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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think it's odd I've been left out ??

204 replies

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 17:27

Have been good friends for about 8 years with someone who is getting married this year. They are having a destination wedding which I'm not attending but it is only family going
Looking through my Instagram this week and noticed she has had a hen weekend with a large group this was the first id heard about it!
There was a few people there that I know she doesn't even like and has had nothing but bad things to say about them!!
Sort of can't believe I've not been invited, especially when I have been there for her a lot over the years and thought we had a nice friendship!
AIBU ? Has anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:
LeftBoobGoneRogue · 19/09/2025 19:49

@PeacheyPeach
I suppose one silver lining is the money you have saved by not being invited especially as almost very ‘hen do’ is expensive these days

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/09/2025 19:51

Could be someone else has organised. Could be she thinks these people can help her out in some way. People are weird.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/09/2025 19:51

LeftBoobGoneRogue · 19/09/2025 19:49

@PeacheyPeach
I suppose one silver lining is the money you have saved by not being invited especially as almost very ‘hen do’ is expensive these days

Also this. I’ve found myself relieved not to be invited to a few things recently.

Soontobesingles · 19/09/2025 19:57

I’ve found that weddings teach you a lot about where you stand in someone’s affections, and the kind of person they really are. I remember when my closest friend for 20 years decided not to ask me to be a bridesmaid because of a difference of opinion I’d had with her (racist) cousin, and then her husband made a point in his speech of talking about the bridesmaids as those ‘closest to the bride’ while the bride looked at me pointedly with a little grin on her face. And I just thought, fuck you bitch. 11 years later, we haven’t spoken since.

Pomegranatecarnage · 19/09/2025 19:57

That’s awful. I’d be devastated. I don’t think I could continue the friendship.

Mumsince2021x · 19/09/2025 20:10

I had this once for a baby shower. Good friend kept mentioning it thinking I was going but I knew nothing about it. I think I was bold and just mentioned it in the end and it turned out family had organised it and they just forgot to message me. They were mortified.
Does your friend have sisters / mum / bridesmaids that you think could have organised on her behalf?

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 19/09/2025 20:14

Soontobesingles · 19/09/2025 19:57

I’ve found that weddings teach you a lot about where you stand in someone’s affections, and the kind of person they really are. I remember when my closest friend for 20 years decided not to ask me to be a bridesmaid because of a difference of opinion I’d had with her (racist) cousin, and then her husband made a point in his speech of talking about the bridesmaids as those ‘closest to the bride’ while the bride looked at me pointedly with a little grin on her face. And I just thought, fuck you bitch. 11 years later, we haven’t spoken since.

That is appalling. I wish I knew what goes through these people's heads. Maybe low esteem but that's still no excuse.

SpamBeansAndWaffles · 19/09/2025 20:17

My brother and sister in law didn't invite me to their wedding. I was expected to coo over photos, hear all the details etc. Wtaf is wrong with some people.

TottyMaude · 19/09/2025 20:18

If they're bitching to you, they're bitching about you. Bitches gonna bitch.

Gabby8 · 19/09/2025 20:19

That’s hurtful! She probably slags you off to the girls she slags off to you. She doesn’t sound nice

Original poster
PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 20:28

Yes it's hurtful but also better to know were you stand with people isn't it, life is to short to invest in fake friends

OP posts:
ToeSucker · 19/09/2025 20:38

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 18:02

@Winter2020 I actually think she just uses everyone, everyone probably serves a purpose and she is just out for herself.
I don't have room for people like that in my life

It sounds like you're not that surprised by her, but you thought you deserved more.

Umbrellasinthesunshine · 19/09/2025 20:42

abouttimetoo123 · 19/09/2025 17:36

When someone shows you who they are, listen. And remember, if someone is talking about others to you, they’ll be talking about you to others.

Take this as a lesson learned and step back from the friendship xx

100% this - words to live by.

Zucker · 19/09/2025 20:42

Sounds like you're the agony aunt friend, not the get pissed with mate.

Remember this feeling the next time she comes to you with all of her woes!

BoarBrush · 19/09/2025 20:55

I'm almost 39 and never once even been invited on a hen do. It's actually very odd but virtually none of my school/uni/mum pals have got married yet. 99% weddings I've been to have been family/dhs pals.

