s me, I am the problem! I don’t remember ANY dates. I have three children and there DOB’s birth weights, times of birth etc just don’t stick in my head. Same with wedding and other anniversary’s and ages of people… it’s just somthing that doesn’t stay in my head. I have the children DOB (times, weights etc) saved as my screen saver and have a phone calendar FULL of reminders and entry’s for important things. I guess I’ve just learned to plan for my crapness and rely on calendar invites and reminder. (Dyslexia, dycalculer and ADD)

I did do a birthday party on wrong day for one of my children ! Totally didn't realise until day of party. Fortunately he was too young to even care. Now I have birthdays (even my own children) and anniversaries pop up on my phone for prompts. So yes some people do forget dates

These are his own kids? He's making excuses for being a dick here, sorry. Weaponized incompetence at it's finest.
I bet he never remembers his mums or yours? You have to buy for them too? Oh, does he remember Christmas, or is that on you?

I was going to say I now forget dates - I had a roladex memory for my 6 closest friends, but draw the line at their kids (which my other female friends seem to know, much to my amusement!). Over the last year or so I've been stumped and had to rely on my calander. As any normal person would do if they had an issue with remembering dates like your husband

My DH gets years and dates muddled and recently forgot our DS's birthday.

I agree with @TaborlinTheGreat that it could be a reflection of the fact that he just doesn't care much about birthdays, as he has a massive intellect. It's partly laziness though, as I don't make a huge deal of birthdays either and yet remember all key dates for my immediate family. Maybe I fill in more forms?

I always have to concentrate when saying my DH birthday. Its 10/9 and my brain tries to but the numbers the correct way 9/10. But I can sort it in my brain it just takes a second.

I've definitely got worse at dates as I've got older. I have lots of reminders in my phone.

I am somewhat like your Ex-H. I know the day and month of our DC's and DGC's birthdays, but as for the actual year they were born, I'd need time to think.

Same as my friend. She has three adult DC and can never remember their year of birth. She has to calculate it based on other events.