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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think it's odd I've been left out ??

204 replies

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 17:27

Have been good friends for about 8 years with someone who is getting married this year. They are having a destination wedding which I'm not attending but it is only family going
Looking through my Instagram this week and noticed she has had a hen weekend with a large group this was the first id heard about it!
There was a few people there that I know she doesn't even like and has had nothing but bad things to say about them!!
Sort of can't believe I've not been invited, especially when I have been there for her a lot over the years and thought we had a nice friendship!
AIBU ? Has anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:
SouthernBelle21 · 19/09/2025 18:48

This happened to me not long ago. I sent her a nice message saying I hope she'd had a fantastic weekend, but I thought I would have been asked while we'd been friends for such a long time. She replied telling me why I wasn't - and it was something I'd said that had (genuinely) been taken completely out of context by another person, and reported to her inaccurately. Not intentionally by the other person. We sorted it out. All good now!

If I were you, I'd be tempted to just ask why, as there's every chance something like that might have happened. It's so hard when someone thinks something's happened but then nobody says anything to anyone so it can't get sorted! THAT'S like being in school!

Have an adult conversation :). It's tough, but may well save a friendship or two!

nomas · 19/09/2025 18:51

Stop being there for her and don’t give her a wedding card or present.

Original poster
PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 18:52

@SouthernBelle21 I know what you're saying and in any other circumstances I would be the first to go and see her and ask if there was a problem, have I done something? But knowing everything that's been said about others in the group and they are the ones she prefers to be with, even knowing how much I have gone through with her, supporting her and being a generally good friend with no drama and only being loyal towards her, I think Ive been lucky that I do know where I stand now, it's actually best for me !!

OP posts:
BobhopeNohope · 19/09/2025 18:56

If she badmouthing them,she's bad mouthing you.
Look at it as a lucky escape,don't adjust her way you weren't invited.
She'll only lie.
Just be glad to be rid of her.
Oh and like all the photos.

honeylulu · 19/09/2025 18:58

What a nasty bitch!

Oh well look on the bright side. Firstly you now know what she's really like and that you needn't waste any more time on her. Secondly if you were thinking of getting her a wedding present you now dont need to bother and can save your cash!

MargaretThursday · 19/09/2025 18:59

Are you sure it's her doing the moaning about these friends and not you complaining about them and her doing non-committal "hmm" which you take as agreement.

Because that would fit with her inviting them (she does like them) but not you (because she knows you don't)

Original poster
PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 19:00

😂 yes I'm going to buy myself a lovely pair of shoes I think and my card will obviously get lost in the post!!

OP posts:
Original poster
PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 19:01

@MargaretThursday no not at all, I don't have any issues with any of the others, I'm usually twh person going mmmm and not getting involved!!

OP posts:
butterfliesandrainbows2022 · 19/09/2025 19:01

to me it sounds a simple other people arranged it & she had nothing to do with the invites. Just send a simple hope you had a nice time sorry to have missed out

pictoosh · 19/09/2025 19:02

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 18:41

Yes people can be hurtful with their actions can't they. Just makes me realize that I'm better off being a social hermit!!!

I just turned 50. I'm not a social hermit (quite) but I am choosy about who gets a share of my free time.

You do (ok, I did) realise that a lot of social stuff is more stressful than it's worth...and always was.

Original poster
PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 19:02

Also I actually do have more to do with a few of the others that went than the bride!! Think I just need new friends 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 19:06

@butterfliesandrainbows2022 I know that she will use that as an excuse, it will be " oh I never organized it it was ... who arranged it all " but being the only friend not to have been asked, you'd think she would have got in touch afterwards wouldn't you to even say look Im sorry you weren't asked I didn't realize, or something along those lines, but she hasn't because I obviously don't mean anything,

OP posts:
pictoosh · 19/09/2025 19:06

butterfliesandrainbows2022 · 19/09/2025 19:01

to me it sounds a simple other people arranged it & she had nothing to do with the invites. Just send a simple hope you had a nice time sorry to have missed out

If that was the case the OP would know it.
She knows this friend and the others. It felt 'off' to her because most likely, it is.

