Is it really true that some people just ‘ can’t remember dates’? Very upset right now

[BarbaraVineFan]

My DD’s 6th birthday is coming up. I was gobsmacked today to be asked the date of her birthday by my exH (her dad!!). He know the month but not the day… Is this at all normal?! He always used to say he was bad with dates, and that’s the excuse he gave today, but SURELY you remember your own child’s birthday? I’m so upset with him.

I’ve voted YABU because yes, some of us massively struggle with dates. I need reminders in at least five different places (work calendar, personal calendar, wall calendar, notes function on my phone, Hip app, piece of paper) - I‘ll probably still forget. Likewise with responding to texts. However, I try to make up for it by being super-involved and committed in the relationship in question. Doesn’t sound like the ex-H is the same - I’m sorry, OP. That’s rubbish for you and your daughter!

My kids dad is the same it’s more common than you think

And all these people saying 'if it were important to him he'd know' are completely wrong. That's not how it works at all. Sometimes things get ingrained in your head because you are using them every day or often see reference to them for many years..
But a child birthday is something which only happens once a year and also won't have happened for many if the child is young... so it's something less likely to be ingrained in your head actually. It has nothing to do with how much you love or care about the child.
I love my husband deeply.. still couldn't tell you the exact date of his birthday unless I was near my diary or phone calender.
And as I said I also need to keep my kids birthdays written down apart from one who was born on valentines day and so I get reminded by there being signs about when valentines day is being all over the place!!

I struggle to recall birthdays to be honest. DH also has no idea which year I was born in 😂

I have to have them in a calendar, but generally I don’t have a clue. Most of the time I know the month though.

My best friend forgot my birthday last year and I didn’t care. They love me, I know that, they are just crap with dates, as am I 😂

This. - my dad calls me every day to check in and is an incredible father. He couldn’t tell you when my birthday is.

My dad never remembered the date of my or my siblings birthdays. Now he has it in his phone calendar but I'm definitely not offended by it. He once had to take me to a&e and couldn't tell them my dob (I was about 8 and told them myself).

I don't see it as a reflection of his love and care for me.

Ok so yes I find it really hard to remember a combination of numbers and letters. I have to pause to remember and need a weird little saying in my head that I made up to remember my DH birthday! But I absolutely wouldn’t forget DH or child’s birthday. Too much technology at our hands to allow for that.

They can know dates if they want. They just simply don’t care enough to put the effort in to remind themselves ie by putting it on their phone. That’s the crux of it - not a priority for them as they are just not that bothered.

I hope you told him that the days of being his unpaid personal assistant were over and he needs to sort his own shit out now.

Both me and dh have to think very hard and often debate when ds birthday is. He was due on x date and born the day before, always confuses us. It doesn't help that ds 12 also cant remember his date of birth (we think that's his dyslexia).

Thanks all. I suppose it is a valid argument in that case, but it just adds to my general sense that he doesn’t prioritise her.

This is absolutely not just a useless male thing. My brain just does not do dates/ years.
I actually put on FB last month that my 'Baby' had turned 20, how was that possible? and the first friend pointed out that it really wasn't as she was born in 2006!! Whoops 🤭 I don't know how old I am without going back to my year of birth and doing the maths.
However, I have a birthday calendar and providing I remember to look at it fairly regularly I manage to wing it. My DH is even worse as he is similarly scatty but also grew up in a family where there was not much fuss on birthdays. He was often booked on work trips over our kids birthdays and was away at a conference for his own 50th. Completely oblivious😂

My XH can't remember the dates of any of the kids birthdays. While we were still married he had to ring me once for their dates, so he could put them on a form at work. Now they are adult they tend to remind him of each other's birthdays to avoid the awfulness of him remembering two and forgetting one (I have three that were born within six weeks, he doesn't tend to forget the two outliers).

It's because he doesn't care enough to remember. It doesn't affect HIM, so why bother? (A factor that was part of the demise of our marriage).

Oh don’t be ridiculous. I had to check with my husband the actual date of a birthday coming up with my dc. Brain freeze over the exact day.

Trust me I put plenty of effort in. There is more to parenting than trilling off dates.

MN judgy frothing at its finest. 🙄

My dad is like this and has been for decades. He can remember the month usually but not the date. Whenever it is one of my children's birthdays I always have to tell him it's coming up. For my own, I don't bother.

My dad doesn’t know any of our birthdays. He knows the month and the general date, but not the actual date. Considering one of my brothers is 45, I’d say it’s definitely a thing!

I just don't remember birthdays. I'll buy gifts ahead of time, the night before I'll think of it. But morning of my mind is a blank and Facebook will remind me that it's my DH's or mum's birthday. Thank goodness for Facebook.
Our anniversary is not even on my radar.

Yeh it’s shit he can’t remember the date but some people are rubbish with dates. I remember dates of things and usually think about them weeks in advance and then it’ll come to the week of the date and I’ll think oh crap I need to get something for X birthday.
At least he thought to ask you rather than let it pass and ignore the birthday

Can’t be bothered to remember, more like! Some people set the bar so very low. If you can’t remember these days, set a phone reminder or use an old school diary. It’s amazing that people (men) can’t remember the important family dates but are fine when it comes to sport, the FA cup final team eons ago etc… Selective memory - not arrractive!

My dad would always need reminding of when my siblings birthdays were, the only reason he remembered mine is because it's December 25th, so pretty hard to forget really.

Exactly this. There’s no excuse to ‘forget’ any dates.

You're not wrong to be pissed off as he sounds shit, but my DH who is a very present father still blanks on the boys' birthdays sometimes.

My DH has no clue when our kids' birthdays are, and two of them have the same one...

Dh is bad but he saves them in his phone and has moonlight reminder thingy

I’m the first born, my dad has never been able to remember my birthday. He always remembers my sister’s, but to be fair hers is on the summer solstice. So he’s crap at remembering the day on which I was born - he knows the month but tends to get it a couple of days wrong. But is he a brilliant dad. A man I can always turn to? Someone kind, generous, with a wicked sense of humour and bags of integrity? Yes he is. So I don’t really care all that much if he can’t quite put his finger on my birthdate.