to think that after 20-odd years, my SIL could remember my birthday?

[MaskAndMartini]

I am generally not an 'all about me' person, but it was my birthday recently and I felt a bit ignored by my SIL1. I suspect she doesn't like me. For instance, a few years after our DS was born, the other SIL2 (golden child) had a baby. SIL2 posted on Facebook, "I'm an auntie!". Well, technically, she was already an auntie. To our DS.

Anyway, I don't usually make a big fuss about my birthday, but it is nice if people remember me and send a text at least. I always remember everyone else's birthdays. But from SIL1 - nothing. I'm a bit hurt, actually.

DH is helping her quite a bit at the moment, with moving and stuff. Not relevant I guess, but we are in contact.

AIBU?

With DH nearly 30 years, never had a b.day card or text of his sibling. Some people just don’t think these things are important I suppose and don’t think people will be bothered not to have one because they aren’t fussed themselves.
My own siblings are petty lax tbh, whereas I always send cards/gifts early to make sure they are their before their b.day.
People are different. I no longer choose feel hurt because that’s just the way they are 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thanks @OhTheProblemIsDefinitelyMe . The thing is, she seems to remember everyone else's birthdays. Also, in 20+ years, we have NEVER been out for dinner for my birthday with the family. But plenty of times for DH's parents and SIL. No-one bothers for me.

what does your dh say about this?
has he ever asked his sister why she hasn't aknowledged (a) his child's arrival in the world? (b) his partner's bday?

I don't think I've ever sent (or received) a happy birthday text to my two SILs and we have a very good relationship. Maybe she's just not a birthday person.

I would hate to be expected to remember someone's birthday, outside of my kids, husband and my mum. It's just not something that I think is important. I don't expect birthday texts/cards from others either.

I wouldn’t mind if she ‘forgot’ everyone else’s, but it’s only me she forgets.

I’m 30 years married. I think I know the months of most of the Sil/bil birthdays but have no idea of the actual dates. They’ve never acknowledged my birthday either.
If anyone was having a ‘Do’ for a decade birthday we’d all get a present though, probably! If you want them to celebrate more you need to get your DH to organise a dinner or something.

How do you know? If she's just sending birthday messages to her siblings and parents, then that's pretty standard, isn't it?

I don't send or receive birthday messages from in-laws.

I do t send or receive any birthday messages from my in laws.

himself is one of 7 and I couldn’t tell you when they have their birthdays. That is his department.

we would go to a zero celebration that’s it.

I've always remembered my B-I-L (X2)'s birthdays over nearly 30 years, and sent a greeting in some way (card or msg). Nothing back, ever. Absolutely nothing. So this year I didn't send anything. 🖕😃

Why don’t you arrange a family dinner then? We do family birthday dinners but the onus is on the birthday person and or their partner to organise.

MIL is usually very involved in organising birthday dinners and recommending restaurants. Unless it’s me, then - nothing.

why would your MIL organise your birthday dinner?

Does mil organise birthday events for her sons-in-law? If so, yes, she doesn't care about you.

@BramStoner not asking her to, but at least reach out to the rest of the family. We made such an effort for her recent big birthday: beautiful restaurant, loads of presents, completely spoiled her. My big birthday: nothing. In fact, nothing for any of my birthdays. Yet if we forgot hers or FIL, there would be Hell to pay.

She doesn’t have any sons-in-law. Neither of her DDs is marrried.

I have never acknowledged my BIL's birthday in 12 years. Don't even know what day it is.

Stop making such an effort. If you act like a doormat, you’ll get treated like one. Who cares if there would be hell to pay. Like what can she actually do? 🤷‍♀️

Does he remember and acknowledge yours?

Maybe it’s different expectations. I think it’s quite common for in laws not to make a big thing of your birthday. I literally couldn’t tell you when my SIL’e birthday is and I’m sure she couldn’t tell you mine. We get on well 🤷‍♀️

Maybe let your DH take the lead on organising things for his family.

Stop all birthday cards and presents to SIL! Just ignore her!

I’m a mil. Twice. I’ve never organised a birthday dinner for my Son in law or daughter in law

And you’ve sat for 20years not saying anything and going along clapping and celebrating everyone else, so who can blame them? You’ve let them know it’s ok that you don’t get a fuss too. And let me guess, you still wish your SIL even though she doesn’t bother. Don’t be a mug, you’ve been one for 2 decades.

@BramStoner thats not the same at all. MIL makes a huge effort to remind all members of the family when other members of the family’s birthdays are coming up. Then liaises with the other members of the family for the birthday dinners. Except for mine.

It hurts even more because we live in their country and all my family are far away in my country.

Honestly just stop organising anything for them!

Unless you're particularly close I wouldn't expect a SIL or BIL to independently acknowledge my birthday, nor mine theirs, unless it was a big birthday and/or there was a party or something.