Granted, due to friends shitty behaviour after my sudden disability followed by my dhs sudden illness and now life changing disability 6 weeks later we learned who our real friends are. 95% of our "friends" were cut instantly, we weren't the fun friends anymore, we were a chore.

The thing is, they all needed me much more than I ever needed them. I'm quite happy by myself whilst they fuck each other other and stress that no one else will watch their little angel from fucking 6am!!!

Fuck them.

Original poster
PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 20:58

Yes I'm not going to be around, for the next drama , I've realized that when someone just off loads but never ever gives back, that's not a friendship is it x hurts a bit but lessons learned definitely.
I've always known she could be a bit of a taker and a bit of a user but you don't realize just how much until you actually think back and realize how one sided it is.
I'm sure this group of friends will have another fall out I don't think they can help themselves, but thankfully I'm not going to get caught up in any of it!!

OP posts:
MrsDoubtfire1 · 19/09/2025 21:02

Depends how honest you can be with her. I would ask her outright why you had not been included? Then, depending on her reply, don't bother to go to the wedding or give a gift, maybe send a card and treat her with the same disdain she has treated you. Someone I know was in a similar situation and she was not invited as a bridesmaid, had been friends with bride since Reception class, had said girl as her bridesmaid. Turned out the bride was simply a Bitch.

Kindornothing · 19/09/2025 21:04

Frogs88 · 19/09/2025 18:12

If someone’s constantly talking negatively about others that they’re “friends” with then they probably are doing the same about you.

100% This!

Even if she’s not yet saying crap you if she likes to bitch she will be at some point.

Sounds like you had a lucky escape
Hen dos are so expensive, plus wedding gifts, trip abroad… count your blessings you know sooner than later.

Sharingmythoughts · 19/09/2025 21:05

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 17:27

Have been good friends for about 8 years with someone who is getting married this year. They are having a destination wedding which I'm not attending but it is only family going
Looking through my Instagram this week and noticed she has had a hen weekend with a large group this was the first id heard about it!
There was a few people there that I know she doesn't even like and has had nothing but bad things to say about them!!
Sort of can't believe I've not been invited, especially when I have been there for her a lot over the years and thought we had a nice friendship!
AIBU ? Has anyone else been in this situation?

I think it’s for the best you weren’t there. I don’t think it would be enjoyable.

gamerchick · 19/09/2025 21:08

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 17:52

@rainbowstardrops yes when I see her next I'll ask her all about it if she has a good time etc! She will probably tell me how fabulous it was!

I wouldn't mention anything and I'd change the subject wherever her wedding was mentioned.

She's pretty much told you what she thinks of you and where you rank in your life. We expend energy on people who don't deserve it sometimes.

TenaciousDeeds · 19/09/2025 21:10

mothercanigo · 19/09/2025 17:52

Rather makes you wonder what she says about you behind your back!

Show quote history

No! You’re killing this thread OP - go forth with your genuine and authentic responses!!

NotToday1l · 19/09/2025 21:12

PeacheyPeach · 19/09/2025 17:52

@rainbowstardrops yes when I see her next I'll ask her all about it if she has a good time etc! She will probably tell me how fabulous it was!

She will probably tell me how fabulous it was!

You see, that comment there tells me you don’t really like her….are you really as good ‘friends’ as you say you are?

CatInspector · 19/09/2025 21:18

She's pretty much told you what she thinks of you and where you rank in your life. We expend energy on people who don't deserve it sometimes

I agree with this

I would be ...gone
No questions, no pick me, no avoiding talking about the wedding
Just gone

If you look back , you will see the red flags that you ignored, namely her bitching and divisive behaviour.
With these types the pendulum always eventually swings round to you, she was never a good person or friend

FurForksSake · 19/09/2025 21:33

When I got married the first time one of my bridesmaids told people that she only accepted because she felt sorry for me and pitied me. C if you are out there it was fucking unforgivable.

it was 20 years ago and I’ve never trusted a friend again. I’m much happier and safer alone with my family (different husband mind…). How these women justify their actions absolutely blows my mind.

TheThreeStingrays · 19/09/2025 21:34

You’ve saved yourself the expense of a hen do for someone that clearly is a bit two faced! Wouldn’t worry, it was probably organised by someone else and you’ve had a lucky escape x

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