Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Think it's odd I've been left out ??

204 replies

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 17:27

Have been good friends for about 8 years with someone who is getting married this year. They are having a destination wedding which I'm not attending but it is only family going
Looking through my Instagram this week and noticed she has had a hen weekend with a large group this was the first id heard about it!
There was a few people there that I know she doesn't even like and has had nothing but bad things to say about them!!
Sort of can't believe I've not been invited, especially when I have been there for her a lot over the years and thought we had a nice friendship!
AIBU ? Has anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:
Figgygal · 19/09/2025 21:38

Screw her op
You're better off out of that

Toesy · 19/09/2025 21:48

OP unfortunately for many women, myself included, it takes a friendship like this to wake you the fcck up.

She will be back to you.
Make sure you can peek without her knowing on WhatsApp.
Leave her on unread.
Do not respond...but if you must...👍...is your best response.

I could give you ten stories where the good loyal friend was shat upon, to suddenly wake the hell up and be so unavailable for their shallow friend.
Don't be unduly sad. This is a gift. Big time.

The older you get, the greater the attrition of waster friends.
The earlier we learn the lessons of user friends the greater the gift to our lives.

Life is so short. User friends have no right to any space in tjese short years.

Crudd99 · 19/09/2025 21:51

abouttimetoo123 · 19/09/2025 17:36

When someone shows you who they are, listen. And remember, if someone is talking about others to you, they’ll be talking about you to others.

Take this as a lesson learned and step back from the friendship xx

Excellent advice .

nadine90 · 19/09/2025 21:55

I had a friend that would bitch about everyone to me and then make up with them and leave me out of things. I wonder if the bride is similar to that person in that she sees you as an amiable person she can offload to, but doesn’t want you around when she’s chumming up to those she claims to hate, so you can neither challenge her nor them on their behaviour.
Regardless, she’s not your friend the same way you are hers, so get rid. Don’t waste any more of your energy or care on her, she just wants to take from you x

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 21:55

@NotToday1l I'm just thinking out loud, i had excused her flaky behavior for so long, just put it down to her being a bit thoughtless about things but hey we all have things to work on don't we!? until I saw how I've just been taken as a mug really and I wanted to know if I wasn't going mad thinking it was odd !!

OP posts:
Plmnki · 19/09/2025 21:59

They sound like a bunch of pricks. Consider this a declutterring of wankers from your life. The good news is you have escaped the tedium and expense of a hen do. Ugh.

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 21:59

@nadine90 I think you've hit the nail on the head!!

OP posts:
Wadadli · 19/09/2025 22:09

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 17:27

Have been good friends for about 8 years with someone who is getting married this year. They are having a destination wedding which I'm not attending but it is only family going
Looking through my Instagram this week and noticed she has had a hen weekend with a large group this was the first id heard about it!
There was a few people there that I know she doesn't even like and has had nothing but bad things to say about them!!
Sort of can't believe I've not been invited, especially when I have been there for her a lot over the years and thought we had a nice friendship!
AIBU ? Has anyone else been in this situation?

Dump the lot of them. Think of it as the shit taking itself out 💐

hmmnotreallysure · 19/09/2025 22:13

Ah op that's shitty behaviour. I would just quietly back away and be unavailable in future. She sounds toxic and you sound lovely, you deserve better Flowers

Disneys · 19/09/2025 22:14

Dancingsquirrels · 19/09/2025 17:53

And what would that achieve?!

OP, it's hurtful. I had similar. My advice is say nothing, rise above it, recalibrate the friendship in your own head, stay in touch if you choose to

Yes it has happened to me too and this is the best advice.

I asked why I’d been excluded and I regret it now. I let it upset me and wondered what I’d done wrong for far too long.

Toesy · 19/09/2025 22:14

nadine90 · 19/09/2025 21:55

I had a friend that would bitch about everyone to me and then make up with them and leave me out of things. I wonder if the bride is similar to that person in that she sees you as an amiable person she can offload to, but doesn’t want you around when she’s chumming up to those she claims to hate, so you can neither challenge her nor them on their behaviour.
Regardless, she’s not your friend the same way you are hers, so get rid. Don’t waste any more of your energy or care on her, she just wants to take from you x

I agree.
Wise post.
She doesn't wish for you to see her clearly.
She sees your decency and wants to use it.
She's utterly toxic.
Say nothing.
Don't give her the soot of it.
Be happy, busy, completely unavailable.
Far more powerful and impactful.

Resembleflower · 19/09/2025 22:20

Glitterballofdreams · 19/09/2025 17:40

Yes I’ve been in this situation. My sister lives abroad, and was getting married there. It worked out too expensive for myself and my family to attend so we explained and as a result, she had a hen party here at home and I wasn’t invited. I did feel hurt, but it just shows people’s true colours. Possibly the hen was organised by another friend who genuinely didn’t think to invite you? Try not to dwell on it x

Im
sorry! I’ve had similar. My sister had a hen do without me, her only sister. Had 10 people
including her best friends and their sisters…

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 19/09/2025 22:39

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 19:01

@MargaretThursday no not at all, I don't have any issues with any of the others, I'm usually twh person going mmmm and not getting involved!!

