To have had enough of my friend

[Spiritofeden87]

Friend of 30 years.

She has repeatedly given me a list of her expectations from me - is always telling me what she thinks friendship should be. Has recently told me that I have not been sufficiently excited about her new house to meet her expectations.

Thing is - amongst her constantly telling me how I am not meeting her friend expectations, she’s been a terrible friend to me. Constantly critical of my life, my parenting, the things I do.

I am being ghosted at the moment for something - not quite sure yet as she hasn’t informed me what I have done wrong yet.

Aibu to have absolutely had a fucking gutful? I really have- I think I am a bit of a people pleaser but menopause has taken that a way- a lot.

She just makes me feel shit about myself and like I am waiting for the next list of things that haven’t met her expectations.

This isn’t a friend, it’s an enemy, get rid.

She sounds awful!

This is awful. Don’t put up with it anymore, she sounds like she makes you feel so bad about yourself. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who make you feel like this. If I were you I would txt her and basically tell her everything you put in that original post, tell her you are done, and tell her to f*ck off!! But that’s me….

Block her so when she finally deigns to tell you what you did wrong, she sees you’ve blocked her. She’s no friend.

OP, you don’t need this negative person in your life! She is not a true friend……..a true friend sees beyond the quirks and faults, a true friend supports and offers help and kindness……..she is simply an over-critical, overbearing monster who is sucking all the joy from your life. Tell her to fuck off and to not bother you again. Then block her and forget her.

Well stop that right away. People pleasing is not a good thing. It's not desirable to be whatever you think someone wants you to be because you're so scared they'll dislike you, even when you absolutely can't stand them. It makes a person insincere and frequently two-faced. And it means you end up in "friendships" like this because you don't let people see your true self and just always mask to what you think they want, so once you're not what they want, this happens.

To think own self be true.

I am being ghosted at the moment for something - not quite sure yet as she hasn’t informed me what I have done wrong yet.

My sister used to do this, then one day I decided I was no longer bothered.
The turn around was interesting. Sadly she decided she wanted to be my friend but I keep her at arm's length and it's great.

Sounds like she had main character syndrome and thinks she can curate the human beings around her like puppets. She's clearly adding no positivity to your life, time to set her adrift. You could do it quietly by simply not reply, or pulling away gently, or by being as forthright as her and saying "I don't think I can live up to your expectations of a friendship, so let's call it a day. Best of luck"

So similar to my sister! If you don't say something she expects you to say in a situation, like you're a bloody actor with a script, she takes offence. Got a surface level relationship now and that's fine, it's a shame but it's not my shame.

I've got an ex-friend like that. She had all sorts of expectations about what friends 'should' do. She'd keep track of our phone calls and moan if I'd left it 'too long' between calls. When I did call, she'd take up loads of time telling me about her troubles - and I didn't mind that because that's what friends are for. But as soon as I had a problem, she stopped phoning me. That's when I knew she wasn't a friend.

I think we may know the same person! She sounds toxic and a drain. SHE is not meeting the expectations of a friend - quietly exit the relationship. Don’t feel guilted into reinvesting in the friendship, the quicker you’re rid the better

This

Move on. Life is too short for this non friend pretending to be a friend. Do you really need this hassle.

The minute you realise that she is the problem and not you, you will feel a whole lot better. Life is too short to be made to feel like this. She is not a friend.

Stop wasting your life on someone who's awful to you.
She's not your friend.
Bin her off.

Friend ?? Surely not, anyone that constantly criticises you is no friend op.

If she's a friend I'd hate to see an enemy jeeze !!
Message her tell her she's an awful person an even worse friend and you don't want to speak to her again then block and move on !

Why bother with the message?

If this was someone that you were in a relationship with, you’d be advised to leave due to coercive and abusive behaviour. Just because they’re a friend doesn’t make this any less abusive. For your own self-worth, walk away.

Age is helping me realise when I’ve allowed myself to be treated badly, OP, and it’s not going to happen again. I will speak up and that’s what you should do. If you want her to have a taste of her own medicine, maybe send her a list of all the ways she’s been a poor friend to you. Otherwise, just tell her the ‘friendship’ is over and block her.

Dumpster time for this selfish weirdo, @Spiritofeden87 Think about the time you could be spending with those who love you, the books you could read, the cake you could eat, and the fun you could have if you didn't have this creature and her lists of expectations gobbling up your time and energy. She's already ghosted you; ghost her in return so that her routes back to you are cut off and she can't bother you again. You deserve so much better.

If this was a romantic partner behaving like this would you recognise it as abuse? I ended a friendship a couple of years ago when the penny finally dropped. You just don’t notice it so readily in a friendship I think. Anyway, she is absolutely not your friend, I suspect she keeps you hanging around to make herself feel superior or powerful. Please go ahead and ghost her back.

When she finally stops ghosting you and sends a text just say something like “I clearly can’t be the friend you want me to be, I’m moving on” or something like that. And then block her on everything.

I had a best friend like this for 20 years, she was always telling me what I’d done wrong… ‘wasn’t excited enough about her engagement’ (I really was but I’m not a screamer) etc etc… yet when I needed genuine support after a miscarriage or other difficult times, she was nowhere to be seen. I sacked her off. The relief has been incredible.

In your own words, she makes you feel shit about yourself. If another person told you this story, would you advise to walk away? I bet you would. Leave her behind, be happy, she's an abuser.

Write her a Whatsapp...listing all her faults, how she has pissed you off, how it has made you feel ...then say never contact me again and block her . I did this with a 'friend' a couple of years ago. It was brilliant. I don't miss her at all ...fed up with the using and crap that she put me through...some people are C$$ts and best out of your life 💯