Is it really true that some people just ‘ can’t remember dates’? Very upset right now

[BarbaraVineFan]

My DD’s 6th birthday is coming up. I was gobsmacked today to be asked the date of her birthday by my exH (her dad!!). He know the month but not the day… Is this at all normal?! He always used to say he was bad with dates, and that’s the excuse he gave today, but SURELY you remember your own child’s birthday? I’m so upset with him.

To date - never.

I'm the same. I have date blindness. I also have ADHD and it's a common problem
I need it written I to my calender with a yearly reminder otherwise I will never remember

I find it really sad so many people are saying it's normal for a father to not know the birthday of their own child.

My dad didn’t know my birthday but I didn’t know his either. He’s dies now but we were close but we were casual about birthdays. If he hadn’t called me on my birthday I’d call him. It wasn’t a problem in any way. Him not remembering my birthday didn’t mean he didn’t love me. I generally remember peoples birthdays now because my phone reminds me.

I think some people are amazing with dates, some bad and some loose it with age.

i use to be brilliant with numbers and dates but then started to loose it, now I’m terrible.

My Dad who was hands on always around could never remember my birthday, I think he became lazy because my mother was someone who always knew everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.

Even though I can still remember my high school crush and friends from schools birthdays I could never ever remember my ex-Hs birthday. It was only after we broke up it I suddenly remembered it, very random 🤷‍♀️ These days I’m very much have an idea of when but not exact date.

I regularly get my children’s birthdays wrong when asked and have even celebrated on the wrong day.

Im usually really good when I can associate a date e.g my DSis is 2nd April, I remember because it’s the day after April fools day. I remember a school mums birthday every year because it’s the date my Nan died and so on..

Everyone on here who finds dates tricky has found a solution - phone, wall calendar, moonlight etc.

This man’s solution is to simply shrug and expect someone else to do it for him.

No excuse whatsoever!!! He's got a mobile phone I expect, put memorable dates in it with a reminder. Get him a calendar and before you give it to him write birthdays etc on it, with a reminder a week before GET A CARD AND PRESENT.
I'm OAP and have people say how do you remember everyones birthdays, wedding anniversarys etc ??? Easy, every new year I write them all on my calendar before I bin my old one. Not rocket science is it?

I know the dates I've always known, so e.g I can remember my parent's and my sister's birthdays, but most other people I have an idea of when in the year they fall but would have to look them up for the actual date, which of course, I do have written down!

Idk

Im willing to believe that some people just can’t remember dates. Like some people genuinely can’t recognise faces, some have a lifetime struggle with being on time, with managing money etc

But with dates there’s an easy work around which is to put it in your phone’s calendar. So perhaps say to him that you’re telling him now, and expect that he will put it in his calendar and remember next year.

DH is like this - he's not diagnosed but he has a lor of dyslexic and ADHD traits so I put it down to that. If I ask him on the spot what date my birthday is he gets a panicked look on his face, and has to think about it for a minute or two to get it. And even when he puts dates in his diary, he doesn't seem to clock the amount of time that he needs in advance to send a card, for example, so everyone's cards are always late (if they get one).

He often asks me what date he is doing something, even if it's something I am not going to myself, as he just can't keep the dates in his mind. When he first said he wasn't good with dates I used to think he was just being lazy about it, but he gets frustrated with himself, so I don't think it's that. I am very vocal about my birthday for weeks in advance!!

IMO, the question isn’t so much around whether people can remember dates - some people are better than others but most people might forget dates, especially if busy/stressed. If it’s important for you to remember particular dates, then that’s what a diary/calendar is for (either paper or electronic). I know I’m not great at remembering dates, so I have a calendar with notifications on my phone.

The real issue is when people (often men in my experience) can’t be bothered to keep a diary/calendar for things outside of work and think it’s someone else’s job (generally a woman) to remind them. I’m sure if they needed to remember a date for work then they would make sure it was recorded in a calendar so they didn’t get sacked, but outside of work they’re suddenly just helpless. I’m not sure if they actually think other people (women) are just magically better at remembering dates, or they just know they can get away with weaponised incompetence. Probably a bit of both.

I would advise them to keep a personal diary like a grown up and that it’s not your job to remind them of dates. Remind them this time and say you won’t be doing so again.

People regularly can't find my children on their systems when we go for appointments, because I always get their birthdays wrong.

I often forget birth dates. Had an embarrasing occasion last year when I was contacting the hospital about DD1 and I was insisting her birthday was on a different day to the one it actually was. I had to be reminded by my husband. So it's not just dads! It doesn't mean they don't care.

It’s true, some people are rubbish with dates me included. No idea of today’s date either without checking. I had to check the date of my own wedding, it’s not even a year yet but I know the leaves were falling! It’s now in my diary!

I remember my son and daughters birthdays. The wife of one of my daughters as well.

My Wedding anniversary? Nope 😂

If you cant remember the date of kids birthday you are a shit parent.

I struggle with dates a lot. I can remember my mother's birthday because it's a major holiday, and my late OHs because it's a double number (think 5th of the 5th) but I can never remember my dad's as there is nothing unique about it.

Tell him to set up a calendar with all the important ones in and to set reminders 3 weeks before, 2 weeks, 1 week and the day before. It helps a lot.

It’s operant to remember when we’re talking about men just not being able to do this or that is that in the vast majority of cases they can put oil in their cars, remember their football training dates, learn the offside rule, maintain their Strava profiles, hold down a job……..

DH was asked by DS if he knew the date of his birthday. He gave DD's birthday as his answer. When told that was DD's birthday, the closest DH could get was the month

My ex not only got ds' birthday wrong but he chose a card with the wrong age on. 🙄

A lot of people are just too selfish to take the trouble to check.

DF is like this.

In his case it's "I don't need to remember as a woman will remind me". Sadly DM died so now he just "forgets" everything.

I remember my own DCs’ birthdays (although one is eg ‘08/09/2012’ and I do have to take a moment and check myself to make sure I don’t say 09/08/2012!). However, my nieces and nephews, my aunt and even my DP of 2.5 years I’m always hesitant (he had to check mine yesterday too, so I don’t feel too bad about that!)

I have ADHD and spend my life feeling guilty that I’ve forgotten something important. I usually have, so its almost a relief when I realise what it is! 90% of birthday cards I buy are sent late or not at all. I hate myself for it.

My DCs distant uninvolved father took me to Court wanting increased contact and wrote this amazing (fictional) statement about his relationship and interactions with the children that made him look like dad of the year. On said statement he got the children's dates of birth wrong and one of them's age wrong. Pointing that out in Court was a satisfying moment in otherwise miserable Court proceedings.

I voted YABU because my memory is shocking.

These days I have to set reminders (alarms) to go off an hour/half hour before the thing because there's a huge chance I'll forget.
I'm 48 with ADHD, perimenopause and 2 DC 7 and 11.
My brain hasn't stopped overthinking everything and more for pretty much all of my life that I think it's just done now.

I danced for 19 years and now I can't remember routines, half an hour after I've left the class.

I'd like to think I'll never forget my kids birthdays though although sometimes I get their names wrong 🫣🤷🏼‍♀️

But you are actually doing something about it ( setting reminders) like some on here who are bad with dates.

OP’s ex knows he is bad with dates but seems to just shrug and does nothing about it.

The effort is the difference.