That could be the key to understanding this. They obviously love bitching about each other and creating drama. If you don't join in with that then you are setting yourself apart somewhat and that might well make them feel a little uncomfortable. You're not fully part of the group. That says nothing bad about you, of course, but as you've said, this has shown you that they're not real friends to you, and that you're quite different in how you behave and what you want from friendships.

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 23:12

@TryingAgainAgainAgain I think this is right x I also think they've got short memories and have forgotten what they've all said about each other 😂

OP posts:
VoltaireMittyDream · 19/09/2025 23:12

rainbowstardrops · 19/09/2025 17:50

I’d be hurt too. I’d like and comment on all the photos but that’s just me!

Don't do this, OP! You'd look so desperate and bitter!

Foundationns · 19/09/2025 23:12

Weddings seem to be a hotbed of hurt and resentment nowadays. I'm not sure they are worth it. Who knows what was meant...

Recordsforsomething · 19/09/2025 23:14

My dh got left out of his own sisters wedding ! We have no idea why ?

Horsie · 19/09/2025 23:18

I think you should calmly ask her about it, in person. Just imagine if, say, your invitation had been lost in the post and SHE thought YOU were rude for not responding. Or imagine if it was a particular organiser who doesn't like you arranged it and told the bride you hadn't responded, when she actually didn't invite you. Or maybe the bride had it mistakenly in her mind that you were away or already busy on that weekend, and so didn't invite you. Or maybe the bride thinks you hate parties, or something.

My point is, just imagine if there was an explanation and you lose this friendship over it. Think what a pity that would be.

And if you ask her about it in person, you can guage her body language.

I think it's absolutely crazy to let a close friendship go after something like this, which could be a complete misunderstanding. You can be perfectly nice about it, and it will either clear the air, or you'll come away knowing that the friendship is over, if she gives you a load of old codswallop. If it's the latter, you can easily nod along and say "Oh yes, I thought there must be an explanation" so as not to give her the satisfaction of seeing you hurt, IF her intentions turn out to be bad.

I'm in my fifties and I can tell you that old friendships are precious once you are older. I think it would be a terrible shame to let this one go without communicating with her. You have been good friends for a long time, and people who knew you when you were young are dear, and become more so as the people around you die. At least honour that friendship with the clear communication it deserves before walking away without a clue what happened.

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 23:26

@Horsie what a beautiful post thank you for your wise words xx
Unfortunately the relationships I have had with the other women and the bride there is no way it could be a misunderstanding it's obvious that she didn't want me to be there, and it's definitely a pointed thing that I've not been invited. It's sad but I will take a step back on this friendship that seemed to be one sided anyway, so no big loss really 😂 😭 😭

OP posts:
Notashamed13 · 19/09/2025 23:40

She is not a friend.

Naldo · 19/09/2025 23:44

This is simple: reduce contact until you’ve ghosted her. She’s a bitch.

Horsie · 19/09/2025 23:54

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 23:26

@Horsie what a beautiful post thank you for your wise words xx
Unfortunately the relationships I have had with the other women and the bride there is no way it could be a misunderstanding it's obvious that she didn't want me to be there, and it's definitely a pointed thing that I've not been invited. It's sad but I will take a step back on this friendship that seemed to be one sided anyway, so no big loss really 😂 😭 😭

If you're definitely, 100 per cent, sure that it was done to hurt you, then OK, don't mention it to her. Pretend you haven't even noticed and are perfectly happy, lol!

I'm really sorry that that happened to you. It doesn't sound as if they're very nice. Maybe they're jealous of something about your life. I know it hurts now, but they have done you a favour, really. They've revealed themselves and now you can use the time they used to take up to find friends of much better character. No one needs all that. 💐

If it helps, I've always done my best to be truly supportive and lovely to my friends, and over the years I've experienced two or three turning against me for no reason whatsoever that I can make out. Never had a cross word, and I'm always quite careful about how I put things, in order not to hurt someone's feelings. I'm not someone who boasts or says insensitive things. It's truly awful when these things happen, and I do think it's a peephole into some unhappiness or insecurity in themselves. If you are truly sure that you have done nothing to merit such treatment, the only thing you can do is move on.

SpencerGarciaGideon · 19/09/2025 23:54

My "friend" keeps banging on about how much she appreciates me and loves me etc. Then has parties and doesn't invite me but posts on Facebook about how it was nice to have all her friends there. Thing is, We've been friends since we were kids so I guess I'm just her oldest friend, not an important one. Sad but true. It hurts like hell. I feel your pain OP

Horsie · 19/09/2025 23:56

SpencerGarciaGideon · 19/09/2025 23:54

My "friend" keeps banging on about how much she appreciates me and loves me etc. Then has parties and doesn't invite me but posts on Facebook about how it was nice to have all her friends there. Thing is, We've been friends since we were kids so I guess I'm just her oldest friend, not an important one. Sad but true. It hurts like hell. I feel your pain OP

Can you talk to her about it? Maybe she thinks you don't like parties, or maybe she doesn't realise that you would like to be included. I would communicate with her.

SpencerGarciaGideon · 19/09/2025 23:58

Horsie · 19/09/2025 23:56

Can you talk to her about it? Maybe she thinks you don't like parties, or maybe she doesn't realise that you would like to be included. I would communicate with her.

No I haven't talked to her about it. She mentioned the last party they had while we were having lunch but didn't say anything a out me not being invited. I didn't want to bring it up as I'd feel pretty pathetic.