Think it's odd I've been left out ??

[PeacheyPeach]

Have been good friends for about 8 years with someone who is getting married this year. They are having a destination wedding which I'm not attending but it is only family going
Looking through my Instagram this week and noticed she has had a hen weekend with a large group this was the first id heard about it!
There was a few people there that I know she doesn't even like and has had nothing but bad things to say about them!!
Sort of can't believe I've not been invited, especially when I have been there for her a lot over the years and thought we had a nice friendship!
AIBU ? Has anyone else been in this situation?

She would looooove you to ask and know you were hurt and then Lord it over you.

Don’t give her the pleasure.

They will have all discussed it and are itching for your reaction so that they can bitch and laugh some more.

Don’t give them the opportunity. Of course they know you will have seen the Insta posts.

If you are quiet she will likely text you to goad you anyway.

Come on ladies don’t let OP stew. Anyway if it were me I’ll reach out and say my I don’t know you were having a hen do and I wasn’t aware. If she’s as close a friend as you say. The ball is then in her court.

If someone’s constantly talking negatively about others that they’re “friends” with then they probably are doing the same about you.

Meh! Just think how much money you’ll have saved on a hen night….new outfit, obligatory kitty for gift for the hen, money for transport and whatever you’re actually doing. You’ve saved £££s!
Spend that money on having a nice night with your real friends

TBH , I wouldn't bother with seeing her again,
If she asks you "Do you want to come out for a meal , drink etc" I think I;d just reply No, I think I;ll leave it , thanks

Not Pass/Agg or needy . Just a " Y'know , I really cannot be arsed with your snidieness"

Similar situation for me but not a hen do or wedding………I was at a charity support group and one particular person invited two others to join her to visit an upcoming crafting demonstration in the knowledge that I was unable to drive at the time and would dearly love to go. She did this whilst sitting next to me and she knew I could hear her! This hurt me deeply and now I wouldn’t piss on her if she were on fire! Not charitable of me I know……..

Same. I’d also be wondering if I’d missed an email or a wrong email address of WhatsApp had been used. Nothing to lose by mentioning it really - it will either confirm that she’s not that good a friend or set your mind at rest that it was a mistake.

Maybe she didn't invite you to the hen because you aren't attending the actual wedding?

Either way, seems like you're well out of it. She doesn't sound like a nice person, so you're not losing a decent friendship.

😂😂 I'm just so glad it's not me who thinks this was not nice behavior,
Yes true colours have been shown I think and in all honesty it's a relief that I don't have to have fake friends any

There were lots there who I know for certain are not going to be at the wedding x

I've had similar recently. Someone who I thought was a good friend. I stayed with her to look after her when she was recovering from an operation (which involved me in some very personal care). Saw her every week. But suddenly she's ghosted me. I rang her, sent emails, contacted another friend to check that she was OK. Nothing.

She's normally very up-front if she feels that someone has upset her. She's told me when she's felt affronted by something I've either done or not done. But nothing.

My thoughts are that I have other friends, if I've inadvertently done something (or neglected to do something) that upset her & she can't be bothered to tell me. That's fine. I have plenty of friends, don't need someone like that. She was hard work anyway & I didn't agree with her politics as she's rather racist.

100% this. Reddest flag ever.

OP, you sounded level headed.
Big step back required of you.
Invest in others, be busy.
Weddings seem to do these things to some people.
It is really good to know where you stand.
Never be available for her or her drama again, and there will be drama.
It's a win.

Oh that's hurtful...and the reason it feels 'a bit strange' is because you know something's not right. Up until now you were oblivious to that so it's a metaphorical punch in the gut.
Sorry this has happened to you. She left you out by choice and preferred the company of people she (seemingly) doesn't like. She's not as solid as you thought.

"Never judge someone by what they say but by what they do."

"Never make someone a priority if they'll only make you an option."

Two trite sayings...but I live by them, especially when it comes to friendships.

Sorry to say but if she's nasty about these girls behind their backs she might well be saying the same sorts of things about you to them.

Think of it as an opportunity to buy yourself something nice with her wedding present money!

Yeah I agree with this. If you are the kind of friends that you say then I think it is reasonable to raise it.

The organiser has an agenda. Sees you as a threat to her own friendship with bride or wants to hurt your feelings for some reason. Bet she’s someone with a strong (i.e.weak) personality.

What a loser.

Enjoy asking the bride when you see her, sit back quietly and watch her trip over her words and tie herself in knots. Ha!

I was about to say the same. She may have badmouthed you enough to make the organiser think she wouldn’t want you there or you’ve been specifically excluded by the hen.
All the hen do’s I’ve been to, the organiser has asked for a list of people to invite from the bride to be.
I don’t blame you for being hurt.

Honestly everything you're all saying is exactly what I have thought since finding out , so it's a good reminder for me that this isn't the right way or kind way to behave and I really don't need relationships that are based on fakeness. And definitely if she was quick to talk about the other women and they are about her, I'm sure I've been a topic of conversation also ( it's like being back at school isn't it 😭)

My ‘friend’ did similar to me… she was having an away city hen - told me I was invited but I didn’t hear anything more about it.
then the week before it was due to happen said she was doing something more local a different weekend nfd - I said great text me the details I’m always here to support you.
I heard nothing until 8pm one Friday night to say she didn’t think I’d be interested in coming but the train was at 12 the following morning. I had no time to arrange child care etc so there was no way I could go…
I paid half of her attendance at my hen do because she was studying at the time and made sure she was included in everything. It really hurt my feelings, and it’s still a bitter pill tbh
she then went onto basically ignore my ‘big’ birthday and had a party for hers a few months later but again did not invite me.

Oddly enough when she had a baby she was desperate for support and advice and to be best pals again…

There was a few people there that I know she doesn't even like and has had nothing but bad things to say about them!!

can only imagine what she’s saying about you!

What absolute cows.

Pretend everything is normal and wait til your next catch up and sask her face to face to watch her squirm. You'll know immediately whether she was in on it and get a feel for the issue.

Absolutely rise above it and adjust her place in your life accordingly.
Lick your wounds in private.
Tbh the fact she is now with a group of backstabbers says EVERYTHING about her and NOTHING about you.
Poor her she lost a good friend, you clearly didn't.

Yes people can be hurtful with their actions can't they. Just makes me realize that I'm better off being a social hermit!!!