to think that after 20-odd years, my SIL could remember my birthday?

[MaskAndMartini]

I am generally not an 'all about me' person, but it was my birthday recently and I felt a bit ignored by my SIL1. I suspect she doesn't like me. For instance, a few years after our DS was born, the other SIL2 (golden child) had a baby. SIL2 posted on Facebook, "I'm an auntie!". Well, technically, she was already an auntie. To our DS.

Anyway, I don't usually make a big fuss about my birthday, but it is nice if people remember me and send a text at least. I always remember everyone else's birthdays. But from SIL1 - nothing. I'm a bit hurt, actually.

DH is helping her quite a bit at the moment, with moving and stuff. Not relevant I guess, but we are in contact.

AIBU?

Do people actually care about birthday cards past age 16?

But those are presumably blood relatives? Her own parents and siblings?

My parents and brother have never taken DH out for his birthday - we go out with his family.

I know right, and the victim hood "that's ok".....
Does he invite them and they'll all decline OP?

So OP’s DH arranges a meal and doesn’t invite his family, and somehow that is his sister’s fault??

On what planet is it your husband’s sister’s job to organise your birthday party?

MIL may well organise things for her own children. If that was me I would expect you to organise something for your DH, but maybe she knows you won’t bother and is getting gradually more annoyed you leave it all to her?

Agree with this.

Why are you not content with a meal celebration with your DH & kids?

Most people would be glad not to spend their birthday with the in-laws.

Try and reframe it as a win OP and enjoy the immediate family time.

Leave the extended family organising to DH and lower your expectations.

Well, sometimes it’s his mother’s fault, too. 😀

So what's the issue? Why would your in-laws come to your birthday dinner?

I really don't get this.

Unless I’ve misinterpreted, OP is expected to celebrate their birthdays but they don’t do the same for hers or even acknowledge her birthday whatsoever.

I’m surprised people are so bad with birthdays that they don’t know the birthdays of the immediate family (parents and siblings) of their own DP after knowing them for years. How does it never occur especially if you seemingly get on so well and if memory is bad it can be written on a calendar or input in a phone.

I mean, they can expect all they want but they can't force her to celebrate.

As for remembering birthdays - we're all different. They're not a big thing in either family so it would never occur to me to have to make a note of the dates.

Just ignore hers back.

They all make a huge fuss of birthdays - just not mine.

The thing that worries me, is that this 'she doesn't matter' attitude is starting to rub off on the DC, especially our DS. He treats me like dirt.

But anyway, I said I'm leaving it now, so I will. I'll just carry on being a mug. I must deserve it on some level, I guess.

Please don't post anymore. Thanks.

Because it’s simply not important for many people. I regard my own birthday as an annual day when I might have a meal out with DH and be given a bottle of my favourite bath oil or a rose bush by DS. Other peoole will obviously feel differently.

Don’t you think that your child treating you ‘like dirt’ is a way more important issue than whether your SIL texts you happy birthday?

Oh please don't be "that" relative.

I have one who gets deeply offended if anyone forgets his wife's birthday. It is a total pain; and it is always the one I forget!!

If the thread is upsetting you, then hide it - you can't really tell people not to post on a public forum.

It sounds like there's much more going on here than the initial post so maybe it's worth looking a bit deeper at your marriage.

I’m an only child and DH is from a large family. My policy has always been your siblings, your job to send birthday greetings! I’m good at remembering dates so I remind him and have been known to pick up cards on his behalf if he asks me, but that’s it.

I wouldn’t expect any of them to remember my birthday tbh.

How can you possibly blame In-laws not celebrating your birthday for how your son treats you?
A once a year occasion!

You said yourself DH organises a meal, you haven't answered if he invites them all and they decline.

You don't mention your DH's actions in all this.
It's taken ages for you to say he organises something.
is he disciplining your DS for his behaviour or does he treat him badly too?
Has he asked your in-laws to be involved in your birthdays and told them how you feel?

Sorry OP, agree with @warmapplepies , you're putting blame at In-laws for issues that seem deeper than a birthday celebration.

No one on here called you a mug, you're ignoring sound advice and choosing to constantly focus on the negative take.

You could be talking about me. Wouldn't occur to me to do anything about sils or bils birthdays, they are DH's responsibility. I like them well enough, quite a lot actually, but just wouldn't think to bother with a birthday text. Maybe I'm oblivious, but I wouldn't expect them to text me either.

I don’t know when my sil birthday is.

The thing is, she seems to remember everyone else's birthdays

They are MIL’s children! She gave birth to them! Of course she knows when their birthdays are. Totally different to knowing when your son’s wife’s birthday is.

I have 5 bil or sil. No clue when any of their birthdays are. To me that's for

their own families to remember, and their spouse. It's a bit trivial for adults to expect their birthdays universally remembered isn't it?

OP, it is very hurtful when you are not remembered on your birthday, especially when you are included in celebrating everybody else's birthday.

I am the same with my DH family and have long since not bothered with theirs either. If it's a big birthday I'll obviously go with my OH and kiddies to celebrate. I will also make sure the kids send/make a card and make a little video as they are very good to them.
I have just chosen not to let it bother me outside of all of that.
They do babysit for us at times so I will show appreciation for that.
But I get you, it is hurtful.

Maybe you could acknowledge that with yourself and find a way to navigate it also so that it doesn't interrupt your headspace any longer.
Also, maybe ask your husband to organise a family dinner to celebrate YOU!
Whatever you choose...good luck and wishing you a lovely birthday and spoil yourself in some nice way 💖

First world problem, aint it?