To have had enough of my friend

[Spiritofeden87]

Friend of 30 years.

She has repeatedly given me a list of her expectations from me - is always telling me what she thinks friendship should be. Has recently told me that I have not been sufficiently excited about her new house to meet her expectations.

Thing is - amongst her constantly telling me how I am not meeting her friend expectations, she’s been a terrible friend to me. Constantly critical of my life, my parenting, the things I do.

I am being ghosted at the moment for something - not quite sure yet as she hasn’t informed me what I have done wrong yet.

Aibu to have absolutely had a fucking gutful? I really have- I think I am a bit of a people pleaser but menopause has taken that a way- a lot.

She just makes me feel shit about myself and like I am waiting for the next list of things that haven’t met her expectations.

Just tell her shes a god awful person and simply tell her to fuck off?

She brings nothing to your life other than grief so let her go.

Be done. Next time she contacts you tell her that sorry she hasn't been meeting your expectations of a good friend. And then block and move on with your life.

That’s not a friend.
Get rid off her

Why would you want a friend who makes you feel shit? That's not a friend.

Just block her.
I voted YABU because you're letting her remain in your life when she doesn't enhance it in any way.

It’s interesting because I noticed this time that my immediate response was that I had done something wrong - but I haven’t! I haven’t done anything- it almost feels like I am so used to getting blamed for something that I default to ‘it must be my fault’

This is a no brainer, bin her off immediately. I can’t understand how you let it go on this long.

You really need to work on your self esteem op, nobody should be able to make you feel like this.

I think it’s because I have people pleaser tendencies!

Oh come on, why would anyone put up with this nonsense? Surely you know full well this is not 'friendship'!

I’m fortunate in that I’ve never been a people pleaser. And this isn’t a dig at you, but I find people pleasers very difficult to be around. They tend to tell you what they think you want to hear, meanwhile doing the same with everyone else. Guess what happens? The situations all clash when the PP can’t keep all the balls in the air and they end up letting you down anyway. Much more productive to be honest and straightforward with people and manage expectations realistically.

Agree with pps re block her and let it go. This is not a friendship.
But before doing that i don't think i could resist messaging and telling her what i thought of her behaviour, her demands, her selfishness. She doesn't seem to bother about your feelings after all.

Create a list for her of how she hasn’t met your friendship ’standards’.
End it with: ‘It was nice knowing you for a while, but now, BYE! 👋’

I genuinely think years of being told that I haven’t been meeting friendship expectations have made me think I am a crap person

Who has time for this shit? Block her and forget all about her, she sounds like a total drain on you.

You need to work on your boundaries OP!

I would have to write and tell her why, then I'd block her immediately afterwards.

And my self esteem I think

Look at it this way - if you're such a terrible friend, why is she still friends with you?

It's a control and manipulation technique. Walk away.

I had similar. I still, nearly 20 years later, feel sad because there were so many good things about the friendship. But she was completely unable to see anyone's perspective but her own and ultimately, it destroyed our friendship.

You deserve to please yourself too!!

Dump this person from your life! You will honestly feel like a weight has been lifted from you!

It’s not normal to lay down friendship expectations is it? I mean there’s a sort of unspoken agreement that you’ll back each other up and give what time you have but she sounds like she’s not keeping up her end. I would imagine you’re better off out of it?

I can't understand why you would have someone in your life for so long if you don't like them. Why would you be friends with someone who treats you like this?

You need to be a friend to yourself and stop bothering with her.

I'd send her message and say that she clearly has expectations that you will never meet, so let's call it a day. Block, delete and move on. Life is far to short for shit mates -and I speak from experience. My life has been so much better since I ended a friendship 8 years ago, and I have never regretted it for a moment. I too was a massive people pleaser, and one day I just reached my limit of bullshit. You'll feel much better when you've finished it.

You’re not a crap person, you’re being gaslighted by this woman who refuses to see what a lovely person you are. She’s definitely not your friend so don’t be hers .
You couldn’t possibly please this woman in a million years so I’d definitely cut her loose , you’ll really be happier without her as she brings nothing to your life other than grief . 💐