Original poster
PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 19:07

@pictoosh it's a lot more safer isn't it x

OP posts:
Climbingrosexx · 19/09/2025 19:09

I remember a so called friend inviting me round before her wedding so I could spend time with her and some other girls. They all went upstairs and I was left downstairs on my own they were all laughing and giggling having pictures taken etc. If that had been me I would have said where is X she should be up here with us. It was so awkward and I should have left there and then. I knew she was flakey so should never have given her so many chances at friendship

Original poster
PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 19:14

@Climbingrosexx oh that's horrible 😭 you just wonder how people don't feel bad about the way they treat others, when you would never do that yourself, I've always made sure that my children never leave people out , are not exclusive with friendships but try and include others. Sadly I don't think many think of doing it back.

OP posts:
Queenie678 · 19/09/2025 19:25

I was in a similar situation so feel your pain. I was part of a small group of girls I’d been friends with since school. The first one to get engaged had a hen party abroad I was the only one not invited. I didn’t even know it was happening.

I remember asking the bride to be what her hen do plans were and she just brushed it off and said one of her uni friends was organising it. I know she would have sent them the list of names she wanted there. But I never heard anything else about it.

I had them all over for a weekend lunch at mine, then found out a few weeks later that the following weekend after coming to mine for lunch they were all going abroad for her hen do. No one mentioned a word at the lunch I was hosting. I believe they must have all been bursting to talk about it and given instructions to not mention it because of me. How awkward because I was totally obliviious. When I found out from seeing photos and someone mentioning it in passing I felt unbelievably embarrassed, excluded and hurt.

I decided to stop all contact as I realised they weren’t my friends and just a hangover from school days. Unfortunately I was still invited to the post wedding party a few weeks after the wedding which surprise surprise I also wasn’t invited to either. I desperately didn’t want to go to the party, but went and to be petty gave them just a card with no gift. I then never spoke to any of them again.

If it helps, time heals, this was about 8yrs ago and I’d almost forgotten all about this.

FitatFifty · 19/09/2025 19:26

Think some women just decide to rearrange their friendship groups and dump people. I had a very good friend do it to me and are other friends on the run up to her wedding. She just decided to have a different group of friends all of a sudden it was so odd. Although 10 years later I think some of it was to do we all knew the groom was a dickhead. How do you feel about this groom?

I also think weddings make people lose their minds. One of DHs friends totally ignored me at her wedding and was all over a friends girlfriend who she LOATHED. She went back to normal the next time I saw her (but I always remembered) and back to hating this woman.

Illegally18 · 19/09/2025 19:27

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 17:43

Yes we all similar ages, I think what hurt is seeing pics of her with people who have caused her troubles and she hasn't had a nice word about them and also they've not had nice things to say about her , I've not got involved I've kept out of it all and been neutral and I'm the one left out, I don't think I'll say anything tho i won't give them the satisfaction!!

I think that's the best tthing to do.

Itiswhysofew · 19/09/2025 19:30

Thats horrible, OP

Seems there's nothing like a wedding to let you know where you stand.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 19/09/2025 19:30

@PeacheyPeach your approach is the right one (also it means you'll probably drive her mad wanting you to mention it). I had a similar situation except it was a birthday party. When the person involved realised that I'd stopped giving AF and they subsequently couldn't build themselves up by putting me down then they stopped contacting me. For which I am extremely grateful!

Truetoself · 19/09/2025 19:36

So one of my girlfriends husbands organised a surprise party for her and she was mortified that me and another friend were not invited. She asked him and he called us on the night as he didn’t appreciate our friendship and he apologised. However, the point is she missed our presence and there were no hard feelings towards her as it was her husband doing. Your friend didn’t behave the same way.

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 19/09/2025 19:36

Drop her. She doesn’t sounds like a nice person if she bad mouths people.

FairKoala · 19/09/2025 19:39

Could you comment something on one of the group photos

“Good Grief, after what I have heard you say about all of them and all the things I have heard them say about you. Your Hen Do must have been a blast.”

Royaly82 · 19/09/2025 19:45

Do they participate in drug use or heavier drinking than you and didnt want to be judged? Cant think of any other reasons that havent been covered