To have had enough of my friend

[Spiritofeden87]

Friend of 30 years.

She has repeatedly given me a list of her expectations from me - is always telling me what she thinks friendship should be. Has recently told me that I have not been sufficiently excited about her new house to meet her expectations.

Thing is - amongst her constantly telling me how I am not meeting her friend expectations, she’s been a terrible friend to me. Constantly critical of my life, my parenting, the things I do.

I am being ghosted at the moment for something - not quite sure yet as she hasn’t informed me what I have done wrong yet.

Aibu to have absolutely had a fucking gutful? I really have- I think I am a bit of a people pleaser but menopause has taken that a way- a lot.

She just makes me feel shit about myself and like I am waiting for the next list of things that haven’t met her expectations.

Do yourself a favour and delete or block her number, she doesn't deserve a break up message, just leave her life and block her from yours, if she doesn't get it when she tries to contact you again then that's her problem.
You can only allow treatment you accept op.

‘Not meeting expectations’ ? Sounds like she thinks she’s your boss, so she can fuck off with that.
Just move on and ignore her when she decides to get back in touch. You’re a grown up and you get to decide who deserves your time. You don’t have to just jump because someone tells you to.

She has repeatedly given me a list of her expectations from me - is always telling me what she thinks friendship should be.

This is not normal. Who goes round detailing what they expect from their friends (well, apart from her)? I would speculate that her friendships tend to be shortlived, with the exceptions where she has hit on someone who will indulge this nonsense.

You are allowed not to tolerate it, OP.

One way to work on both of those things would be to tell her that you’re not lonely or desperate enough to put up with her shit and hope she has a happy life.

I couldn’t live like this. Constantly wondering what minor infraction I didn’t even realise I’d made would be used as a stick to beat me. As a previous poster said, if you’re such a terrible friend, why hasn’t she ditched you? The answer is she knows you’ll put up with this shit. Now’s the time to change that.

As an aside, just how excited does anyone get about someone else’s new house?!

Tell her that you've decided you need to end the friendship as it's not working for you.

In the instance the only person you should be worrying about pleasing is yourself.

You sound lovely, she on the other hand...

Oh, here, have a LTB!

💐

God she sounds awful @Spiritofeden87
Do yourself a huge favour and block her on everything before she deigns you have been punished enough for your latest transgression and gets back in touch .

' thanks for the update. I'm never going to meet your exacting expectations. We're not compatible as friends. Have a nice life.'

Block, delete, ignore.

It's not you, it's her.

definitely take advantage of her silence and block her before she contacts you again. She doesn’t know how to be friends with anyone.

when you keep someone in your life like that you block the way for a positive and supportive person to come into your life. I think there can be a huge pressure from self to continue friendships just because it’s been 30 yrs, but that doesn’t trump abusive behaviour.

Agreed!

And she's actually made it easier for your by ghosting you for not genuflecting enough about her new house.

Sit back, enjoy yourself, do nothing and let her sulk it out and then when she comes back for another go at you ( and she sounds like the type who will! ) tell her that you don't appreciate her behaviour and she can continue ghosting you.

I learnt a long time ago not to be around people that make me anxious or unhappy.
You don't need to be abusive to her, just explain that this friendship isn't working and not to contact you anymore. You will feel a lot better, I promise

She doesn't have to be a part of your future just because she's part of your past.

Imagine you met her for the first time today and she did this shit. Would you be interested in being friends with her or would you just move along?

OMG a list of expectations you should meet?! I don’t know anyone who would put up with that. I would cut her out. You deserve better

Time to make the change OP.

I'd be inclined to text her "Having considered just how much a true friend you've been over the past 30 years - I wish most sincerely that you would finally fuck right off, forever"

no one wants someone like that in their life!

Archive your chats and ghost her. Make plans with other friends and give them your time.

Are you (or have you been) in other abusive relationships OP? Because it might be time for a cull…

What does this friend bring to your life OP? What does she do for you? Do you enjoy spending time with her, talking to her or seeing her?
I imagine the answer is nothing, nothing, nope, nope, nope.
So... Why are you friends with her?
She sounds awful. You will feel much lighter without her in your life.
Friends lift you up, not constantly bring you down!
Choose to be around people who make you feel good.

Tbh I'd be writing her a list of all the ways in which she's been a shit friend to you, and give her a taste of her own medicine before never speaking to her again!

I had a friend, different but similar to you in that I repeatedly gave them the benefit of the doubt but was made to regularly feel bad. Recently I just thought I really don't like this person why on earth am I putting up with their comments. Have let them go 2 months ago and now see just what a toxic presence they had been in my life. Get rid, no big showdown just let them drift, be busy, block and ignore if they come at you with crap.

I'd ghost her back.

For good!

Fucking hell she sounds batshit. Tell her to go fuck herself.

She’s not your friend. You deserve better x

She sounds weird AF. Who gives their friend a list of expectations??

Thing is, if you were genuinely falling below acceptable parameters as a friend, wouldn't she have binned you off long ago?!

You know you're better than this. At least, you're realising it now. You deserve nice friends who make you feel better about yourself and life. There you are. Shed the load, either tell her why or don't, but move on without her dragging you down.